Diabetes Type 1 Support Group
Childhood","Childhood diabetes is when the pancreas in a child does not produce enough insulin on its own. In order to survive, insulin injections need to be incorporated as well as diet regulation. If your child is diagnosed with diabetes, find support and share your experiences here. Caring for a child with diabetes is challenging. We're here for you."
(Originally posted in eating disorder group but also looking for diabetic perspective)
I live with my 23 year old type 1 diabetic boyfriend whose seriously bad and highly limited junk food diet has been causing him medical problems. I have repeatedly told him how concerned I am and he has agreed to try some new things every now and then though he only seems to make a token effort once in a blue moon. Neither of us works so I have to watch him endanger his health every single day and it is driving me to the edge. At meal times we often argue as he tucks in to big plates of chips and ketchup and I cant win. I say somethings really bad for him he says so, I like it, I offer alternatives, he wont take them and he gets angry at me for bringing it up and trying to change him. He gets on edge and shouts at me and wines and then he refuses to finish his meal until I give in which he knows I have to because not finishing would fuck up his insulin, then he cries (read I instantly gain bad guy status) and says its because he has upset me so I have to say Im fine. He also cries after arguments and makes me promise that we are not breaking up which makes me try to avoid arguments and Im scared to bring up the issue now even though I know its necessary.
The problem is Im really not fine, Im supposed to be recovering but all this shit with his eating is driving me to relapse and I feel like Im spiralling and I cant see any way to make him see that and given how emotional he is I dont know if I want to. He seriously needs to improve his diet and as he wont listen to or see a dietician, storms off if his parents bring up the issue and I really dont want him to end up in hospital again that responsibility falls to me. I love him and I dont want to hurt him but I dont want to end up right back where I was either.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get through to him or how to handle this situation because Im straight up drawing blanks?
I live with my 23 year old type 1 diabetic boyfriend whose seriously bad and highly limited junk food diet has been causing him medical problems. I have repeatedly told him how concerned I am and he has agreed to try some new things every now and then though he only seems to make a token effort once in a blue moon. Neither of us works so I have to watch him endanger his health every single day and it is driving me to the edge. At meal times we often argue as he tucks in to big plates of chips and ketchup and I cant win. I say somethings really bad for him he says so, I like it, I offer alternatives, he wont take them and he gets angry at me for bringing it up and trying to change him. He gets on edge and shouts at me and wines and then he refuses to finish his meal until I give in which he knows I have to because not finishing would fuck up his insulin, then he cries (read I instantly gain bad guy status) and says its because he has upset me so I have to say Im fine. He also cries after arguments and makes me promise that we are not breaking up which makes me try to avoid arguments and Im scared to bring up the issue now even though I know its necessary.
The problem is Im really not fine, Im supposed to be recovering but all this shit with his eating is driving me to relapse and I feel like Im spiralling and I cant see any way to make him see that and given how emotional he is I dont know if I want to. He seriously needs to improve his diet and as he wont listen to or see a dietician, storms off if his parents bring up the issue and I really dont want him to end up in hospital again that responsibility falls to me. I love him and I dont want to hurt him but I dont want to end up right back where I was either.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get through to him or how to handle this situation because Im straight up drawing blanks?
When we started going out, I did not check my BG as often as I should have. I smoked, I drank excessively, and I would stress eat to deal with depression.
She asked why I did these things, one at a time, never throwing all of my bad habits at me at the same time. She didn't try to make it a fight, and she didn't try to force me to do anything. She told me she wanted to be with me for a long time, and wanted to be able to count on me being alive to have a family with. She talked to other people (like you're doing, props!) and to me to try to understand what I was going through. At times it felt like she thought she knew more than I did. That always put me off and closed me up to listening to her.
It's easy to tell someone else "you shouldn't eat that" or "you need to work out" but the problem is that doing the right thing is forcing them to internally accept the fact that they have a chronic disease that they have to deal with every single day, and that's not something everyone's emotionally able to deal with, especially at 23 years old.
There wasn't a perfect way to help me, I was a real mess, emotionally and physically. But she was always supportive when I talked about something I should do.
The hard fact is that he, and only he, has to control his diabetes. That means he has to own up to his diet and habits. You say that the responsibility for keeping him out of the hospital falls on you. Honey, you simply cannot feel like this. You can only help someone who lets you.
You do need to realize that this is a very complicated situation, but you have to give a very honest, non-jaded evaluation of whether or not you can be in this relationship.
First of all, not everyone can be in a relationship with a T1D. Even when they have it "under control", eat healthy, and workout, it is still a burden every day that most people don't have to deal with. He could take better care of himself and still end up in the hospital. If you can love and support him as he fights this everyday, and don't take this commitment lightly, then figure out what you want from him. You have to very clearly communicate what you expect from him, and how you're willing to help him do what you need to see from him. Committing to a healthy lifestyle together will make the journey much easier. Be patient, and explain that you don't expect everything to change at once, but you have to see baby steps from him that show he cares about his health as much as you do.
The ultimate, one thing that made me straighten myself out was not something she did. My closest confidant for my diabetes was my roommate and very close friend, who also had T1D. He died from his diabetes 10 months ago, because he was careless and his sugar got too high. The night he died, I had my last drink for 9 months. After I touched him for the last time at his visitation, I had my last cigarette. I hope to G-d that he and you never experience this as I did, but that's how I eventually faced up to the reality of my situation.
If he will not take charge of his health, you will not be able to help. It is ultimately his health, and he's got to be enough of a grown up to learn how to manage his diabetes. I hope you find something useful in this reply, and I hope the best for you and your boyfriend (if you're still together).