Great post. I have come a long ways but have further to go. I too was broken almost 3 years ago and didn't give up on my ex but did continue to work on myself. I finally got my head on straight over 3 months ago and slowly finding peace. I look forward to completely healing and hoping my future finds love but if not I know I will have peace and happiness. Cheers.

Five years later, and it has gotten way better. Now I have bought my second condo. A two bedroom corner unit. Full of natural light. My three cats are amazing companions. I am retired now for over 4 years. Now it is time for me. I cannot believe how relaxed I am. Reading all those answers from people that started out about the same time as I did wow. Brought back memories of the struggle and the anxiety. But we did it. Now, he is renting, after his mother kicks him out. He was treating her the same way as he treated me. He wasted most of his settlement and cannot buy a place now. He said that he wanted me to lose everything and to be homeless. Karma

Yay Mary! I'm also on the "other side" and have not missed my ex even once. The second the divorce was finalized, I took off into the courtroom bathroom and did some fist pumping and jumping around. 10 days later when he finally moved out, I did wild dancing in my backyard (quietly though, the kids were home).

No one should underestimate the value of peace in their lives. I felt the warm waves of it wash over me as those two milestones happened (May of last year), and every day since. Every day I relish the peace of not having to walk on those eggshells, not having to carefully choose what I say to him or request of him so as as not to "overload" him, not having to worry about him ruining our financial future, not dealing with the constant lies from him, not dealing with his willful "forgetfulness" which caused constant chaos in my life, all of it. It's all done. Although I'll be bringing him back to court in June, it's with a wizened mind. I know his poor-me tricks, and I'm not falling for them anymore. I did as my lawyer said and kept my "side of the street clean". I have nothing to worry about in court, he has multiple counts of contempt. I'd be a-lying if I said I wasn't just a little happy about the possibility of him getting slapped around by the judge.

I think the big difference between my response to divorce and those who are so heartbroken by their divorce is that I really wanted it. After so many years, I finally realized I couldn't fight against a force that was indifferent to my very existence. He just didn't/couldn't/wouldn't care/respect/love/appreciate me. It was his life that mattered. Period. I didn't want to divorce, but I couldn't sacrifice myself any longer to the vacuum of his existence. I've been listening recently to the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World. That song pretty much sums up my marriage - I had to give up on us. It's sad, but it had to be done.

Karma is exactly what my ex is experiencing. Maybe he's really a younger version of your ex, Mary. He moved back with mom, and I've seen the disrespect he shows her, the same as he showed me. Probably Karma back to her, after all she raised him. My ex also wanted me to be on the streets. Never.going.to.happen.

Here's to looking forward to the next 5 years of peace!!!

Jojored hugs my friend. Exactly. Now you mentioned it, I am giggling about it. They raised them to be the way they are now. But you think they would grow up. They got their babies back and now they have to deal with the consequences. We are clear and free of them. One other thing, His mother kicked him out almost year and half ago. She could not stand the way he was treating her.

Wow! So much has happened for me since then. My life is full of peace too. I'm so blessed!

I miss being part of a couple but my life is also really good! I am 10x improved over when I started this journey. This weekend he and I went to our daughter's college graduation out of town and there was so little tension because I realized that I JUST DO NOT CARE! What a liberating feeling!!! Other years we've gotten along ok but there's been an undercurrent of tension or sadness on my part.
I was happy to get home to my house, my yard, my cooking, my friends, my bike ride, etc.... I didn't believe any of you when you said it would get better. :)

cmonge. hugs my friend but it did. Right now I am like I am in seventh heaven. I am truly at peace with life. It is better than I would have imagined. I have not seen him in a while but when I do, I have this smile from ear to ear. Beaming. Then I turn around and walk away.

It will be 11 years this December since my "procedure" as he called our divorce. During the 19 months it took to get free of the ex I learned about a lot of things he hid from me.

He married me for a season and a reason that wasn't love. He hid his cheating so well. I was mostly isolated because we never had company, never went anywhere together.

Thanks to him giving me passwords to do our health insurance I found so much that hurt but I needed to know. I took care of all those things he didn't want to do. Gave him a sense of being normal when he was so far from being normal.

As I got older he lost interest in anything to do with me. I no longer had that preteen girlish figure. I still only weighed 99 lbs but he wasn't that interested.
I will never come out and say it but you guys are good at reading between the lines I write. It's terrible to realize your h never really loved you. That there were so many other girls and women in his life.

I was blessed to find those things about the ex.

I'm so happy now with "him again" out of my life. I managed to keep this farm I had pulled out of pine trees and oaks. I am mortgage free and my truck is paid for. I made it thru the divorce and the three contempt hearings after that.

The ex forgot who I was when he married me. He forgot what I could do . He took me for granted and in the end that came back and bit him in the butt. . It was so hard to get thru the divorce and then the contempt hearings. I still loved the ex but I did what I knew had to be done.
I'm happy now on this farm with my dogs, cats and horses. I'm doing okay

Trisha, hugs my friend. Yes, you did it. Not only survived but flourished. You are a warm and caring woman. It is their loss and our gain. My ex married me for a reason and a season too. It was really a marriage that never was. I was their "live in maid" Peace and tranquility priceless

So much has happened....so much growth, self discovery. I too felt like I was chosen to be a front to the world that he had everything. A great job, wife, two kids, home, lots of fun hobbies. Meanwhile he was doing his dirty business behind closed doors. I'm so thankful I do not have to worry about what he is doing behind my back.

Divorce is the gift that keeps on giving. I have remarried, but still find myself wondering if I'm not doing enough in the relationship. Are there any signs I'm missing. I keep telling myself, this one is different, nothing like the EX, but I cannot ignore the statistics when it comes to second marriages. So I now declare to God, it's in His hands. It's all I can do.