I don't miss the constant lies and victim mentality. I don't miss being criticized for small things and it is no longer my job to make up for all the world and his family has done too him.

I do not miss my ex's snotty pathologic demeaning remarks and then having to watch him over compensate bending over backwards for strangers much less. At the end of our marriage, I was just getting the notion that any time he sneered at me, I must have just done something good !!

Hello,
I had to laugh many times reading all the post.
My favorite was nohappy's . she just said it like it was . LOL.
I don't miss.---- my x never standing up for me Always the other person or situation was right , NEVER ME .
Always putting words in my mouth that I never said .
In an argument she would always say I said this or that. When I went to prove her different or wrong .. She just wouldn’t let me , wouldn’t give me a chance to talk..
I don’t miss that .
The final thing that I don’t ,miss is her coldness toward me . .never hugs or holding hands……. Always in her own world with her own friends . Never warm … never wanting to have sex … She just didn’t have any love for me all these years. And I lived like that ..
Ok………. That’s it for me ……….
TM
PS
I have a wife now that is the total opposite I now have love , hugs and all that I never had.

Oh Timeman. You are truly blessed! Maybe I can start searching. That sounds rather nice!

I don't miss him bringing me a glass of water FULL of ice cubes when it was HIM who liked ice. It became a joke between us (I'd say.."Ice? Really?" but he genuinely "forgot" and just prepared two glasses the same, one for him and one for....him?) It like your ex not knowing how you take your tea or coffee...WTH?

A small thing, but says a lot!

drtexd,

I lost so, so much with the divorce and loosing friends and family in the last seven years
and then one night at a Singles dance I saw her dancing with two other girls way on the other side of the dance floor. I walked up and said : Do you mind if I dance with you. .. I rest is history... never danced with anyone else since that night 3 or so years ago. We got married two years after that.
So........ yes, I lost a lot , but then God came along and let the two of us meet .... To share our lives together .
She was married for 30 years and 8 years ago or more, her husband cheated on her and ran off with his co-worker. He was doing this for two years before she found out .. She also cried for a long time .
Now,,,,,,,,, Why married so fast ……. Well we’re both older. Can’t afford to wait 5 or 6 years… They would have to push us down the isle ..Ha-Ha .
One of my problems is getting rid of the past.. It still pops up here and there. I don’t miss my x as much as I miss my past life .
Drexd, It’s not easy meeting the right person out there in that single world . I met some pretty crazy woman… Luckily that I never went to bed with any of them . It’s easy to do and I had many opportunities . I guess that I wasn’t looking for that ….. My life and head was so mixed up back then ,,,, I didn’t want anyone ….
Ok…….. So if you do go out looking ….. Be very careful . There are so many bad men out there. I met them …. I know some.
Well, that’s it ………………..
Have a good day ………..

Timeman,

Thanks for the HOPE! Sounds like you are living my dream. I know "She" is out there when the time is right.
Just wish that time is sooner than later, I dont want to waste another day.

I dont miss the verbal "cuts" and "Put-down" just to keep me at arms length. And the Coldness.

When I came to to DS, I was divorced, just barely in the spring of 2008. The board was new, and I had this list. I have always advocated the " Do not Miss List" I pulled it out when I became a bit sentimental or had a clouded view of what was going on. There were good times with my ex and I acknowledge that, but after 28 years and years of counseling, the real side was this. I kept my list in a desk drawer.. mine has 20 items.

If you make a list, to the newbies here in particular, try writing out for each item " I do not miss, or I don't miss prefaced for each item. That helps reinforce the thought. I never done my whole list here, but here a few, and these are in raw, from 2007/2008. There is some repetition. I have long moved on, and thrive.

I don't miss walking on eggshells.
I don't miss stuffing myself with food, because I was nervous or upset or unloved.
I don't miss feeling unloved
I don't miss the silent treatments
I don't miss the withholding behavior
I don't miss the tension
I don't miss being treated like a child
I don't miss judging his mood
I don't miss his road rage
I don't miss his depression
I don't miss his anger

Not everyone has the list, and over the years I have come to see that some people did not have arguments or bad behaviors between them. Some people have little to miss, but dig deep. But if you are divorcing, something was wrong! I have been in a committed relationship for the last 3 years, and truly, when he moved out and is now 100 miles away, I can not come up with what I don't miss about him not living here full time...other than not having to figure out what we are going to eat daily! If some of you want to be in a new relationship, give yourself time. I dated a few people, had fun and it was almost 2 years before I was in a serious relationship.

And on this holiday weekend, which can be hard for so many.. remember to be real about what was going on in your memory. It takes time to find your way and regroup. When you get down the road.. there is another list. What I love about being divorced!

abusing me physically and verbally. Making advances on my friends and broken promises

I don't miss the walking on egg shells, the silent treatment, the negatviity, the mind games, the lack of love and respect for me, his unhappiness, the f-word, watching him sit on the couch in front of the TV like a zombie, never being enough, being manipulated and controlled, and I could go on and on.. Being alone beats the heck out of that emotional nightmare - I'm grateful for a new lease on lfe :) Stay strong newbies!!!

LOL I thought of this thread yesterday. I was cleaning because a few friends were coming over. I finished my house in about 30 mins. It dawned on me how much easier it has actually been to take care of this house WIHTOUT him here. Silly as it may seem, I waited around so much for him to actually fix things or help me with chores that things never got done. Now that I am in charge, everything is in order. It's nice.

Then when I went into the bedroom (which I haven't been able to sleep in since he left...silly I know, but I'm working on it) I noticed that it smelled different. HIS odor was gone.....and dang it was fresh in there! LOL

So ya, I don't miss man smell.

I am pretty sure we have done the "I do not miss . . ." list. The common themes are usually insults, put downs and walking on egg shells. I've always wondered why (when most of us were cheated on) were we the ones being put down and insulted. Why? I think it is because they had the need to bring us down to their level. Just my 2 cents worth.

LOL PsiChi :)))

Di, it's how they make themselves feel powerful because inside, they know they're rotten.

I agree...I think they feel so badly about themselves, that they have to make us feel bad too.

Over the years, I have constantly thought "but that's you not me" when he has accused me of something. It is typically a quality in him that he transfers onto me. At first I bought into it because I figured it was something I needed to work on. But after it happened over and over, I began to see it for what it was.

Most recently, he accuses me of lying. I can stand here with my hand on the bible, before God himself, and swear that I NEVER lied. I may have made a mistake or two, but I never outright lied or manipulated.

He on the other hand has a long history of deliberately lying, manipulating and decieving me.

Another recent one is that I am selfish. Um HELLOOOOO....he is the one who broke up his family, took all the money and isn't concerned with what is happening to his daughter because he is so self absorbed.

The longer I am away from him, the more I am disgusted that I accepted these things for so long.

I am not on here very often anymore but I wanted to respond to this. My number one on my "do not miss list" is: I do not miss who I was becoming; A spy, an investigator, and a human lie detector. My ex still lives with me at the moment but I do not snoop on his phone, computer or schedule. Every once in a a while I have the urge but I stop myself. He will be moving out when our daughter goes to college and although I like him, I think I will be happy when he moves out.