Well I think you are just going to have to be stern with him. It may be wise to draw up a sort of 'contract'.

Outline what is expected of him while he is living with you (so there's no confusion) and let him know that you are willing to help him, but he needs to be respectful of you as well.

That is a very good idea to have some thing written so he knows what is expected.

first off i am sorry about how your home life ended, i can relate when i left my house but obviously for different reasons, i struggled on my own so i understand, have your boyfriend sit his cousin down with you there but let him talk, if you start it off he may feel its all you running the show, and just explain to him about all you guys have to pay out and all the stuff you spend money on, be as nice as possible, if that does not work let the anger fly, but i would actually let the anger fly and tell him shape up or ship out,

Ahh I've learned from having roommates! It's maddening at times :)

Good luck!

Hey jeccles,
See he is trying to save up to get out on his own, which I understand but its putting tons of stress on me money wise. How do you think I could come about asking for like money towards the light bill or food like how could i work that in?

hey weneedhelp101. Do you have any ideas on how we could word like splitting the bills or just having him give us 10 to make me feel like his is helping. Your right about having my boyfriend talk to him. Its like his cousin is fragile when we bring stuff up its like he things he is not welcome there.

Well have him buy his own food. And may be good to compare the bills from before he moved in and after.... figure out the average difference (and go over it with him) and just tell him you're going to add it to the total he pays for rent. It really isn't much for one person to pay over the course of a month, and if he's serious about wanting to save up money, he does have the option of getting a second job. It's not your place to provide for him.

If someone lives with you, even temporarily, then they become a part of the household. So they have a role to play. Unless they see it as a holiday. Is it a holiday for him?

I had a few room mate situations when I was about your age. Mostly they worked out because we agreed upon some ground rules:

We agreed what would be community expenses (like gas, water and power) and what would be personal expenses (like food above and beyond shared food).

We agreed what would be shared chores (like basic cleaning) and what would be personal chores (like doing your own laundry).

If it sounds like getting all legal and drawing up a contract, well, it basically is! But it works because everybody has a chance to discuss what they think is fair.

If he does not have money to spare, then you can 'trade' things. He may be asked to do the dishes more often because he can't afford to compensate you all for the additional water and power he uses.

You could even ask him for future considerations, such as "stay in school, and then pay us $50 per month each for a year after you graduate school. (High school? Trade school? Junior college?)

It is also important to discuss living arrangements; like when noise stops so people can sleep, how clean the place needs to be, how much time in the bathroom, etc.

Hugs, and I hope it works out OK.

ps, we were all guys, so our standards of clean were pretty lax, and that was not a big issue with us.

your right jeccles about not being my place to provide for him. See I keep looking at it is I have to help him get on his feet so I did not want to except much from him but he chose to leave his house and move in with us. I think I should start treating him more of an adult and not keep trying to take care of him because its the tough truth he is an adult and I should not have to carry the stress of him on me. Because honestly the stress of paying for him for everything is putting me over the freakin edge. I think I need a new approach to it.

The first thing you have to do is find out if everything is legal. At this time, you, your boyfriend and his cousin live in one household. If that household is rented or leased, it may be in violation of the agreement for all 3 of you to be living there. Most rental/lease agreements require every occupant to sign the agreement. If someone is living there who is not signed on the agreement, EVERYONE can be evicted by the landlord. So, the first thing you better do is make sure no one (including you) is in violation of the original agreement between the occupants and the landlord.

What it sounds like you have done is SUBLEASE to the cousin. Assuming that does not violate the original agreement, it also sounds like you had SUBLET without a WRITTEN agreement between the original renters (you and/or your boyfriend) and the cousin. If you have no written agreement with the cousin, there is no definition for how much rent the cousin will pay, when it is due, and for how long the sublease is good for.

This CAN turn into a legal nightmare. You may THINK you can tell the cousin to just leave if you must .. which CAN open you up to a CIVIL suit .. because by allowing him to move in, and the fact you have collected rent from him already, you have established a 'landlord/tenant' relationship. That relationship has laws in most states that BOTH PARTIES must abide by .. such as EVICTION LAWS .. whether there is a written agreement or not.

Due to the young age of all parties, .. it PROBABLY would not occur to the cousin to take you to court if you ask him to leave .. BUT HE COULD. I think it is great you wanted to 'be kind' to the cousin and allow him to move in .. it is just that you have not considered the legality and liability of doing such a thing.

Personally, I think it best you try to get him to move out .. as elegantly as possible .. yet as soon as possible.

Great that he wants to save up and get out on his own, but in the mean time it is costing you. I agree with the 3 of you sitting down and his cousin doing the talking. Be prepared, decide with your bf how you want things to work. Divide things three ways? What is a fair share? If everyone is buying their own food, make sure you have separate cupboard space and respect, I have lived with people who ate my food or let their friends eat it etc. It has to be fair for all of you, same with dividing up the work. EVERYONE should be taking a turn cleaning the bathroom etc. This should be a situation to help all of you out, no reason why it can't work. If he isn't willing to do his fair share then he has another option Leave.

I can understand your mixed feelings. Of course, you feel for the guy, but with economic times such as they are, he needs to step up and help. Maybe you could have a talk with him, explaining how much you care about him, and then, put it on paper, what the bills, food, etc., amount to, and show him why you need help. Maybe if he is approached in a kind way, and can see for himself, in black and white why you are so stressed, he will man up and do his part. If not, it may be time for him to find someplace else to go. Good luck.

steviepoos,
Your are also right that he needs to see this is life not just a break from it.

the pepperman,
You got me thinking that if he doesnt have the money to spare maybe he could take on extra cleaning or something else. I truly also feel that from hearing everyone we need to write out some rules or something and have everyone agree with them. I think the real issue is that we dont have anything like that at this moment.

cinnamon bear,
thank you for the adivce. I think seeing the bills for him will deff. show him we need help.

wandering vet,
everything is legal we actually just moved into a different place because our lease was up and on our new lease we put him on there that he is staying with us. But my boyfriend chris and I are the primary income and lease holders. His cousin is just on there so the landlord knows he is there and we cant get in trouble for it. You serioulsy made me think legally though. I am deff going to draw up a contract and do some research on it. Cuz something has to be done incause things go wrong with us and he decides to turn around and take us to court. Thank you so much for getting me to think that way!!!

Lianna
thank you for the support :)

I also agree that it would be best if he got out as soon as he can because I am sooo stressed and its not right