Eating Disorders Support Group
Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.
My ED started because depression is decreasing my appettite gradually so I eat less everytime and throw up what I can't handle. However, I'm pretty sure it's becoming another way of self-harm for me. I like it when I can see my ribs because I think I deserve to be unhealthy or whatever... (I'm not really that underweight tho).
Lately, I've been throwing away food such as the nutritional suplemets my parents got me when nobody sees me, overexercising, barely eating and throwing up when I can't handle more food intake.
I always go to the gym with my mother... 3 times a week and that's fine but yesterday she didn't go and I worked out for 3 hours, did 40 extra minutes of cardio (besides the 45 we always do) after having a really small break-fast and throwing up.
Also, yesterday my parents saw my SI scars. I gave them my pre-maked story which they seemed to believe. But I feel like I'm breaking down today... I don't want to get more scars in my arm now so they don't get suspicious but I feel I might be starving myself as an alternate way to hurt myself... Idk, I'm scared.
Btw, no... I can't tell them the truth by any chance (long story)
Lately, I've been throwing away food such as the nutritional suplemets my parents got me when nobody sees me, overexercising, barely eating and throwing up when I can't handle more food intake.
I always go to the gym with my mother... 3 times a week and that's fine but yesterday she didn't go and I worked out for 3 hours, did 40 extra minutes of cardio (besides the 45 we always do) after having a really small break-fast and throwing up.
Also, yesterday my parents saw my SI scars. I gave them my pre-maked story which they seemed to believe. But I feel like I'm breaking down today... I don't want to get more scars in my arm now so they don't get suspicious but I feel I might be starving myself as an alternate way to hurt myself... Idk, I'm scared.
Btw, no... I can't tell them the truth by any chance (long story)
I would suggest that you seek professional help (a counsellor or a therapist) to help you with both the ED and SI as these are very complex, and persistent behaviours which do not get better by themselves.
Self-hatred and shame etc can really drive both of the above... I hear that in your post, i.e. "I think I deserve to be unhealthy...." Perhaps ask yourself "why?" and "where did this belief about myself come from?". The ED and SI are only symptoms of a much bigger and deeper issue and inner pain.
Take care and keep posting for support.
Kim.