Sorry to hear you’re going through this. Yes it makes lots of sense and well done for speaking out.
Maybe sit down with your Mum and tell her just how much you are struggling, you both might realise professional help really is best for you?

Also about gaining weight if you don’t eat, yeah it’s a myth. Are you conscious about gaining weight then? As for me, being detested at my body image is a huge trigger for a binge cycle

Hello SophiaElise246, welcome to the group. I am very sorry that your mother ignores these issues with you. That is a very hurtful way for her to react to a very serious disorder.

Is there another family member you can go to for help? Or maybe even a friends parent?

Thanks for replying to me.

My mom is a counselor herself but when it comes to her family she would rather ignore the problems. I used to try my hardest to ignore them but one of my teachers and I just conected I guess and I would tell her everything and eventually she got me to talk to our school social worker. So, I talk to her but my mom doesn't know and I don't want her to. I do wish we were more open with each other but it's not realistic for my family.

I don't really know if it's just one thing that makes me not eat or eat a lot. I mean, I love controlling how much I eat and I guess I lose control when I'm eating which makes me mad. And I do think I'm fat and just ugly no matter how many times people say otherwise. And when I eat it's like I can feel the fat growing and I feel like I'm just growing and growing. I don't know if that makes sense at all. And a lot of times when I do eat my stomach starts hurting so then I won't eat much for the rest of the day.

Ah that’s sad about your mum as she doesn’t seem to be able to register or deal with it. Really good that you talk to someone at school though. Have they directed you into how to change your mood when you feel out of control?

And this is going to sound ridiculous but when you feel disgusted in yourself, whether it be your image or what you’ve done or if your thoughts are going mad.. just think ‘at least I’ve got my arms and legs’
Someone told me that once (jokerly, not knowing anything about me) but it kind of fits right?

I don't really talk about it much but she has gone over "the circle of control" where I'm supposed to realize that I have other things I can control and accept the things I can't. Haven't accepted it yet. I'm kinda stubborn. Ya, I can understand that. There's always someone who is in a harder situation.

I have to warn you, I am going to go off on a rant right now about how your mother is handling this situation with you. This rant is not meant to offend you or your mother so if it does I am truly very sorry. First, if your mother is a trained, educated and licensed counselor then she should be ashamed of herself for not supporting you (as a counselor but especially as a mother) and for discussing with you "the circle of control" and expecting you to realize that there are things you can and cannot control. Second, since she is not helping you with the ED and ignores this situation it is very likely that she still has buried issues of her own that she has not dealt with. MANY counselors, therapists and psychologists never do their own work to heal and what happens is they can only help others to a certain point - the point where they themselves have healed to. So if your mother has body issues and food issues of her own (she likely does) she will not be able to empathize with you or support you in your healing. In this regard she has failed you as a mother and a counselor. Shame on her.

I want to explain to you why we develop eating disorders. ED's are coping mechanisms we use so we don't have to feel strong emotions. At some point in each of our lives it became unsafe to express emotions around others. The reasons it becomes unsafe are numerous but a few are physical abuse and emotional abuse such as judging, ignoring, insulting, bullying and name calling by those around you. It is difficult to keep all those emotions inside so we develop ways to cope with them and an ED is one way. Some also turn to alcohol and/or drugs. They all help us cope with difficult feelings that we don't want to show to the world. And we don't want to feel them either so we essentially numb them with the ED. If it was safe for you to express all your feelings you wouldn't need the ED to cope with them. And I'm guessing that you don't feel safe expressing your feelings with your mother and perhaps other family members too. As a counselor I would think that your mother would understand that this is what an ED is.

Are you stubborn? Yes you are stubborn in that you won't just give in to the ED and let it take control of your life. Your stubbornness is going to see you through healing. Your stubbornness at not accepting that your life will be saddled with an ED should be celebrated because it's your stubbornness that will free you from it. Embrace that stubbornness!

As for others in a harder situation...I suppose there are but that doesn't mean your situation is not hard. By acknowledging that others have it harder than you only minimizes your struggle. And your struggle is real and your struggle is hard. It should never be minimized.

I am sure your mother is a good person and I don't mean to make it sound like I'm scolding her. Well, I guess I am scolding her (that's the mother/protector in me). It's all my opinion based on what you have written here and I understand I don't have all the facts. I hope I am wrong on all counts - I really do. ((Hugs))

Lol, that was a bit of a rant! But don't worry I don't take it offensively. My mom was taught to basically keep on a strong face. If you feel like crying go cry where no one can see you. That's what my whole family has been taught. So I still have that thought process that if I show how upset I actually am then I won't get anywhere in life. She actually compared our dog to me today. Our dog Jazz is funny with food. She gets the same brand of food whenever we run out but we get different flavors sometimes. So my theory is that she gets bored halfway through the first bad and wants a new flavor etc. Well she goes through these days when she just won't eat much but then she will eat an entire bowl in one go. Today my mom said Jazz doesn't want to eat sometimes, like me. I laughed it off but it kinda makes me a little uncared about in that she doesn't seem to care that much about what I do as long as I do exactly what I did, laugh or smile when I don't really feel like it. I only have my junior year and senior year of high school left so I'll be able to get away soon tho. Can't wait to just go as far away from "home" as I can.

