Eating Disorders Support Group

Eating disorders are marked by an obsessive need to control the intake and/or purging of food. This community is dedicated to those struggling on the road to recovery. Join to discuss your experience with others and find support. Get advice, ask questions, and meet others who are going through similar struggles.

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Hi

SophiaElise246
SophiaElise246

I'm 16 and I just wanted to talk. It's okay if no one actually reads this tho. I try to talk to my friends but they don't understand. Neither do my teachers and my mom just ignores anything like this. I've struggled with my eating habits for years. I don't think it is considered anorexia tho because I still will eat a lot sometimes and that's why I will then eat even less, so I can make it even. And I have made it through every day without passing out or something. But again no one understands me. They all just tell me to eat. I mean I don't blame them, I can't expect them to understand. But I wish someone could help me instead of making me more anxious about food by repeatedly telling me to eat. Does that make sense? And the thing that makes me really annoyed is when people tell me I'll just get fatter if I don't eat because then when I do start eating I'll gain more. I've heard that at least a million times. I guess it could be true but they are nagging me. It's not helping me. 

LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
I understand that feeling too. Once, early in my process, I was talking about my family and my therapist asked "what about you?", meaning what about my feelings, and I didn't even hesitate when I said "I don't matter" and she said "well I think you matter". I felt like she had just slapped me I was so stunned. I actually made a motion of pulling away from her because in my experience if someone cared about me, they were up to something very bad.

The thing is, when you live with people who you feel don't care about you, you start to believe you are not worthy of it. The truth is, you are worth caring for and people show you that by showing they care. Repeat after me "I am worthy of being cared for, loved and respected just because I am me". That is the truth you should have been hearing your entire life.
SophiaElise246
SophiaElise246
One of my teachers keeps telling me that repeating something over and over, eventually I will start to believe it. I've tried saying good things. I've tried writing positive things. I end up ruining everything positive when I do that though. I get so mad because I can't see or believe anything she says or that she has me say or write. I want to believe but it's like there's a voice inside me that whenever positive is near it screams the opposite. And all I can see is the negative.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
The change from negative thoughts about yourself/life to positive thoughts about yourself/life do not come quickly. I always hesitate to tell people how long it took me to get to the point where the positive thoughts came naturally but....here I go....10 years. I don't want to discourage you but I also don't want you to think it happens in just a few months. You have years of thinking the thoughts you are thinking and changing them will also take years. Please don't give up. If all you do today is say to yourself "I AM WORTHY" then you will have made progress.
SophiaElise246
SophiaElise246
The hardest thing for me is to hear someone say something positive about me that I can't see. For example, today I was practicing a chorus solo for a choir festival. My teacher was saying that I had all the right notes and rhythms but I just lacked projection. She keeps telling me that I have a beautiful voice but I don't. I hear myself and so does she and I just don't understand how she could think I am good enough. I mean I'm not, my best friend (who for some reason this year doesn't seem to be much of a friend ) she's a beautiful singer she even got into all state which is the best singers in our state coming together and performing a concert after practicing as a choir for only 2 days. I've never gone. Only to all country which technically is just below all state but it's really easy to get into all county. But I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm worthy to live, I have to because no one else would help my mom. But I'm not good enough.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
Let me ask you this. If you could talk to yourself when you were 5 - and I mean if you actually had 5 year old little you standing in front of you - would you tell her "you are not good enough"? Would you tell any 5 year old that? Just because you have received the message your whole life that "you are not good enough" it doesn't mean it's true. All it means is that you made the choice to believe what they said to you. It's now your choice to continue to believe what they told you or not. No one can force you to love, or even like, yourself. That's something you need to do for yourself. I can assure you that if you put in the effort to change all those negatives to positives you WILL be rewarded with a wonderful happy life. Until then, what you experience now will likely be what you experience your entire life. And that's a shame when you have so much power to change.
SophiaElise246
SophiaElise246
I would tell my 5 year old self I'm not good enough.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
There was a time when I would have answered the same way. Thankfully, in my early 20's, I started to understand that I had the power to change my thought process. I thank God for the therapist I had at the time who kept pushing me. I thank God that I was finally willing to do the work. Life is so much better once you stop beating yourself up. I hope you come to this understanding sooner rather than later so you can have a wonderful life.