Empty Nests Support Group
Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. Empty nest syndrome has become more prevalent in modern times, as the extended family is becoming less common than in past generations, and the elderly are left living by themselves.
Hi all
I'm in the UK.
A bit of background.
My son moved out to Uni, 3 years ago, he's 23 now, he currently came home in summer till he starts his next uni course which is Jan 6th.
I've also had my daughter who is 21 and my granddaughter who is 3 living at home with me, they now have their own place which they are moving into on Jan 2nd.
So in the space of the same week, my son, daughter and grandaughter will all move out. I have been a single parent for the past 20 years and TBH, I am panicking and scared about being on my own.
I have been a mother since I was 19, I dont know who I am, if not looking after my children, my life has eveolved around providing for and supporting my children. I feel resigned at the minute to a very sad and lonely life. I find myself wondering what is the point?
When my son first moved out, even though I had my daughter and granddaughter at home with me, I struggled to copoe, I cried non stop for a full week, sitting in his empty room, I just don't know how I am going to cope with loosing, all three of them at the same time.
I don't really have many friends I can go visit or talk to, my 2 closest friends both got married and moved away from the area, so I never really see them anymore. I am quite shy and find the idea of going out and meeting new people quite intimidating.
Just need a little help on how I can cope with this new era of my life.
Kerry
It just doesn't feel like it. Emotions are like that, they can cloud our reasoning side of our brain and trick us into believing that we can or cannot endure this season of life. Put it all into perspective. What I do when I'm struggling through a particularly challenging aspect of life, I sit down with my favorite journal book and a hot cup of coffee and make a list. One side of the paper is What good things will come of this change/transition of life. What are the challenges I will face through this season of life. Sometimes just the simple act of seeing on paper and processing mentally through it all can be very therapeutic. List out things that you can now explore that you haven't allowed yourself to do in the past because of the kids/money/time etc....
Look around for a social group to join there locally, perhaps it's a hiking group, a book club, a church social group that meets periodically. Think outside of the box... because you can. You can cope Kerry, you can do this! You are a survivor and you are stronger than you know. You raised two very independent adults who are spreading their wings and taking your cues on life, they aren't gone for good, just for their next season of spreading their wings to fly. You'll do great!!!
I know how you feel. I've been a single mom and have one daughter who is 26 still living with me, and the thought of her moving out, I sure wouldn't cope with it too well. Even though she gets on my nerves at times, it's better than having nobody around. Sometimes things like this really get to me.
Today I was feeling particularly down. Here's a tip, how I picked myself up today--I went into my bedroom, which I just had painted (a nice cheerful color), so now it's spotlessly clean, bright, looks new and cheerful. I put myself in there and kept thinking how wonderful my newly painted room is. It actually is making me happy that I did something good for myself. Made me cheerful. I go to counseling once a week also. The counselor also told me something similar: She said to put up a large painting on a wall, of maybe the ocean or the sky or something cheerful or serene or just a p;icture of beautiful flowers. She said to look at it when I'm feeling down. I noticed she had a big picture in her office of a sailboat in the ocean. It DID cheer me up even just looking at her picture!! Don't know if this would help you but either put up or look at something that would make you happy, and it will. Good luck to you, lonliness is not an easy thing.
My sons have been my purpose for 20 years and now they don't need me. I am in the process of finding myself, but it isn't the same.
My eldest son hasn't lived with me for about 4 years now, I still cry when he leaves!