Were you GOOD today? or Bad?

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One of the worst things anyone has said to me... "I had thought you were smarter than this."

It's not like we all woke up one morning and said "I think I'm going to develop an eating disorder today!"

When I was pregnant my friend said
"You don't look pregnant, you just look like you gained a bunch of weight." WOW..That hurt!

After eating at taco bell, I went to the bathroom. When I came back the same friend said to me
"What did you do? Go throw up your cheesy potatoes?" (this was when I was still in high school and before I ever had an ED. I had just lost a bunch of weight because I stopped taking a certain medication. It still hurt.)

One time my husband made a comment about how before I got pregnant I looked anorexic (I was bulimic but he didn't know at the time)...the same friend as before said
'No she didn't look anorexic. You're crazy."
(so did I look fat?)

"Aren't you a bit old for this?"

"Hey, Bones. Go eat a cheeseburger or three." -co-worker
"What the hell are you eating?" -co-worker
"You look like you're straight out of a concentration camp." -mom
"You need to just eat three big meals, and not throw them up." -dad
"Look at what you're doing to your family and your husband! They deserve so much better!" -dad
"Did you throw up today? / Are you still throwing up?" -dad
"Please don't lose anymore weight; you look like you're a cancer patient." -coworker, mom
"Here, take this cookie for free." -Subway worker when I only bought a diet coke
"Have you been good? / Be good." -husband
"I'm so sick and tired of this eating disorder crap." -husband
"You are a f_cking skeleton!" -mom
"You are totally my trigger! I can't eat with you because I feel fat!" -sister
"Oh yeah, I have anorexia too... /sarcasm" -obviously morbidly obese nurse
"Just stop being so vain / stop thinking only about yourself." -dad
"You just want to be skinny and pretty, don't you?" -random people
"Oh great, you're obviously starting to spiral out of control again." -relatives
"If you want to show me you love me, get better." -dad
"You know, I am kinda jealous that you have the willpower." -mom
"I'm worried about you. Have you contracted cancer?" - regular customer at Starbucks
"Please, we WANT you to taste our cookie!" -customers who purchased a cookie and had offered it to me
"Think about what your husband is going through. You're so selfish. How is Kevin dealing with this?" -relatives
"You have so many good things in your life, so why are you doing this?" -random
"How can you just...throw up? Isn't it nasty? That's so gross." -random
"Why don't you just exercise and eat healthfully?" -random
"Ew, you're so skinny. Are you anorexic or something?" -high school kid, before I even knew what anorexia was.
"You can never be too rich or too thin." -mom
"Well, you could lose five pounds." -mom
"Oh you're looking so much better/healthier! I'm so glad you're all better!" -random
"It's time to grow up, Lily!" -parents
"You're not allowed to come back to school until you can get this under control." -university counsellor
"You're just doing this for the attention." -sister
"Hey, puke-alicious." -sister
"Wow, what's your secret for staying so thin? You probably like, wear a size 00, right?" -coworker
"So, how long have you been on a diet?" -doctor
"Wow, you don't LOOK like you have an eating disorder." -nurse during my first hospitalisation, while I was under five blankets to keep warm
"Just stop being stupid; you were doing so well in school and so smart." -random
"She's just crazy." -dad to coworkers
"You just need to take the right meds and you'll get over this." -dad
"You know, you're not pretty! If you want to be pretty, you'd gain twenty pounds." -random
"Man, I really wish I could be anorexic! I'm so fat!" -friend, after I told her I had been in the hospital for three weeks
"You eat too much to be an anorexic." -random
"What?! You're voluntarily puking? That's weird." -doctor
"Well, you've gotten your weight up, so you don't look so bad now." -doctor
"How'd you become anorexic? Can you teach me some tricks on how to be anorexic/bulimic?" -friends
"This is all your fault; you shouldn't have lost all that weight." -dad and a lot of others
"She's the only hope for our family." -parents, said about my sister
"If you don't stop losing weight, you're going to DIE in three weeks!" -dad (uhm yeah, like he would know!)
"Well, are you a lesbian or something?" -therapist from UCLA (who has written a BOOK on EDs), after I told him I had no sex drive and was worried about my marriage
"I don't like touching you when you're so skinny because your bones hurt me." -husband
"My little stegosaurus." -husband, while running his hand down my spine.
"Come on, Lily, you need to eat _______. If you don't you'll lose more weight." -mother-in-law
"Wow, you are totally thinsperation."
"You're just trying to make me feel fat by posting photos of yourself." -online "friends"
"Mmmm, meaty!" -my dad squeezing my arm while on a walk
"Hey, big thighs!" -high school kid
If you don't gain X amount of pounds, you can't waterski, or even walk. You need to conserve all your energy." -mother-in-law
"You can't go back into treatment, so if you continue in your eating disorder, we're just going to leave you to your own devices to die." -family, husband
"See, you wouldn't have to wear five jackets if you were just a little bigger." -in-laws
"You should drink regular coke." -random
"Stop being so selfish!" -sister
"Uh yeah, I'm sorry, I can't date you anymore. You're too crazy." -ex-boyfriend
"What have you eaten today?!" -relatives, friends, husband policing me
"Man, I could totally bench-press TWO of you!" -coworker
"Lily, if you don't stop this, we are going to throw you into a psych ward forever." -parents
"We'll just have you move in with us, and we'll make sure you get healthy meals at the right time, and monitor you for two hours so you don't puke." -parents
"OMG, how'd you let her get this bad?" -mom, to my husband
"Hunny, you are just way too pretty to being trying to lose weight." -nurse
"Are you trying to be pretty? Because ...you're not." -random
"Oh come on...please...for me? I made this food just for you!!!" -parents
"I'm so done with you." -ex-friends
"You know, guys like it better when you're more curvy!" -friends, random people
"Haven't you seen those Dove commercials? You should be more curvy, and then people would think you're pretty." -random
"You just blame Mom and Dad for everything; you're so selfish." -sister
"That water jug weighs more than you. Here, I'll carry it." -coworker
"You can't take the trash out to the garbage anymore because you're too small." -manager at work
"You're embarrassing me!" -husband at a restaurant
"What's HER issue?" -waiter to my husband
"You have to wait to go to the bathroom for an hour." -husband, after a meal
"I'm locking all the doors to the bathrooms so you won't puke." -husband
"I've been so depressed and have been drinking a lot while you were in treatment." -husband
"You should be the Ethiopian poster child." -coworker
"You eat Ethiopian food? Well, how fitting." -coworker when I mentioned eating at an Ethiopian restaurant
"Why don't you like food? Do you just get nauseous or something, and that's why you throw up?" -random
"You should have died tonight, kid." -doctor while I was in the hospital
"I'm a personal trainer, so I know how to make you fit and lean. Here, let's work out an exercise and meal plan." -ex-boyfriend's brother
"Is that all you're going to eat?" -random
"You can't just eat fruit/veggies all your life." -random
"Oh, you're vegetarian because you're anorexic." -dietitian
"Oh, I'm only so thin because I'm going through a divorce and I'm really depressed all the time." -horribly underweight dietitian in residential
"I'm petitioning to take your driver's license away." -doctor
"If you don't go to the hospital, we will call the campus police." -counsellor at the university
"You know, you're only hurting yourself." -random
"Oh, you're not too bad." -psychiatrist, at 15 pounds underweight, after explaining that I had just got out of treatment for anorexia
"They should make a store for anorexics where there are no nutrition labels. Haha!" -husband
"We can go out to eat if you don't throw it up." -husband
"Get over it already!" -dad/sister
"If you eat some, and gain weight, you'll have big boobs. Isn't that what you want? You'll look like a woman!" -random girls
"If you don't stop this cutting and eating disorder nonsense, I'm going to send you to a psych instead of you getting to study in France." -mom
"What are you? Some angsty emo girl?" -high schoolers
"I'm totally going on the same diet as Lily. Haha." -friend in high school, while throwing out her lunch
"Have you taken your meds? Because you're acting crazy again." -husband
"You don't have your act together." -psychiatrist
"Haha, you're eating pickles and ice cream! Are you pregnant? Oh, I bet you get "morning sickness" too! Haha!" -high schoolers
"How OLD are you?" -random people, referring to me "growing up"
"Oh, this is just a phase." -dad/mom