Yeah good points Lucky, took me so long to read that ‘:). Not sure if this is great advice or not but maybe just accept your Mum isn’t to confide you hoped for, it’s very unfortunate she can’t be there for you but just take her for what she is and clearly she struggles to admit your in pain. So I think continue opening up to the school counsellor and maybe a friend?
However friends ok if they understand, do you know if any of your mates struggle with similar things?

I am sorry that you are yet one more child being raised in a household where you are taught to hide your feelings. I am also sorry that your mother compared your eating habits to the dogs eating habits (p.s. my cats do the same thing your dog does). That is just so unnecessary and extremely hurtful. I would also feel uncared about if my mother said that to me (she actually said plenty but never compared anything I did to our pets). I pray to God that she doesn't use these analogies and theories with her paying patients. If she does, God help them.

I have 2 older brothers and the eldest wanted to leave our house at the age of 3. He has a fantastic memory and one day he said to me "when I was 3 I wanted to get out of that house more than anything. When I was 5 I got my first bike and realized I could ride it down the street and escape home for a while. When I got older and got bigger bikes I rode it farther and stayed out later. Then when I got a car, I escaped for full days. I did anything to get out of that house". Of the three of us his experience was the most extreme but we all wanted out. My middle brother acted out with temper tantrums as a child and when he got a car he was never around. I just became as invisible as possible. This long winded paragraph was me saying "I understand completely that you have a countdown going for when you can leave".

I also want to say this...in each family someone comes along who says "This isn't a good way to do this ("this" can be anything) and I promise I will not do 'this' in my family someday". You are the one breaking the mold in your family and although it is a hard job I am sure you will be excellent at it. Keep your eye on the prize and make a promise to yourself that you will continue to work on your own healing once you are on your own. Oh! And stay stubborn! :-)

Have you tried telling them that it only makes it worse? They may not realize

Some of my friends have problems of their own but they aren't going through the same things I am. Their problems include their parents taking away their phone or so and so said this... those problems are important and I can listen to them and give them advice but when it comes to me they don't know what to say. And I don't want sympathy so I don't really talk to them much. And some don't talk to me much anymore.

I'mpretty sure my mom was kind to her clients and helped them because if we run into one of them like at the store they are always happy to see her. She hasn't been to work though in 2 years. I thought it was because she medically can't and I'm sure it was at first and maybe some part of it still is. But I don't think she's ever going back. She had a surgery at her neck because something was growing. And she has arthritis and her knee is messed up so she's in pain basically all the time. She had medicine but I haven't seen her get more in forever because we also don't have a car. It's really frustrating because I can't do anything. I'm dependant on others and I hate it.

I wasn't in a very good mood today. I was trying to be positive but I was just so mad. I don't think I was really mad at one thing tho. Just mad. I know I should have eaten lunch but my excuse for the teacher (who I know cares about me almost like her own kid) was that I was busy. I was doing school work but I didn't want to eat either. I don't know if this is normal or just a stupid me thing. But I will get hungry the class before my lunch or throughout the day. But then once you put food in front of me I'm not hungry anymore. That's my hardest thing because when I am with my social worker and I have told her about it a bit and I told her I'm working on it and she has given me advice and told me some steps. But I just don't go through with them. She tries to push me a little but I just don't get hungry and I refuse to eat if I'm not hungry because if I'm full and I eat more I'll get fatter. Is that just weird?

Milii613, I have told them things would get worse and so far no one has called mom but I'm just scared of what would happen if they had to tell her. If they feel I could be a threat to me or someone else they have to tell no matter what.

I was also in an angry mood today. Must be something in the air.

I also would shut off my hunger response the minute I was near food. I think this is something many people with an ED can relate to. I remember there was a time of being hungry even with food in front of me but I'd ignore the feeling and not eat. Eventually I didn't have to try any more because the minute I was near food I'd basically shut down and all hunger disappeared.

It's a vicious cycle, eat, gain a little weight, panic, shut down, stop eating, lose weight, repeat. When healing I had to force myself to eat even when I wasn't hungry. There is a whole lot of positive self talk that went along with it too. It's so important to eat something. I'm glad you have a teacher who cares about you. That is so important.

That makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one to be like that. I know she cares about me and so does my social worker but it annoys me sometimes. And sometimes I wonder why people care. I mean honestly why?