Hi Sadiee

Thanx and I won't give up! I surprised to read some of the comments on this topic, because I have the identical feelings.

I have taken down and put back up sons' photos! I can't watch family videos....too sad! I have shut off phone when texts and mssges are ignored... Desperate huh?

I guess my real problem stems from watching my friends with daughters. They are so involved in their daughter's lives... not just babysitting, but shopping, going to hit movies and mixing together daughter's friends and mom's friends for fun get-togethers.

Imagine the mother of sons asking to go shopping and out to a movie with their adult son!!!

Wowsuch interesting comments and SO SAD but OH SO TRUE!!! I have a friend who has daughters and she is very involved with their lives and with her grandkids all the time. As the mother of adult sons, I feel so left out of their lives. I think it is somehow part of our society that adult men are not to be "momma's boys" so they stay away or gravitate to the wives family. It is SO sad and the heartache I have is excruciating. It is totally unfair and I am feeling that I am going to have to suffer with this emotional pain the rest of my days. I try to keep busy but just feel so sad at times. This is NOT what I had dreamed of having.I feel like I lost my family. IT HURTS SO BAD!!! HUGS TO ALL MOMS WHO SUFFER THIS PAIN!!!!!!!

I do think it so sad that sons cannot have contact with their Moms without being considered mommas boys. I do have to say that my husband sometimes says it doesn't bother him when we don't hear from our son, but in reality I think that is how he shelters himself from being hurt.

I came across an article the other day by a psychologist with three sons. She talked about changing with our children as their reach different milestones and perhaps that we shouldn't be surprised by what happens when they move out. She goes on, however, to say that she is experiencing problems as her last son moves out for college. She talked about parenthood touching our identiy and forever transforming us. And as our children move on our identity is then transformed again. She says "it is folly to think that a career or title or anything else can replace the identity we feel as mothers". Here are further quotes "we all want independent, happy, thriving young adults. We want them to handle the challenges in their lives and we gain a huge sense of pride when we see them do so. Yet sometimes there is just a bit of a twinge, an almost phantom limb feeling, when we see them doing so well at forging their adult selves. I often feel that is is self-indulgent, or at the very least, self-absorbed to feel wistful about the end of child rearing. If our children are transitioning to adulthood as they should, isn't it a moment for celebration at their competence and maturity? Isn't it a bit narcissistic to feel bad about not being needed? However, with their growth comes inevitable loss and the cost for such pain. What I fear most is that their childhood selves may begin to feel distant. And that the woman I've been for more than XX years will slowly disappear. As they change who they are, we are forever changed as well. The twinges of pain we feel is for our growing and changing self and for any loss of intimacy we might endure with our now fully separate children. It is not so much that we need to be needed by them, but rather that some of the people we love most have entered a new world. That separateness with a person with whom we once had , now almost gone, tugs at our hears. No matter how close we stay to our grown children, no matter the day-to-day communication that technology has enabled, there is a diminishment in the intimacy of having our children wake up in our homes every morning and eat dinner at our tables every evening. The lessening of that daily bond, even when it involves frustration or conflilct as it can with teenagers, is a painful or at least uncomfortable adjustment. Discomfort, longing, nostalgia...these are all feelings we have when a friendship or marriage changes, why wouldn't we feel them even more so with our children and our empty nest?"

That spoke to me. I miss knowing what is happening daily in my son's life. I miss talking with him. And then when I am with him I honestly struggle about what to talk to him about without seeming intrusive in what he now feels is his own life. I don't feel like a part of his life anymore -- separateness, distance. Normal things that should happen, but it just hurts and leaves me with an empty feeling in my chest. I just don't understand how a mother can be part of someone's life for years and then it just feels like you don't belong there anymore, that they don't notice you are gone. I pray to God that somehow my son will either change or I will change and not miss him so much and not want to hear from him so much. Until then I just cry when I need to, which is unfortunately too much of the time. Thanks for reading ladies. God bless you.

whymom.WOW! Thanks for sharing that article. It spoke volumes! I wish I could just move on but the nostalgia for days gone by invades my thoughts daily. I cry often, too. I try to keep busy and that helps a little. But, like you, I have that empty feeling that is excruciating to deal with on a daily basis. Thanks again for sharing that article! HUGS!

Hello Moms!

I hope my post isn't too late to this string of interesting posts about our sons not responding to our calls or texts.

As I read through the posts, I've felt the same emotions of ' why isn't he responding, a slight fear and an anxiety of is he okay....or is he just ignoring me .... and do I matter anymore? '

There is strength in numbers. The fact that we all have similar experiences in communicating with our sons, kind of says that it must be 'normal'. Not a good feeling, but normal...I guess.

I wish I could just accept that their non-response or their not reaching out to me does not mean anything about our mother/son relationship, but instead is just part of the quirky, but normal communication of young adult males!
boys2voiceless