I am so sorry for all your pain and hurt
Hopefully he will get his.

Personally i would not even bother to
respond. No Matter what you say you
will not have been Supportive enough.
HUGS

Hugs, I can feel your anger and frustration. All you can do is smile, turn around and walk away from that. There is nothing you can do. What did he want your blessing? I wonder if she realizes that if they can do it with you, they can do it to you. Answer him, if you must, just keep it short and sweet. "that is nice" my polite way of saying FU. And why is he not blocked.

Agree wholeheartedly with atpeacemary. Keep any response short and very vague. Give away no emotions. Do not give him the satisfaction of seeing your hurt. I have not always heeded this advice but I do now. I'd be furious at him for breaking promise to kids about not marrying again, nit mine has said the same thing and I almost guarantee he will remarry too. He's too weak to be alone. But mine is still a cheater (I've heard) and I bet yours is too. We are better off despite how sad we sometimes feel

I would not dignify the text with a response, plain and simple.

I was hoping you'd respond CowgirlKathi! Not sure where your travels are. How are things you need to update us again. Back to my post...

Regardless of his real intentions, when I don't reply (even with an acknowledgement) he says this is why we are divorced. She was passive aggressive and never communicated in the first place. He told the kids "seeing past differences is tough. Seeing past differences who don't want to see them (Mom) are brutal. When do we decide to battle through and make amends?" Like what does that mean? He makes me out to be the bitter X who won't communicate as parents to our children to each other. He comes at me with all this garbage talk and just like through the divorce I never know what to say back. I'm not a retaliator and he always makes me feel like I'm in the wrong. I know its gaslighting. But we are way beyond divorce. Its been 6 years and he still makes it out that he was in the "right" to leave. I know the rewriting history. But at this point he still and probably will never understand or see what I had to go through because of his actions. He has justified everything.

So that leaves me here in this situation where how do i communicate with him? I don't have to and maybe I should just tell him that so he doesn't think I'm a bitter X bitch.
I don't know. What do you all think?

I for one am very thankful of no children
And not having to deal with my ex again.
I would Get the same old stuff the Blame,
shame game and much more.

I sometimes Have to laugh at His immaturity
and self righteousness its so crazymaking.

I would not respond that is just me, i am a
Bitter old biddy and proud of it. HUGS

If he's asking about how you took it then obviously he's hoping for some reaction, probably hoping your balled up in bed bawling your eyes out (lol, dumb exes)...
I might reply if my ex sent me this though even though we've been NC for over a year. Something very simple though like "congrats, good luck" and that's it. It kind of shows you couldn't give a shit and you don't come across as possibly heartbroken again. I don't know, that's me. Maybe I wouldn't say anything either...hmmmm I'll have to think about it haha...really I wouldn't care myself, if she can find someone else to support her I should wish him luck lol!

I wouldn't reply at all. Put him in your rear view mirror and focus in your new life without him in it. My ex married the OW only 2 years after he left me. Not a word did he hear from me. 10 years later, we still don't speak and have our own lives and I like it that way. Will I ever forget what he did to me and our family...which has caused so many problems between me and my adult daughters? No. The division of our family continues to cause me pain. My DD25 is home from Hawaii and refuses to split her time and refuses to stay at my house (still very immature), so I have refused to see her. Divorce...the gift that keeps on giving. Ugh

This is my take on this...its taken me 6 years to figure this out...it sucks but there is nothing anyone can do about it

These runaways left the marriage long before they physically left. They moved on a long time ago. We were taken by surprise and our worlds were turned upside down and inside out. They did not experience this...they struggled with their decisions in private...meanwhile...playing the part of a devoted mate. It would not make a difference how wonderful you were...if you stopped baking cookies on Tuesday night...he would use that as an excuse to leave the marriage. It is a no win situation for you because they have to justify their actions. So please do not take what he says about you as real...its just him doing what he needs to do to feel good about his choices.

