CGK and all the rest of you Fabulous Women, Thank you for your wise words of encouragement. I appreciate your advice, and I know that every word is true about the feelings of competition with the x and my own emotional baggage from the marriage and divorce. Like all of you, my standards now have been set to the heights of the heavens, and I won't allow myself to settle for another bad relationship or marriage. I know I need more time to absorb and process all that has happened to me and my family before getting into a serious relationship. There is more work to be done, that is for sure. I'm just missing the physical connection, and once again, I need to go book that massage! Hope you are all having a great time at your "DS Divas at Deep Creek Lake" Reunion!
Hugs,
Tracy

CGKathi-I'm inviting myself to the next reunion :)

Regarding finding male companionship, and eventually 'the one' : for those of us who were badly hurt or betrayed by a spouse we loved, I echo what CGK and the other 'party girls' at camp Maryland believe: RAISE the bar ladies!

Good men are out there! I have two brothers in law who are the most FABULOUS men! Great husbands to my sisters and fathers to their kids. There are just as many good men as women out there. And at 'middle age" (hey, that's most of us on here right?) I think that a lot of men have come 'into" some emotional maturity that they may not have been open to when younger. They are able to 'shed' some of the male baggage that says they must be 'this' or 'that' to be manly!

I look forward to meeting some great men in my future! I want love and companionship again, and just like my healing journey, I will make it happen by taking the healthy, thoughtful steps that are required. Sure, I like and love ME but I have a huge heart with a lot of love and I'd like to share that with a special someone again.

Here's to finding love and companionship again for those of us looking for this!

DS Divas! Enjoy and am glad you remembered us while you were out having a fab time. It would be so cool if more of us could meet.
As always good advice.

Glad you Gal's are having fun. I'm jealous it's cool enough to have a campfire. Last night at 9:30 it was still 97 degrees here.

This post makes me think of that Beatles song with the lyrics about lonely people:

All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

Got me to thinking if there are lonely people they should get together with other lonely people. I agree with the others, spend some time finding out what YOU like and what YOU want to do. Do this by doing things with girl friends. If a great guy shows up while you are having fun then that's great, if not....well so what?

As far as yearning for someone special, I think that is normal. God put that desire in our hearts so that we would find a partner and ....you know the rest. I see it as a good thing to have that desire because it says, "I'm not so broken that I have shut everyone out." (((HUGS)))

Misred, et al:
There is a HUGE difference between being alone and being lonely. I think you have to learn to be alone and realize that being your own best friend is the first step toward finding companionship in another person. I have always valued my alone time and that is one of the hallmarks in my relationship with Tom -- we BOTH recognize our individual need for alone time -- and it works for us.

That thing about being lonely also speaks to me, because after the fact, I was able to see just how very lonely I was in my marriage. When I weigh those feelings against how I feel today, I would have preferred to be ALONE than to exist in a marriage where I was not valued as a human being. After I put him out of this house I realized that I could have gotten one of those inflatable dolls that people carry in their cars, plunked him down in the recliner and it would have been the SAME as when he still lived here. No kidding!

Yes, the weather at the Lake was awesome -- such a difference just 150 miles west at a higher altitude. It was mid-70's to low-80's every day with low humidity; nights were between 50 and 60 degrees. PERFECT WEATHER!

I became involved with someone shortly after my 2nd divorce. We were together for almost 2 years. I have absolutely no regrets. He was a wonderful man and he treated me like a queen...something I've never experienced before. However...in hindsight...it did interfere with us from doing some of the personal work that can only be done solo. I find is some ways I am at the beginning stages. I am learning to be alone instead of lonely. I am learning to be my own best friend. The good part is...I'm learning this without the sting of crushing heart break.

