Honestly, it took me until I had a fling with a new man. Then I was able to let go.

I am sending you one giant hug. Go to chumplady.com and start reading. It will help you understand the why, stay out of denial, get mad and move on. Cowgirl found this site it is great.

I am so sorry for your children's grief. How can these men hurt their children?! I cannot understand how emotionless they can be! I don't , by any means, refer to all men, it just seems like men who are abandoning their families don't give any thought to thir children's feelings.

I'm sorry :( It's all so very heartbreaking.

((HUGS)) I realized he was gone (although he intended to stay married to me) when he kept contacting a woman who he promised to cut ties with when we were in marriage counseling. It's a long story...but that's the answer to your question.

So painful for you all. I'm sorry you are going through this

This is my exact story, as well as so many others in chump world. Our husbands just want us to be happy for them! They are narcissistic. I have learned so much over the past 10 months. You are in for a big roller coaster ride. Read all you can on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It will help you understand that there was nothing you did wrong, and nothing you can do to change him. It is painful. It has been 10 months for me, and I have yet to reach "meh". I don't miss him, but I'm devastated by all the deceit and disrespect for me. He is a monster. I can't stand to talk to him, so see his face- no contact is the only way to go. I feel the worst is yet to come, as this divorce is taking forever, and costing a fortune. I am anxious not knowing what the future holds. But, I look forward to it being over and starting a great (but financially tougher) new life. It is this site, and Chump Lady who have helped me get through so far. Also, make sure you spend time with understanding friends. It may take a while to figure out who they are. Hugs to you and your kids.

"And that's when I knew [ yes, knowing is the operative word] he was gone for good". Somehow, when one finally makes their acknowledgment , it's disclosure is of some form of truth. The truth is, his condition is incompatible with family survival. If there is anything to fear, fear his capabilities [or lack of].

At the moment you may feel out of hope but on the contrary, you are on the road to recovery. Shortly, it will be time for you to put on your hard hat and thinking cap to relearn the art of becoming self sufficient. Life coaches can assist you in gaining your confidence of being your family's primary advocate and protector.

There seem to be so many difficult stages in divorce, none of which we are prepared to handle emotionally. It sounds like you just experienced one of the most difficult but necessary stages. It's all just part of this difficult process. Hugs to you and your children. Onward and upward.

I knew as soon as I filed. It was the last time he talked to me. As if he talked to me before. Ordering and demanding things from me was more like it. You will need all your strength and resolve to move forward. Your children are hurt and bewildered. They will need you to hold them tight and love them. Get a therapist for them. They will feel like it is their fault. But it is not. You will survive and flourish with a vengeance. Hugs.

She strung me along 4 months, then she pulled the plug just a school was starting
(Some plan)

I think a lot of us have been at your last sentence ... "No hope",
I certainly was and I do still wobble,
The hope I never gave up on is hoping the best for my kids
Hoping the best for them spreads hope around a bit.
And gave/gives me some to hang onto myself

----God has a plan, either our or someone eludes choices muck it up, God sends us a new call"

Her betrayal & choice to divorce is too recent for me to have and tell you of my success from despair,
My kids are still hurting and trying to sort out the new normal, they are resilient and are more okay than not

I pray that the best thing, the right thing, works out for them, I pray the same for myself ,
On bad days I hold on to hoping for them
On really bad days I hope for hope

Hang in there, you are a good parent and regardless of you kids ages, they'll need you on their lives even if it is on their terms at times
You are a good person, the people you touch thrive a bit from the intreraction

Remember, in the dark, at the stormiest, you can hope for hope, always knowing that your kids hope the best for you

And here at DS many people have worn similar shoes as you,
They have experience and know that there is reason for you to hope for yourself.
And they hope the best for you

I hope for you

(Thanks for your post --- I know it is sad but you gave me the chance to see just how powerful two and four words can be:
I hope
I hope for you)

That is really heartbreaking. I am so sorry for you and your kids, As I read your story I am amazed at these men its as tho an alien abducted them. Heartless its so sad to me

I actually knew, subconsciously, when I told everyone he cheated. Even though, when it first happened, I wanted my family whole. If I really truly wanted him back I would have kept his dirty little secret. Instead I told everyone who asked.

Giselle, I find it very sad the the "secret" that the family must bear, even when it gets out, is not a family secret but a secret of betrayal from within and outside the family.

I kept her secret, she benighted from my carrying it, my carrying her secret did not protect my kids, it only protected her and her mr wonderful, neither of them had an interest is the 3 of us trying to figure what was best for the kids in the long run.

If there are children, the management of the secret is really about how the truth comes put and us dealt with or it is about denying reality - - - which is just stupid and does not help the kids in the short or long term

What a cruel bastard!! To drop this on your children and leave you to pick up the shattered pieces.

I'm so sorry.

sending healing hugs.

It took me 9 long months from the time he ran off for me to FINALLY beat the denial and file for divorce. I owe that revelation in large part to my sister and my therapist. It was at that juncture when I realized that to be pining away for someone who never treated me very well was simply INSANE! I filed for divorce and had him served on what would have been our 24th wedding anniversary -- and I never looked back!

Divorce is tough -- and even more so when you have younger kids -- but there is LIFE at the end of the tunnel. Keep your faith in YOURSELF and in your HIGHER POWER. It takes time, distance and no contact to move out of the worst of it, but you can and will get there!

Sending you big squeezy hugs! xoxo