Goldengirl - Sometimes just the THREAT of taking them to court for temporary support is enough to get the money flowing. And there is no need to be intimidated by the idea of making a court appearance. Most of the people will be there for their own legal issues that day and aren't as interested in what's going on with yours as you may think.

As far as the stbx co-signing the loan and then NOT being responsible after the divorce, I doubt he will be able to get THAT written into the loan documents LOL. Just tell him what he wants to hear and then follow it up in your financial settlement. But you DO need a car! Sounds to me like he's just into totally avoiding the situation at hand -- not uncommon. I say keep pursuing the legal action and sooner or later, he's gonna HAVE TO come up off some of YOUR MONEY!

No offense, but there is no clarification as to who actually is the registered titled owner/s of the car your daughter is using! I hate to say, there is no mention in your post whether your daughter owns the vehicle. Either way, good luck.

Cowgirl - Actually the bank is going to allow him to co-sign and then get off. I will have to refinance at that point but I will have alimony coming in by then and the bank said there should be a problem with refinancing on my own.

Definitely still need a car. Why no one sees the urgency there I just don't understand.

Toby - The car I'm currently driving was handed down to my daughter by her grandmother who can no longer drive. It's probably in my husband's name as she was still a minor when she received it. She is currently sharing a car with her dad who lives on the opposite of town! It's a very inconvenient and unnecessary situation caused by stbx. This was identified was an "immediate need" of mine back in March by my first attorney. My husband and his attorney have been stalling on this since then, believe or not.

Well I still say you need to get some legal action in motion. Once you have orders in place for temporary financial support (called Alimony Pente Lite in some states) you will have the "income" to back up your loan application with no need to refinance at a future date.

From everything you have shared on this board so far, I'm still adamant about TAKING LEGAL ACTION. In the long run, it will probably be more cost-effective than paying your attorney to attempt to negotiate with your stbx. YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE WITH A TERRORIST and that's exactly how he is behaving!

Finally head back from the attorney. She said his attorney is asking for a final settlement and she is asking for a confirmation on the car before she submits our final settlement to him because "he will have a cow when he sees it and will become not so cooperative." So, at least a little bit of info. there. I asked if it was too late to file for temp support. Waiting to hear her thoughts on that.

So, nothing more from the attorney today. I HATE ALL THIS WAITING. I feel like everyone has control over my life except me right now. Ugh.:(

Heard back again. Guess I have her attention! Considering temp support…did one of ya'll say if asking for temporary money, make it close to the alimony amount? Think I read that. My alimony will be around $4,000-$4,500/mth, if all goes well. My attorney is asking me now if $2,000/month additional money would work on a temporary basis.

That might have been me. You want temp support to be close to the same amount you will need for your alimony. If you can live on less why should you be given more. So show that you have a need for what you want your alimony to be.

If your atty is asking for more why not.

The rationale behind asking for a certain amount of temporary alimony is that it will show the court "his willingness and ability to pay."

While I never had a temporary order of support, the now-X sent me X amount per month every month during the 18 Months of Hell. That amount came out of our single, frustrating session with a Mediator not 2 months after I put him out of the house and was backed up by the good records I had kept of our operating expenses over the previous 5 years.

When we finally got down to the wire (3 days before we were scheduled for Divorce Court) I asked for (and got) $1,000 MORE per month. This was "justified" by what it was going to cost me to carry my own health insurance through COBRA and maintenance and repairs on the farm and equipment. (I also got the farm -- which had been paid off 7 years earlier). BUT I probably would have settled for less IF he hadn't been such an asswipe in the 9 months between me actually filing for divorce and the actual divorce. Every time he pulled his shenanigans, my attorney and I upped the ante. I'm absolutely certain that he kicked his butt many times over the next 6 years. It would have been cheaper for him IF he had been more cooperative early on.

That's exactly what I'm worried about, in addition to all the other stuff! "Every time he pulled his shenanigans" rings true here. He hasn't fully disclosed some of the most basic stuff, like his true expenses. He's been very vague. Even the financial indicated that. As I've mentioned, he's getting his attorney for free, a benefit provided by his employer. Every time he limits what he provides, I am the paying for it in essence but it requires me to question it and ask my financial planner and attorney more questions, which they most certainly charge for! I think he's trying to confuse us with what he provides. Now, he's only providing a limited amount of info and only to the the attorney, interestingly, despite repeated requests from me, to provide the financial planner and myself a copy of everything. He just won't do it and I think there's a good reason for that. The attorney is new to the case. I think he believes she won't pick up on what he's not providing. Does that make sense?

He could also be stalling to wear you down and cost you more money. He's not paying for an Atty and you have no money coming in of your own. You have to pay for your Atty and the financial planner and you have no car.

Getting him into court might motivate him to give a better accounting of expenses. You can get his income; its the retirements and extras that he is holding back on. What does your atty know about his atty? Most of the women in my Divorce Care group knew that if their ex used a certain atty in town they would get what they were asking for. My ex used that atty and I came out of this great financially but I handled all the money while we were married.

Golden, you can ask your attorney for a copy of any and all correspondence she is receiving. As a matter of fact, you should already be getting that information! Then YOU can disseminate it to your financial planner or whomever you wish.

Trisha is right -- getting him into court is going to separate the men from the boys. If he falsifies information that becomes part of the record, he can get into very hot water legally.

Just remember what I keep telling you -- so many of these guys won't do ANYTHING until a judge tells them THEY HAVE TO!

p.s.
I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the attempt to negotiate a settlement out of court over a 9-month period. My attorney kept telling me "I can't make him DO anything! But a judge can! Let's go ahead and file for divorce." At the 9 month point I had had quite enough, thank you. Looking back, I wish I hadn't waited so long but it took that long for me to finally reach the point of accepting that my marriage was over. That's when I began to look at the financial part as the most important business deal of my life. Hopefully, you will, too.

You are getting some really wise advice here FOR FREE.

Thanks, trisha and cowgirl. Agree with all you've said. I know the marriage is over. No prob with that realization. I am extremely frustrated with the constant delays. He definitely has me over a barrel and I'm sure he knows that. I do think it's time to play hardball or at least show him that we can. I have a feeling that his "free" attorney won't be free anymore if we take the stbx to court. Perhaps that will be enough to scare him into action. <sigh> I do fee worn down, trisha. Trying my best to carry on, can't afford to cave. This is it for me. No family to lean if I get into trouble. I know this is the most important business deal of my life. Wish I felt more in control of things.