Well, if you had some meat on your bones, you could wear that.

**It's not like you look skeletal - (told to me by a therapist)

**It takes an act of congress for us to get her to eat anything - (my office manager telling this to another franchise owner and manager right in front of me!)

**We are switching our coffee service to decaf only or else coffee is all she will drink. - (told again by my office manager to our coffee service rep - IN FRONT OF ME!!!)

**What...are you trying to kill yourself?! - (from my sister while i was on the phone with her after being hospitalized - so supportive)

**Oh...she won't be eating today so we'll start the ordering over here. - (this was told to a waiter by a group member while i went with them to brunch after group - once again - very supportive!)

bump.

I've never bumped a topic before!!!

"You're doing this to yourself. You could do so much more to stop this but you won't."

And whenever I say I'm feeling cold/sick/whatever, someone will inevitably say

"I'm not listening to you complain about something you could very easily stop."

I'm not a skeleton, haven't ever been. But I do still hear a lot of comments:

"Great example you are for your niece... why don't you just bring her into the washroom as you throw up your dinner?"

"Wow... you've lost so much weight... you look really good. Maybe throwing up isn't a bad thing?"

(My dad) "Your starving yourself and throwing up? (I say yes) Good, you could afford to loose the weight."

"You don't have an eating disorder... you're not thin..."

"I went through something similar when I was around your age. I smoked for 10 years and got myself to stop though will power. All you have to do is gradually throw up less, it's that simple"--mom

"Did you have a good/bad day?"--mom

People just standing in the kitchen watching me make my plate while making suggestions on what and why I "should" put such and such on the plate also.

"Even you can't wear skinny jeans"--friend

"Do you think she's smaller than you?"--mom, referring to my brother's gf

"more?!?"--random ppl

"C'mon! Just one____ won't hurt you."--random(especially irritating when I honestly just don't and never have liked that particular food, which is mostly the case)

"You're like a f***ing rabbit!"--brother

"Ooh! You've put some weight on! Are you having another baby? Horrors!" My neighbour, last week, after I put a tiny bit of weight on.

At a restaurant the other night the waitress asked me if that was all I was going to eat. A friend I was with replied, 'yeah, she has eating issues.' The waitress turned around and laughed and said, no she doesn't, look at her.

Someone once told me I might look better on a bigger horse.