Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I so wish that I could have a snippet of who/what my son used to be. My sister sent me some pictures of us at her house (he was 13) where he was such a clear eyed, ambitious child. Where/what went so wrong? He did so well for so long (or so I thought/it seemed). We currently have a "texting" relationship which is so different from 6 months ago. I saw him last week for 10 minutes and asked him to "chat" or have lunch and visit about what was going on in his life, but of course, he had to go and would get back to me. I have a very great family but they do not know what is going on with him. I told him 2 years ago that I would not share his issues and he detoxed and did well until now. I told him at that time I would not share his "problem". I told him now that I just cannot keep his secret. My issue is that my father is 88 (in great shape and works 6 days a week) and mother (81 and she is also in great shape, lucky me!) and I just do not want to burden them with this. His paternal grandmother is in bad shape & will probably not be around too much longer (bladder cancer) asks me to have him call her. I also do not want to burden her. His paternal grandmother and he are (used to be) close. I really don't know what to say to her when I talk to her. I am up for any/all suggestions. I have no problem sharing this with my siblings/his father's sober siblings, but how much do I really need to share with family that are at the sunset of their lives?
susan55
It is so hard to deal with life when it is not going well at work and is not going well at home. Surely they could "offset" each other? My son recently texted me that he is doing what he is doing/not doing because he is a "f" up. He texted (that is the only way we communicate these days) that his "luck had run out" and he "can't get ahead" and he is "very depressed". I have tried to talk to him about depression (it seems to run in our family, but we deal with/take care of it and live life, very well it seems for most of us. He has had good jobs, is within a couple of semesters of graduating from college and has/had a very good credit rating. He is currently not working, not going to school, has had/or is going to have his car repossessed and because he is not attending school, his college loans are due for repayment. I am sad beyond belief that self medicating with opiates and "feeling good" rank above all else, family, pride in one's self, etc mean more than family and life itself. I feel I need to go back to square one and just take care of myself and "let it go", but it is very difficult for me right at this time.
deleted_user
Susan, I understand how you feel. I may not be doing things the right way but I give out very limited information. my youngest son is still struggling at times. He was arrested three years ago and put in a drug court treatment program. He was recently kicked out not for using heroin but for several minor things. Now that we do not have the safety net of drug court I worry. I have not told my family he has been kicked out and now has to go to court and get sentenced. Why should we all hurt and be upset? My mother does not need this. GMaWill is right when she says how the family/friends judge them. They have no idea and should be thankful it was not their child or children. My family knows he was arrested because it was in all the papers but they don't know the details of what is going on. Some people in husbands family don't even ask about our sons. That is so rude when you are all together and they are all talking about everyone's children and don't ask us anything. They have no idea how much it hurts. So if you have not told them by now and especially the one who lives a few hours away I would ask myself What good would it do telling her?" I do talk to my one sister-in-law and she knows pretty much everything but not the rest of the family. Best of luck to you and your son.
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