Eating Disorders Support Group
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A journal entry I wrote here on DS almost exactly a year ago. Please everyone feel free to add your own ED "gifts".
I got busted with laxatives again last night. I had picked them up on my way home from work yesterday and was going to take them at bedtime. I swear to God Rick has some type of fucking laxative sniff out hound dog or something. I got the whole "You say I treat you like a child and get angry but yet you pull this kind of bullshit" speech - quite the touching moment. JesusHChrist
In the spirit of a recovery attempt, here's a handy dandy list of gifts that ED has bestowed upon me:
My hair is falling out in great big clumps -again. The most interesting part of that has to be that I have massive hair on my arms and face that I get to wax off so I don't look like a monkey. Quite attractive.
I have hypoglycemia and get to check my blood sugar. I "check it often" (you'll only get that little joke if you have the diabetes commercial with the old moustached dude on it)
I get dizzy spells and have to scope out a place that can be used to sit down wherever I go in case I feel like I'm going to pass out. Usually that's the bathroom because my intestines are FUCKED up. Kill two birds with one stone that way. I'm quite the multitasker.
Speaking of bathrooms. I shit water or acid on most days. That's good, clean fun right there folks.
Insomnia - I get lots of quality quiet time between the hours of 2 and 6 am. Sleep is over-rated anyway.
I possess the ability to accidentally vomit into my mouth just by bending over too soon after I've eaten or had something to drink. Now I ask you - Is that a gift or WHAT?
My teeth have taken on a nice, yellowish hue over the years. It looks festive around Easter. The rotten ones come in handy for those last minute Halloween parties. Nobody can say this chick doesn't go all out for the holidays.
Beautiful raccoon eyes. Who among us wouldn't just kill for those? Even better are the days when I sport red eye AND raccoon eye. Don't be jealous.
Liver spots - keeps me occupied when I'm in the bathroom. Confused? Think about it. Built in, readily accesible connect-the-dots.
Free air conditioning with a thermostat that seems to be set at about 20 degrees below zero - Nice on those warm summer days when everyone else has to wear tank tops and bitches about the heat.
Third world country bloat belly - self explanatory.
My keen ability to focus on any task at hand. Errrr, what was I saying again?
Exciting leg cramps - Haven't yet figured out the benefit of these yet. WAIT! They DO give me something to occupy my time between the hours of 2 and 6 am.
Wow. What gifts. I don't even know why anyone would want recovery. Give all of this up? Could I at least keep the heart flutters and chest pains?
I got busted with laxatives again last night. I had picked them up on my way home from work yesterday and was going to take them at bedtime. I swear to God Rick has some type of fucking laxative sniff out hound dog or something. I got the whole "You say I treat you like a child and get angry but yet you pull this kind of bullshit" speech - quite the touching moment. JesusHChrist
In the spirit of a recovery attempt, here's a handy dandy list of gifts that ED has bestowed upon me:
My hair is falling out in great big clumps -again. The most interesting part of that has to be that I have massive hair on my arms and face that I get to wax off so I don't look like a monkey. Quite attractive.
I have hypoglycemia and get to check my blood sugar. I "check it often" (you'll only get that little joke if you have the diabetes commercial with the old moustached dude on it)
I get dizzy spells and have to scope out a place that can be used to sit down wherever I go in case I feel like I'm going to pass out. Usually that's the bathroom because my intestines are FUCKED up. Kill two birds with one stone that way. I'm quite the multitasker.
Speaking of bathrooms. I shit water or acid on most days. That's good, clean fun right there folks.
Insomnia - I get lots of quality quiet time between the hours of 2 and 6 am. Sleep is over-rated anyway.
I possess the ability to accidentally vomit into my mouth just by bending over too soon after I've eaten or had something to drink. Now I ask you - Is that a gift or WHAT?
My teeth have taken on a nice, yellowish hue over the years. It looks festive around Easter. The rotten ones come in handy for those last minute Halloween parties. Nobody can say this chick doesn't go all out for the holidays.
Beautiful raccoon eyes. Who among us wouldn't just kill for those? Even better are the days when I sport red eye AND raccoon eye. Don't be jealous.
Liver spots - keeps me occupied when I'm in the bathroom. Confused? Think about it. Built in, readily accesible connect-the-dots.
Free air conditioning with a thermostat that seems to be set at about 20 degrees below zero - Nice on those warm summer days when everyone else has to wear tank tops and bitches about the heat.
Third world country bloat belly - self explanatory.
My keen ability to focus on any task at hand. Errrr, what was I saying again?
Exciting leg cramps - Haven't yet figured out the benefit of these yet. WAIT! They DO give me something to occupy my time between the hours of 2 and 6 am.
Wow. What gifts. I don't even know why anyone would want recovery. Give all of this up? Could I at least keep the heart flutters and chest pains?
xoxo
But your comment to slinkymink is totally inappropriate.
You forgot one side effect of ED: it turned you into a bitter human being, hurtful to those around you. I would think somebody with such writing skills would be able to take a little critisism without calling other people names.
By the way, I'm not a bitter person at all. I won't, however, tolerate someone coming into a post I shared that was of my heart to have a finger waggled in my face cutting me down.
Now I remember the reason I never post on the message board and stick to my journal. I'll go back to doing that to avoid further confrontations with people who think I'm too foul for the public eye.
I would say that I am more insightful and can identify feelings a tiny bit better than I could a year ago but overall, I would have to say "no" I am really not much further in recovery than I was a year ago..as sad as that is to admit. I have been battling this for over 25 years though and I know its a slow process. I wish I could say I'm all better...I cannot.
When I originally wrote this journal post, it was in response, if I remember correctly, to a lot of young girls posting on the boards almost appearing to want to "catch" anorexia or bulimia. I was disgusted and angry...as the journal clearly shows, lol. I wonder now, what ever happened to some of those little girls from a year ago? Did they "catch" it? Did they move on to bigger and better things? Are they in pain? I would never ever ever want anyone else to have to deal with the constant agony of an ED. I wanted so desperately to scare them away from what they thought would be something wonderful. Little did they know the true reality of what eating disorders are really like. :(
I am happy that you have become more insightful...sad that you are still struggling so terribly! I do understand your pain & wish I could give you a solution...
One thing I remember from all my yrs of treatment - I have always heard, you didn't get here overnight. You are not going to be "over" it overnight...I try to keep that in perspective as I try to walk this demon out!
can i add random panic attacks, cuz i love that addreneline kick!
and loads of alone time, cuz we all need time to relect on the joys of life! (actually that is a bit harsh, i don't hate life,but in the spirit of things...)
and spots! also going for bathroom entertainment!
oh, and no periods! if i'd had kids this really would be a good thing!
The girl is the age of my kid sisters. I cannot even fathome someone encouraging them to wreck their lives.
It's been almost two days sincce I read it and I still feel like crying. It triggered so many emotions.