I think that getting involved in a relationship is a very personal and individual decision. The hard part is recognizing its purpose. For my friend and I...we realized we were unconsciously trying to re-create the relationship we lost. Thats crazy... but true. We realized we were together to help each other heal our fractured hearts. We also learned our relationship was not meant for the long haul. We parted with love and are very good friends. I cant say thats a bad thing. Big Hugs...Kathy

Hello,
I think you should go very slowly..
It takes time to really understnad your feelings .
I moved to fast ,although it's working out for me now.
In the beginning ,I joined these Meet UP groups and went around ...OH, Dances, Concerts, Clubs etc., with a group of people men and woman.... It was fun and got my mind off my troubles ......
(Meetup.com)
Good luck to you..........................
Timeman

I'm also in full agreement with everyone here, Its hard moving on especially when you don't feel valued or wanted. I know I'm valued and wanted by my kids and relatives,but there's that inner loneliness that just won't leave me. When your heart's been broken, your world as you've always known it to be....shattered and your trust in that one person you entrusted your life to, destroyed, then............... you find yourself in a crowded world feeling all alone. Its just so hard to deal with. I know what it feels like to suffer the pain and lose of a loved one. I've been there multiple times. 4 miscarriages, a brother, my mother and recently, (during) the collapse of my marriage and court proceedings, lost my father. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not. I'm just saying.........With all the trauma I've had to endure throughout my life and learn to accept and deal with and move on with.....I have to say, DIVORCE (with kids) is the absolute worse thing I've ever had to endure. When someone you love dies..........they're gone, done with, dead. But a divorce................I call it......."MOURNING THE LIVING DEAD!!! They don't leave. They destroyed your trust and marriage and still, they keep showing back. They are a constant reminder " IN YOUR FACE" !!! YES, I am so very angry with him still and probably will be for some time to come, but there is and will be a time in the future, I'm sure (think positive) when I will be able to not think about him at all. Time truly is a great healer. Trust me! For now though, I'm listening to everything everyone here has to say. It helps in bits and pieces and well............its like slowly stitching a fine quilt together and here I don't have to worry about dropping a stitch, because someone will here, will be here to pick it up! Thanks guys for listening and I wish everyone the best with what they must endure. Hugs and prayers to all.

You know, I was reading something recently which stated that when you dwell on the sadness and the hurt, your brain gets used to those types of neurons and you start feeling withdrawal if you don’t get them, therefore, if you continue to feed your need with negative and sad thoughts, you may NEVER get out of it. The only way to fix it and to heal is to replace these negative feelings with positive one’s whenever you feel yourself dwelling on the sad past and getting upset – you have to force yourself to stop and you force yourself to think of something good and positive. The more you force yourself to think the positive, you change the addiction of the neurons… You can retrain your brain, but you have to want to do it. I’m 18 months into this journey and hell yeah, I fall backwards – but I know for certain that I do not want to be stuck in this place 5 years from now.

I’m forcing myself to STOP….. and think of something completely positive… Listen to positive, self love, things… when I find myself falling back, I STOP….and try my best to do it all over again. I do have to tell you that it’s helping. It’s not 100% by any means, but it’s helping.

I may be in the minority but my husband leaving me did not make me think I was inferior. I like myself and who I am. I think he is missing out on what we could have had and it is a defect in him. I have started a new relationship and some on here think it was way too soon. But I do not validate myself with the person I am with. It just like the companionship and communication. I am not looking to get remarried or be taken care of. I just like the sharing of experiences. And believe it or not, I hadn't dated much either. I only had 2 other boyfriends other than my husband.
I think I have shocked him too how soon I have moved on. But again, I was not replacing him. It just so happened I met someone I think is very kind, smart and fun to be around. I had high criteria too on who I would have in my life. I talked to him for over 2 months before I went out with him. I am neither beautiful or rich but I do love myself.
So I think if you want someone in your life you let them. If bells and if a red flag goes off listen to that. When you truly appreciate who you are and what you have to offer as a person, people will come into your life. If you are neuritic and insecure than that is who you will attract. You will know when you are ready. And remember, just because you start a relationship with someone doesn't mean you have to marry them or be tied to them for the rest of your life. Take one day at a time and enjoy your life day to day. That is my feelings. It is nice not having the pressure thinking your clock is ticking. You already have your kids. This is a great time in my life and I am enjoying it.

Sorry for the typo's. Neurotic...that is what I meant.

Atta girl Giselle!!!

You need to read "Date or Soul Mate" before venturing into the dating world. I wish I had--I would have avoided some losers. The book helps you know yourself and what you want before you even begin.

I think your feelings are normal; however, I would caution you about jumping in too quickly. I realize now I dated too quickly after my divorce was final--I wasn't ready and was still grieving so that made me vulnerable and I attracted a few duds. I took a two year dating break and really healed and worked on me and that made a big difference.

Good luck!