Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
Hi!
I'm probably one of the oldest empty nesters, but then my life hasn't been on track in many ways.
My daughter lived with me after my divorce, even through her college years, and she worked very close-by. Even when she moved out on her own, she was either in my same town, or one town over. We still were able to see one another, and we always had an amazing bond! We're both creative and funny, and shared everything from harmonizing to songs, to discussing philosophy and ideas. In short, she was my very best friend!
She is gay, and met a woman who was just finishing school here, and heading back to her home in New Mexico. Laura thought she loved her, and I'm sure, needed to make her own life, and see what it would be like, 'cross country (I'm in Connecticut!) She said for me not to worry, she'd be there, at the most, two years. I cried, but knew I must let her go.
Well, she loved the life-style there, she really fit in, and it has been many years, I've lost count...6 or 7?
I have Addison's Disease, and have trouble traveling, so we only get together once or twice a year. Too much life goes by, in that time, you know? I am proud that she's made a life for herself, and happy that she's happy, but the loss I feel, is still here. Funny, when she's been gone a year, I'm somewhat better, but after we've visited for a while, the pain of her leaving starts all over again. She's a very lovable person, and I don't feel whole without her...in fact, I have anxieties, that only go away when she's here.
I take care of my elderly dad, and it's tough, the sameness of my routine. He's a loving, wonderful dad, but I don't feel fulfilled, and I know that is the key, for us to find something that fulfills us. Not replaces our children, but gives us enrichment. I'm working on that, now. But I know I'll never be completely happy and at peace, until she is closer to me.
Thanks for listening. I suppose I should be over it by now, but age doesn't seem to play a role in this...I just miss her!
I'm probably one of the oldest empty nesters, but then my life hasn't been on track in many ways.
My daughter lived with me after my divorce, even through her college years, and she worked very close-by. Even when she moved out on her own, she was either in my same town, or one town over. We still were able to see one another, and we always had an amazing bond! We're both creative and funny, and shared everything from harmonizing to songs, to discussing philosophy and ideas. In short, she was my very best friend!
She is gay, and met a woman who was just finishing school here, and heading back to her home in New Mexico. Laura thought she loved her, and I'm sure, needed to make her own life, and see what it would be like, 'cross country (I'm in Connecticut!) She said for me not to worry, she'd be there, at the most, two years. I cried, but knew I must let her go.
Well, she loved the life-style there, she really fit in, and it has been many years, I've lost count...6 or 7?
I have Addison's Disease, and have trouble traveling, so we only get together once or twice a year. Too much life goes by, in that time, you know? I am proud that she's made a life for herself, and happy that she's happy, but the loss I feel, is still here. Funny, when she's been gone a year, I'm somewhat better, but after we've visited for a while, the pain of her leaving starts all over again. She's a very lovable person, and I don't feel whole without her...in fact, I have anxieties, that only go away when she's here.
I take care of my elderly dad, and it's tough, the sameness of my routine. He's a loving, wonderful dad, but I don't feel fulfilled, and I know that is the key, for us to find something that fulfills us. Not replaces our children, but gives us enrichment. I'm working on that, now. But I know I'll never be completely happy and at peace, until she is closer to me.
Thanks for listening. I suppose I should be over it by now, but age doesn't seem to play a role in this...I just miss her!
I am the same age as you and I do believe we are the oldest empty nesters here. I think this is an extra challenge that we have. I believe that families should live closer together than they do these days. I know it is not always possible, but I don't think it is normal to live so far from those we love. Perhaps one day you might be able to move near to your daughter. Is that a possibility? Is she still with the same woman, or just still living in New Mexico? I wish I had the answer, but Katie 129 has some good advice. I think we have to start doing things"artificially" and hope that they become interests. The 60's are tough too in my opinion-I look down the road and don't like what I see. We have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other...
You sound so sweet and the relationship with your daughter sounds lovely. I wish my mother felt about me the way you feel about your daughter! I couldn't imagine having my child so far away. Perhaps it might be a good idea to move closer to her in the future. Im sure the differences between Ct and NM are huge but you may love it there just as your daughter does. i wish you the best and keep communicating with the group. It does us all good.
I apologize for taking so long to reply, but I was sick for a while, and not up to writing.
Katie, your advice is good, about caring for myself, and finding some things to do, for myself. It's hard for me to get out, with caring for dad and my Addison's Disease, but I'm thinking I must make it a priority to at least do something once a week, or find a hobby, etc. I'm sorry you've had anxiety for so long! I've been having it badly (am I repeating?) and it's a real struggle to over-come! I hope yours will ease up, soon.
HockeyMom, YES, we have the added issues that the sixties bring. It does seem that we should live closer to our families, and it no doubt was the natural way, back when. But now, everyone is moving and finding their adventure...and we're on a support forum! Sigh. I'm afraid I'm a New Englander, and I couldn't take the hot New Mexican sun. My hope, is that I get into a better situation (it had better be soon!) ;] and will be able to travel. Oh, and she is with another woman now, but she just loves it there!
Kilinki, thanks for your nice words, it does really help to know I'm not alone, and I'll try and get in here, more often!
Hugs to all,
Judith :]