Believe it or not, after four months of waiting and wondering and basically pure hell, I have personally negotiated a deal with my stbx for the down payment on a car. No attorney involved!! The stbx came by this morning to discuss the sale of the house. Things were going well, he agreed to help paint, etc. etc. He asked if I had heard from my attorney. I told him no. He said his attorney had been waiting on her. I asked if it had been communicated to him that my car dealership had offered the same loan deal that his bank had and that all I needed now was the down payment and the insurance. He didn't need to co-sign. I asked point blank if we could go ahead with that. Could he provide the money. He said he'd think about it. I pinned him down further and asked him to let me know by tonight. I kept pushing ahead, suggesting an asset from which he could easily access the money. He said that would work! Ha! Success! A car will soon be mine!! Hallelujah!

Goldengirl:
I'm really HOPING that what he promised will come to pass. There was quite a bit of this kind of crap early on in my divorce -- I called it the Bait & Switch game -- and I learned that I couldn't trust him any further than I could throw him. Just keep your eyes and ears wide open, take good notes and make sure you communicate any and all of these "side deals" to your attorney.

I was wondering what you might be thinking about this latest development, Cowgirl. But now I'm worried. I so hope he's not messing with me. He seemed sincere about getting this aspect of our settlement over with, probably because he can't keep driving my daughter around forever. I also know the car issue is keeping us from moving forward with the final settlement agreement and he is eager to get that done. But, I know him well and he cannot always be trusted. He has his best interests at heart and I know that. With him, it's not always what he says and does that worries me, it's what he doesn't say and doesn't do that you have to worry about. Therein lies the rub! That's usually where you find the deception component…what he's cheating you out of. I did communicate this to my attorney and fin. planner in an email yesterday. Haven't seen a response.

Goldengirl:
If you already KNOW that you can't trust him, and you already know that he only ever has HIS best interests in mind, why on earth are you expecting him to behave differently now? THAT'S the big issue here from where I sit.

My experience is that they will promise you a lot of things as long as they think it's going to benefit THEM. Nothing is a done deal UNTIL IT'S IN WRITING. He's playing you because he knows as long as he can, he maintains control. This is exactly why myself and others have been preaching GET TEMPORARY ORDERS FOR SUPPORT -- take it out of the "personal" realm and make it a legal action. That's what so many of us HAD to do. To Hell with things "getting nasty" -- it's the very rare case when things don't get that way. Better to lawyer up and let the attorneys hammer out a deal. That way, you can work on yourself and not end up down in the mud with a recalcitrant stbx. Just sayin.

Lets look at this. You have been separated four months and have to wait another 8 months or more for the divorce. I'm just guessing at the times. So if he can stall a few more months he won't have to pay temp support or very little temp support.Isn't that no interest CC in your name only? He could try to pass that debt on to you. The longer you wait the more in debt you become and the less he has to pay. Please correct me if I have this wrong. I don't have time to go back thru your postings.

The man is playing games with your life. The ex tried that with me but it didn't work well for him.

I agree. Don't ask your lawyer if temp support is a good idea. Direct him or her to file it. Like you said yourself, the STBX is not know for his honesty. He could be telling you what you want to hear so he can stall and hide things. We have seen it here over and over and over.

I've just now had time to read through this thread..I live in Canada and cant offer much legal advise...but...what I do know is...you are being strung along by your stbx...you simply can no longer trust this man. He does not have your best interests at heart.

Goldengirl..please listen to the veterans of this site. You have been given lots of really good advise and support...now its up to you to put this wealth of information into practise. File for your temp. support and take control of your financial future. If he was cheap and deceptive about finances before divorce...he will be more so during and post divorce. Remember...the true meaning of insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different result. This is your life and your future...make this your priority...to hell with him...Big Hugs...Kathy

I am listening, dairy. I do appreciate all of the advice.

My attorney has just emailed a final settlement draft and emailed it to me. Sure wish I could scan the thing and post it here but it's 20 pages long. Will read it and report back...

You can just hit the high points. But I think you should fully expect more hemming and hawing on the part of your stbx. If you can get him to fork over the money for the down payment on the car, that's a good thing -- an immediate need taken care of. But I'm with dairytech -- he knows exactly what he's doing by stalling and keeping you out there living on a shoestring and hoping you will get stuck paying that whole massive credit card debt out of what you ultimately get in the settlement.

I agree, Cowgirl. Will be interesting to see how she addresses that credit card debt in the Agreement. Better get started reading it. Part of me is so relieved that I FINALLY have an Agreement in my hands. The other part of me is scared to read it.

Oh yeah, and re: the hemming and hawing. My attorney said that the stbx and his attorney will "have a cow" when they see it. But my attorney said to me, "Just hang on for the ride."

Good luck goldengir

Thank you, honey. Appreciate your support very much.

GREAT!!! Good news - Hope it's everything you want for now.

Do not give in to his bullying tactics. That is what they are good for. They love to rewrite history and make themselves to be as poor as a church mouse. Fight back. Hugs