scared, angry, depressed, and angrier....it's not your responsibility to make your dad happy. it's not your job to pull him out of this, he's a grown man. maybe try to keep the lines of communication open a bit more that way he doesn't get smacked in the face with it when he "discovers" your actions. i dunno, just a thought.

I agree that your dad's depression is not your responsibility. But I do believe it is your responsibility to communicate your needs, to keep fighting and not give up, and to seek out the help you need. It sounds like your dad feels helpless over the situation and that he loves you and is worried and doesn't know how to help you. He's probably scared. What he doesn't know is that you most likely share a lot of the same emotions. Perhaps you and your dad could go to counseling together so you can open communication and learn how to help each other instead of tear each other down. My parents have been dealing with mine for quite a while but they do not understand the severity of it. So I have to take responsibility for recovery if that is what i choose--and it is. Even though I am in a relapse my goal is always recovery. I share some things with my parents but they can't fix it. And it seems like the more I share with them the more I feel rejected or like they don't care. Which really is because they feel helpless and don't know what to do to help--or sometimes they know what to do to help but they can't afford it. At this point in my life only I can enter into recovery with the help of support and professionals. They can't undo it for me. I wish they could. I've had to learn to take full accountability, to take my power back, and to fight like heck to win the battle.

Heya. I completely understand. I have been in the same situation. Only I used to purge next to the door, so that I could stop my parents from coming in, in case they would try to unlock my bedroom door. It was horrible. I would turn the radio up so that they would not hear me purge. I felt so bad. So mean and cruel. And my parents were so frustrated.. But here's my advice to you. You have to be HONEST! and talk to your dad. It is the most important thing. My mum used to say that if I needed to use the toilet after I ate then I should just tell them.. I never did that, but at least my mum became more understanding of the situation.. All I can say is be honest. At least then you won't have all the guilt. And your dad can better help you get well:) You will get there. But you have to respect him and he has to respect you. For me the situation has improved living with my boyrfriend, as I respect him and don't want to hide things from him. Maybe that's the attitude you should have towards your dad:) Good luck

If you've had an eating disorder for any length of time and have embarked on any kind of treatment, you will be well aware that the "professionals" all see ED's as a family illness. Any time something happens (good or bad) to a family member, everybody else is affected. Smash? I think your dad is in need of some counselling of his own, and maybe the whole family too. I hated family therapy, but at least it helps make your family members feel less isolated and responsible for it and possibly understand your disorder with greater empathy.

ur dad gets this way but its not ur fault. im almost completely sure that u didnt do it to hurt him. he just gets upset by it. its not ur fault at all. and parents that get mad most time just react that way because they dont know wat else to do.

I would assume most parents would act the way my mom did: she felt like a failure as a parent. You have to reassure them that you appreciate their aid as you work through this tough time. It's just a relapse, but you got past it once before. Just do it again for longer. As for your dad, just as you have relapses so does he. His depression isnt your fault. Depression is really tough, I know. But as my therapist tells me, you are in charge of how you react to a given situation. Talk to him about it. Tell him you are sorry and feel that your relapse sent him back into depression. Tell him you want him to react different. Try something else. Like being angry with you or paying much closer attn and trying to help you get past this. Give him something to focus on.

My mom offered me a candy bar and a membership to weight watchers. My dad complained that he was wasting money on food because I would just throw it up. But when I gained a lot of weight from just binging he told me he didn't want to pay for my therapy anymore. He said he didn't think it was working since I got fat. Whatever

my father has completely shut down on occasion as well.....he wouldnt talk to anyone...he would just sit in his chair and stare at the tv...and he wouldnt even do it at home...he would go to his parents house and do it...and he would stay up late eat night trying to figure out a way to fix me....i have always felt guilty for being the cause of this....but we cannot get down on ourselves because of how people react in a given situation...but for ur sake and for the sake of ur realationship with ur parents...i hope that u recover asap....my dad and i dont talk anymore

Your dad's depression is a sign that he cares and loves you but feels powerless to help you. It is difficult for someone to
understand what you are going through. It isn't as simple as they think. The hiding and the secrecy is the hardest. You are really leading a double life and are trapped. It took 15 years for me to
try therepy. And it took a couple therepist for me to find the right one.
It saved my life. I never thought I would go a day without making myself sick.Or eating a meal without feeling guilty. It took 2 years into therepy for me stop. But I did. I still have days that I want to.. I don't think that will ever go away. But you have an advantage.. your dad loves you and isn't disgusted in you, he's sad. That means he's willing to help you. Try it. It's not what your eating it's what's eating you.

scared,pissed,concerned....didn't understand ed itself til i was in therapy and had to explain it. it got better w/ them after awhile...but it is till w/ me every day and ugh....hugs to u!

look, its not your fault your dad is upset. so dont go blaming yourself!! it is hard for him to see what you are going thru. hes very worried.i told my parents this past winter about my bulimia and it was very hard for them. they did not know what to say. but they were there for me when i needed them. even if they didnt know how to help me, they just listened. it brought us closer togethr.

Hello,
Ive read what you have said ,and Ive read what the others have said...Iam speaking from a parent who has a child that has a ED..she has had this terrible problem for about 5years now....she started when she was 16..we have been to doctors,hospitals,counseling.we both now what the damage and outcome can come from haveing a ED...when she was underage..I could have alittle control over the sitituion,as far as making her go to counseling or put in the hospital...but when she reached the age of 18,,I can't really make her do anyhting she dosent want to...The one thing that dose help ..is you and your father going to couceling together,because he needs to vent out his anger and confusion of how did this happen to begin with...also his helpiness of the problem....I felt so helpless..I come to realize that my daughter was going to do this with or without me....she knows all the downfalls,because she's had all the doctors and counselors tell her what can happen to her if she dosent stop....so she knows this....the one thing that helped me and is still helping me is going to the couseling with her....she had her time to talk to the couselor and then I had mine.....I learned what I could do and coul'nt do..and I found out it wasn't anything to do with me...it is hard for the whole family...MY daughter is now 20 and still fights with this..she isn't as bad,but she still has it...I feel as a parent I have done everything I can to offer her help..and just to be there for her if she needs me...She told me that it is her body and her choice to do this,and she knows the outcome of this....so ive washed my hands of this,because I know I did eveything I could for her,but Im here if she needs me...It's kinda for me...before me and my husband got a divorce we went to couceling...and talked about things,but at the end it just wasn't going to work,,but I knew I did my part as to trying to make it work,so I was at ease when It was over....and I feel the same way with my daughter...I know deep in my heart I did everything I could.to help her...so I had to let myself be ok with her dealing with this without any interfearnce from me...But IUam here if she needs me....I think it would be good for you and your father to go to couseling and then go from there....you both are going to need this.....Good luck to you and your family.....

Irma

Guess what, I got no reaction at all. No one mentioned it, no one did anything to stop it. I think they were all too scared and to tell you the truth, I think I embarrassed them. Your Dad probably just doesn't know what to do. Maybe he feels as helpless as you do. Opening up to him will be hard. Really hard and you have to be incredibly brave. No one can predict how he'll react, but I'll bet he will and I want you to trust me on this. It's better than nothing.

i havent admitted it to my dad, but i know he would be really angry at at me 24/7 about it. my mum knows and is in denial about it, she is a binge eater and wishes she could lose as much weight as i have so there isnt so much concern as a bit of jealousy involved. its not your fault how they react to your ED, they are adults and need to take responsibility for themselves and seek help if they need it.

i've been there... don't feel guilty... you are all going to need help to get through this, but it's not your fault!!!