They will never understand our side of this story because they have not experienced it...and...we will never understand their story because we have not experienced it. The only ones that truly get both sides are those who left a marriage and then later on was left. Both sides of the coin has been experienced. Which neither one is pleasant.

My ex did the same thing as yours is. He truly could not understand why I could not just accept what happened..move on with forgiveness and be friends.

I dont believe your ex is trying to do you harm...I think he is extending the olive branch to bridge the hurts and become friendly. Its crazy thinking but that is what they think. Its totally up to you on how you respond...but remember...regardless of what you choose...he will twist it to fit his needs...so again...you will not win in his eyes. However...what you choose will make a difference in your childrens eyes.

I do believe forgiveness is the key to total healing. I have forgiven my ex and we are on friendly terms and actually help each other out. We even share holidays now. For me...this was the only way I could live with myself...having to carry all that anger in my heart just weighted to heavy...but I was not able to forgive until I went through the different stages of healing...forgiveness comes much later in the healing process.

I am sorry you are going through this and yes..he's got his head stuck up his ass...however...try to see this as an opportunity for continuing healing...try to see it as a gift for your own personal growth...that this is an area within yourself that you can strengthen and an opportunity for you to see where you want to be a year from now...Big Hugs...Kathy

DT - I get the olive branch. You're right, but it comes with his version of the acceptance which is still a bit hard to swallow. Of course, his version he has done nothing wrong but live his life to be happy and in his mind "we" weren't that couple and now he's found that person who makes him happy and complete. A shit sandwich nonetheless.

So yah, the kids will be happier if we communicate, but they also understand why I don't. It really isn't necessary, but i'm sure the kids still want to see that their parents get along. We weren't an arguing couple. They see how happy he is now with her and I think they are brainwashed into thinking we were never happy like that. Makes me sad to think they really don't know the whole story. That life happens and had their dad and his new girlfriend had to deal with all same things it may appear differently. But she has no kids and baggage to add to the mix. Their life is happily perfect!

I guess he asked if I got the message since I didn't respond. Really? Still fishing for my approval I guess. I thought of responding with "whatever" but thats too sarcastic. Maybe just an "ok" to show that I got it. Do you think I should after all this time and his comment to my daughter yesterday?

I wouldn't respond since it's been this long. He should not be fishing through your daughter about stuff.

Hello LisaMariB and everyone,
A lot of good advice here...
Bottom line.......do what you feel is right. What's your heart.
Try not to think about whomever is going to think what about your saying. It matters to you......what you say back . If anything. Maybe: ( I had a very difficult time with the divorce , but I wish you luck and good health) just a thought,
Good luck..... Bob

I think you need to do what is best for you...what you can live with and be happy with. No reply is still saying something. Being friendly does not mean you are friends...Big Hugs...Kathy

I am very glad for no children, i understand the be friendly
When you are ready in the future because of the children
And grandchildren. It makes life simpler for everyone
Especially after both sides are remarried or in committed
Relationships.

The big BUT is you need to be ready, i would no more give
My ex the thumbs up to marry his GF that he cheated on and
Left me for. That would take me years to get to that point of
Totally not caring one way or another. It gets me Mad when
people push me to be ready when i am not. HUGS

Well i guess I'm not ready for that. He once again was fishing for a response from our daughter tonight. Overheard some of the conversation. I guess he's also fishing for approval from our Daughter too. She's very vague and I think he thinks she's cool with it all. She lead on that she's been praying for answers. Afterwards she told me she is not. She wants to tell her dad what she really feels but is apprehensive. When she's ready she'll open up to him. I think he also asked our son to do a reading at the wedding. I told my daughter that's up to them if he asks and that I know they want to be a part of their dad's life, but also by participating in such a manner you are also condoning his actions. We are divorced so it's perfectly legit if he does marry. Its just the circumstances that he sparkles to them and how his leaving me and jumping into her just happened. I don't know how this will play out. I'm there for the kids but I will not be taking or caring for our daughter to go to his wedding 1500 miles away. I don't care if that makes me a bitter x bitch. That's my boundary. I'm not playing his game anymore.