Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi
I discovered my husband's affair of one year the day before valentines day. I was blindsided, devastated, etc... He moved out right away. He's 57, she is 33, and has a 2 yo.
While I know he is not what I want now, I don't even miss HIM, it is still very painful. I have 3 children. Two are in college, and I have a 13 yo son at home. He's so sad that he now doesn't have a father. The kids are so devastated that he would choose another family over his own. She is still married, and her husband doesn't know about mine. They had it all planned out. "waiting until she gets a divorce, so it doesn't look like she was having an affair."
He has totally abandoned us.
I still have control of the finances, but he is taking out quite a bit per month for his expenses. Therefore, we are having trouble making ends meet. Plus I'm spending so much on counseling for everyone!!!!
I just can't believe this is happening to me.
I have had urges to contact the husband to let him know, and to contact the OW, just to see her face. Plus, her mother is involved! She is actually encouraging the affair. It is where my husband sent gifts to OW.
It sounds like she thinks my husband is a sugar daddy.
Reading this blog helps, because I see how normal it is to have good/bad days and weeks. I think I've only had one GOOD week so far. But I'm being strong for the kids.
I've been reading the blog entries for a while now, I thought it would be fair to finally write something.
Thanks everyone
I discovered my husband's affair of one year the day before valentines day. I was blindsided, devastated, etc... He moved out right away. He's 57, she is 33, and has a 2 yo.
While I know he is not what I want now, I don't even miss HIM, it is still very painful. I have 3 children. Two are in college, and I have a 13 yo son at home. He's so sad that he now doesn't have a father. The kids are so devastated that he would choose another family over his own. She is still married, and her husband doesn't know about mine. They had it all planned out. "waiting until she gets a divorce, so it doesn't look like she was having an affair."
He has totally abandoned us.
I still have control of the finances, but he is taking out quite a bit per month for his expenses. Therefore, we are having trouble making ends meet. Plus I'm spending so much on counseling for everyone!!!!
I just can't believe this is happening to me.
I have had urges to contact the husband to let him know, and to contact the OW, just to see her face. Plus, her mother is involved! She is actually encouraging the affair. It is where my husband sent gifts to OW.
It sounds like she thinks my husband is a sugar daddy.
Reading this blog helps, because I see how normal it is to have good/bad days and weeks. I think I've only had one GOOD week so far. But I'm being strong for the kids.
I've been reading the blog entries for a while now, I thought it would be fair to finally write something.
Thanks everyone
Sending hugs!! Go see your attorney and show him what your version of "reconciliation" is.
But I took a step back and looked at my kids, and saw the sadness and anger they have towards their dad.
After about three months my children's father broke off his affair and moved onto to someone else. The OW's husband to this day does not know about his wife's affair, and they are still married.
I approached her one day and asked to tell me about the affair, when , where etc. She politely told me she couldn't tell me because she knew it would bring me more pain.
I was so pissed off at her, but three years later I am happy I don't know the logistics of the affair.
The question you have to ask yourself about going to counselling with your husband, is are you the type that could forgive him. I know I never could, I would never trust again. To know that he managed to keep it a secret from me for so long, I would forever be wondering if I was missing something.
Beanie, all the advice offered to this point is straight on, with the most important piece being to get thee to an attorney a.s.a.p. You MUST protect yourself and your share of the financial interests. I commend you for doing the counseling thing for yourself and your son who is still living at home. There's no way I would have survived divorce without my therapist -- OR my attorney. Those two amazing women were my Dream Team!
I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Know that we're all here to help and support you! xoxo