All of us will eventually get to the point when we will have to put our trust in another. This is proving to be pretty difficult for me. I know that I am much to good of a woman to spend the rest of my life alone. I just have to much to offer the right man again. I'm loving, caring, honest, faithful and devoted. I give my whole heart and then some to the person I love. I'm a good friend, a good listener, passionate about life, family and friends. Everybody keeps trying to set me up and I have been on a few dates but I pull back. Very nice guys successful, handsome, caring, make me laugh just what I could ask for. So what's the problem right????
I really don't know myself they call me for a 2nd date and I freeze. I don't know why but a part of me feels like i'm cheating on my H. He has been gone for a year and 3 months now but he hasn't signed the Divorce papers????
He says he won't sign them until I sign off on spousal maintanence. I'm so ready to start a new life with someone great, someone who appreciates me, someone who cherishes me as much as I do them. But there is a big trust issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
with me will this ever go away? Is it to soon? I'm so guarded and I know there is a wall up around me now
because of fear. I am just started to stand on solid ground again after D-DAY and I don't want someone else to knock it out from under me again.

When we trust and love and put so much of ourselves into husbands and marriage and family is it possible to give all of ourselves again to someone else??? My fear is that this will be one more thing he takes from me. MY ABILITY TO LOVE AGAIN WITH ALL THAT I AM. I pray that this is not the case but I went to the movies today with someone and we laughed, enjoyed the movie, went for a coffee after and talked. He wants to go out again on Friday night a comedy show sounds like fun but i'm already sweating and my heart is pounding thinking of it. I gave him a hug goodbye and I just came in and started to cry. Because I like him I want to see him again but I don't know if I can do this. I would never want to lead someone on who feels i'm what they want but I'M NOT SURE if I am ready. Does this make any sense to anyone??? Has anyone felt like this?? So ready for your new life to start but still dealing with cleaning up your past??? LIMBO IT SUCKS!!!!!
Thanks for Listening,
Disney.......