Awww…yes, this happens this to the best of us! But, you've come to right place for support. Just keep posting and they will answer with such good advice. As I have learned this past week!

I am on board with all the other replies. If his mouth moves, he is lying. Go to these counselling sessions, but do it for you. Find out what he is really up to. Protect the finances. Start your own bank accounts and credit card under your name only. I had bank accounts and credit cards under my name only because something did not feel right. Trust your woman instinct. Hugs and check back with us. We are here to help you.

Cannot agree more with the others--you need to lawyer up!!

If he is spending on the ow and taking money from you and the kids, that's wrong! Get an attorney to establish temporary orders.

I think DairyTech makes a good point--many cheaters will want to go to counseling, maybe come back, etc. Remember the affair and the fact that you can't trust this man. He may be manipulating you to get more money or buying time to hide assets. My ex made all kinds of nice overtures too--let's do this amicably, why do we need attorneys, etc. This was a stalling tactic and that is what your ex is doing.

Sending healing hugs. Keep talking to us here. We will walk the journey with you.

My ex suggested counselling when I told him I was leaving. I didn't know it then but he already had a new woman, and when we got to counselling, he convinced the counsellor that I was the one with the problems and refused to admit to any of his own. I have no idea why he suggested counselling and it only took 2 sessions for me to decide it was a waste of time.

After all that your husband has done, I have to doubt his reasons for offering counselling, and cannot believe he says you could get back together. I smell a rat here. I agree with Misred and Kathy. If you tell your legal representative what he's offering and suggesting, he'll know if it is to avoid charges of abandonment and how you should respond, if at all.

When you wish it would all go away, and everything would return to normal, it's easy to believe him and say yes. Please consider very carefully and discuss this with your legal rep and maybe your counsellor as well before you answer him.

love and hugs
kamary

Wow after what he did to you and your children he should have to work ultra hard to get any chance of reconciliation with you and your family otherwise he will just think it is ok to do it again. Just going to counselling will not be enough - he has to prove that he is trustworthy and totally dedicated to you all before you should even consider letting him back into your lives.
Dairytech has given you very sound advice about making sure that you are legally protected in every possible way. Your husband sounds like a very selfish man, and so anything is possible as to his motives and actions. It sounds as though he really only thinks of what he wants and doesn't worry about the effect it has on others, especially not his family.
Good luck and take very good care of yourself. This has to be putting so much stress on you because you are having to be strong for your kids. Please do take very good care of yourself too because you have a long road ahead no matter which way it goes and you will need all the strength you can get.
Very big (((hugs)))

hi

Often times a lawyer will advise a cheating spouse to reconcile. It matters not if the spouse moves back in or if there are only promises and sex, if there is any reconciliation, the current affair can't be used against the cheater. Just be wary and get an attorney. Go to counseling if you wish but don't be taken in.

Thanks everyone!

Kamary, the exact same "counselling" scenario happened to me...surprised I didn't know that by now, we've both been on here a few days now lol.

HE was acting like an ass, mid-life crises I THOUGHT, then HE suggested counselling, and went in with his "business" personality, all confident and cool and I was a hot mess, barely holding it together, crying during the sessions...anyway, by the third session I had had it, he was actually LYING to the counselor (although I seriously think he believed his own drivel) and I said no more.

Next thing you know, ex goes to a session on his own and comes back and tells me that the counselor wants to see ME alone as well. I go to a single session, and surprise surprise, the counselor asks me if I have considered that the marriage MIGHT not work, and that we MIGHT end up apart?! !!! Ummmmm......

With the "confidentiality" thing, the counselor couldn't TELL me what had transpired at his session with the ex, but it was kind of obvious. So THIS is how I found out that the ex already had a foot (both?) out of our door (and into HER bed little did I know then). What a loser....the ex I mean, not the counsellor! Just thought I'd share that.

I am VERY pro counselling, but my marriage sessions were a bust. HOW many of us went to sessions under the guise of our stbx wanting to work things out, only to figure out later that it was just a ruse, a ploy on our spouses part to APPEAR to want to make an effort? Betting LOTS of us

Iammine, I don't think I've gone into detail about it before. I suspect my ex suggested counselling to hide his affair, too. He made the mistake of holding hands with her when they were walking in my home town shortly after I moved out. My friend saw it, too. In fact, it was my friend who realised it was my ex. The last thing I expected to see was my ex holding hands with someone, so I hadn't looked at the couple too closely! Someone else saw them out to dinner in a neighbouring town 5 weeks after I moved out, too.

I think it was for his public image, and also to trick the kids into thinking he got with her later on. My daughter told me last week that they had gotten together after the divorce and I'm afraid I couldn't help myself. I told her what my friend and I had seen and when. It's up to her now what she does with that info. I don't want to stir up trouble but I'd rather my kids knew the truth.

The secrets will out eventually. The truth will become apparent. It's just a matter of time.

I'm betting lots of us have been tricked into counselling, too. I think it's a common ploy by the narcs and cheaters out there.

Oh, I don't feel tricked. I know its just a manipulative ploy. But I have to pretend too, right? I can't just say NO, because then he will accuse me of not trying. He went out with my daughter the other night, and he told her, he is indeed in love with OW. So, I know, its a farce. Its a shame we have to spend our money on that!

Why not go to counseling? It may be indeed his manipulative ploy, but you've got one too! You can required him to prove how high he can jump through the hoops with the demands to the counselor.

Irreconcilable differences is the usual ground stated as the basis for granting a divorce or dissolution in no-fault divorce states. They do not care if he's a cheater. If your state is a no-fault, his cheating does not give you a financial advantage. The issue of concern is to divide the debts/assets to allow access to your freedom by either 50/50 or by equity.

The disadvantage of physically allowing your H sleeping together in your house, having sex , and sharing the bedroom, resets the official separation date for which the financial sharing of marital funds ends.

OK, so yesterday we went to our couples counseling meeting. I admitted I did not know what the goal of the counseling was, I came because my STBX asked me to I mentioned that I was confused because my husband had mentioned reconciliation in an email to me. Well, I found out what his version of reconciliation is: To have his family, including me, and his OW!!!!!! Really????
I don't think I will be going back. I will be talking to my lawyer tomorrow

What a jerk! It isn't an offer I would accept either

Now you have it in black and white. On with the divorce. I have no idea what makes them think they can have it all, but suspect it has something to do with a lack of empathy. Your choice whether you can be friends with him. I tried but he keeps on doing and saying things that are hurtful. It's like he wants to make me miserable. Maybe it's because he's miserable and can't stand to see me happy?

love and hugs
kamary

You're