So sorry he laughed. I just want you to know that I do NOT discuss my sadness about my empty nest with my husband. He just doesn't understand and is of NO help. I suffer alone and in silence. I am thankful to not feel totally alone because I have some friends that do understand. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Hugs to you!

Thank you so much Khirsch. I guess I am in the same boat. I regret the sharing though as I now feel so hostile towards my hb. I knew he didn't seem to care the kids were gone, but I thought he might express sympathy or support. Honestly I should have known better as he has never been good at tender emotions.

Honestly, I think that part of my deep sadness is due to not having a loving husband. The empty nest should be a time to enjoy being a couple again BUT I have realized that there is nothing left. It only exaggerates the loneliness of not having my sons at home and sitting here with someone who is just there. Stale relationship. No affection. I have a room mate and that is all that is left. I have a hard time because I don't feel love. Thank God for my friends and my dog!! Paulinaakk1, I understand the resentment you feel toward your hb. That would have hurt really bad when he laughed. I don't think men feel emotions like us women do. I know my hb doesn't seem to have ANY emotions. I just don't say much because there is no support from him. I feel for you and am thankful to have women friends who DO understand. Hugs!

This is strange but I'm kind of the opposite. My husband is very sensitive and I know he misses our daughter so much. I really don't want to talk to him about it though because I end up having to lift him up when I think he should be lifting me. This year has been better than last year though. I missed her so much and took it out on him. I was such a bitch! I have come to terms that she is growing up but he still treats her like she's 4 so I have to tell him to let go. It gets exhausting. It would be nice if a couple could be on the same page when it comes to our kids but I guess we all deal with it differently.

He LAUGHED? OMG that is SO insensitive! I'm sorry you were hurt.

I'm certain there are other moms in your area that are going through this and perhaps you can connect with them? Even if it's not an "empty nest" group specifically, connecting with others around your age could be useful.

I honestly feel there isn't much left to my marriage either. For years it has been all about the kids. They have left a hole and now like you khirsch I find another hole that I didn't realize was so big, my husband and I have nothing in common and nothing to talk about without the kids. Roommate is an accurate description.

DeniseMae58 yours is hard too. How do you get someone over being sad when you are devastated too.

Reed31... yes he laughed. I told him I didn't want to stay home that night as it was the first time in 26 years I had not had a child under my roof. He asked if I was having trouble with that and I took a deep breath and said yes and he started laughing like crazy. I told him " you can laugh if you want, but I am serious". He stared at me a minute and said well you'd better get over it cause you day is coming. (Meaning the one who was gone for the weekend will be moving out soon). I said I was well aware, but I was having trouble with the idea. He just walked off without another word.

A huge gaping hole is what I feel I am in. Paulinaakk1, I am sorry you feel the emptiness of the empty marriage as I do. I am at a loss as to how to feel happiness anymore. I have had so much loss in the last few years. My Mom died, my sister died and my two sons are grown and gone. I need them but they don't need me. They have wives now and that is the priority and that is the way it SHOULD be, but my feelings are of emptiness and sadness. I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I have a room mate, not a husband and it only makes me feel so alone. Hard to be positive. I thank God for my dog and my friends. I TRY to focus on the good things in my life but my life is so empty. Sadness is my every day companion. I still have a little hope that maybe some day, I will feel happiness again. Some day.

Hi everyone
I am new to this group,well I oficially registered today... I also wanted to share that today has been the worst day of my life, my only son just moved out, he is also in college, he just pulled out of the driveway and I promise that I feel like my heart is physically breaking into pieces. I love him so much and I have lived for him the last 19 years. I am also in the roomate situation with my husband, I feel devastated but will not share my suffering with him, he is my sons stepdad and I know he doesnt feel the loss or devastation I am feeling. How will I overcome this pain? I looked for a supprt group in my area but I can't find any, I cant imagine my life with out my only sunshine:(

Welcome mrosado24.I feel your pain in your post and I ache with you. The empty nest for me has been extremely tough. My two sons were my life and now they are grown and gone and have wives. My heart aches daily. I try to keep busy and that is the best advice I can give. I am thankful for my dog and for my friends. My husband is just "there." NOT a husband.just a room mate and that is another sad story. It is SO hard to see our kids become adults. My sons don't need me but I still need them. I wish I could just let go. Easier said than done. Besides keeping busy, the only other thing that helps me is to think how I felt back when I was in my 20's and life for me then, did NOT include much interaction with my parents. It was only as I got older that I appreciated them more. I guess I still have hope for better days ahead. I empathize with your emotional pain and am glad you found this website. It always helps me to find others who are suffering what I feel.

Hi Khirsch

Yes, it is very very sad, I never imagined it would be this way. I will follow your advise and try to keep busy, I do work all day but I still don't know how I will go to bed every night without kissing my son good night (yes I still did this although he is 19). I want to let go but I want to let go of my roomate (husband), I can start a whle blg on that one also, he can be so selfish and cold, I am fighting the temptation to call my son,trying to be strong and not annoy him although he was so sweet when I was upset. My heart aches of so much love for my only son and so much pain at the same time, Based on other moms experiences it seems I will feel this way forever...

One day at a time we go. Cherish the memories and I hope your son will call you often. I also try to give them their space and try not to bug them by calling or texting too much. I know that IF I had a good marriage, this would be easier. But, the loneliness is constant and I just am trying to suck it up. I try to count my blessings and it helps me to look at what others are going through as there are always others who have it worse. Hugs!

A real spouse would help in our situations, unfortunately so few people have that kind of support. Yes, I willtry to take it one day at a time.My son texted me a few times last night but I worry that he will get tired of it once he bonds with new friends. I guess I dont have a choice then to wait it out...Take care and stay in touch.

I think you are right regarding the lack of support from husbands. It seems to be pretty common. I am glad your son texted you a few times last night. How far away is he? Will he come home on weekends?

Hi mrosado24
I've been on here for about 2 years now. I can tell you for a lot of people it does get much better. They move on, or at least stop posting on here.
I do think my biggest problem is still having one at home. I try to do family things for him and try to get the other ones to come by to see him. Holidays are especially hard with just him left.
And I know the emptiness it waiting when he leaves so I am hanging on way too hard to him and he doesn't like it.
I hope that when he moves out too I can set up some activites with my husband, dancing, bowling, something and maybe we can get a bit closer. But right now I am so lonely and I just can't get over it.
It is very normal to feel sad and empty for several months, but some of us struggle for years. I try to keep busy too. I am off work at the moment though and that is very hard.
I hope you are one of the people who finds a new life and moves forward.

Hi Paulina and everyone else. I just joined - my first post was to caring for aging parents and this is my second - so that tells you where I am at in my life. What is up with these husbands? Emotionless, roommate, zombie, they all fit. My oldest has graduated uni and is working (another city) and youngest heading off for second year in Sept (two hours away) - I am already feeling sick to my stomach at the prospect. I am close to both, but still don't have much communication from them. I don't know how I will ever lose the empty feeling in my heart. I feel so alone.