I've had a lot going on but I have been working through issues in therapy.  One of the issues that I have had is that one of the people in my friend group is ridiculously controlling.  She gets very angry if you even have plans around the time-i.e. day before, after or same day that you hang out with her.  It has resulted in more increasing arguments recently.  It has been complicated because I am good friends with her cousin and friends of the family.  I was putting up with it, at great stress and cost to me, to maintain these other relationships.  People have been distancing themselves and scattering because of it, so our network seems to be declining.  I've received a few frustrated and angry phone calls over her because of it.   I had been back and forth about it in coaching/therapy for some time and realized that I just couldn't do it anymore.  I don't know what the last straw was-I had already told her that she is not in control of my schedule and my life, and the temper tantrums were wearing thin.  I think it was when I invited everyone to dinner a few weeks ago, and got a very rude text from her grilling me about "how is it that I can have dinner on Friday evening when I could not hang out with her Saturday morning, etc."  So, I finally quit the hiking group we were in because every little thing from how long it took me to use the restroom, to the venue, gas money, was a massive argument. So I dropped it.

I suppose there is a chance I could lose all of ther other connections assosicated with it, but they were planning on quitting the group as well.  Everyone was tired of it.

Another thing that I had discussed in therapy was that this person's cousin, who is probably my closest friend, was telling me about her problems all of the time. For the most part, I am pretty sympathetic and a good listener, but I was getting really fatigued. I'm not sure what bothers me the most about it. I think it's the hopelessness that she projects.  Our hangouts, even if it's a fun show, movie, day trip, etc.  becomes a few hours of my counseling her through all of these things.  As a person with my own issues and depression, I only have so much energy for this. In fairness, she has listened to me and my various issues  on many occasions, so it's not like it's totally one sided, but I really wish that some of the hangouts were just fun...you know...like fun at the movies or fun playing a game...therapy is already heavy, I can't be processing all of the time.  I really think there is more to life.

I don't have that many other friends and the relationship with my familiy is strained.  I almost spent Christmas alone.  I want to hang on to the relationships I have.  On the other hand, I realize and said in therapy yesterday that it seems like to a point that some of these relationships are actually making my mental health worse.  As I try to take responsibility for my life and my situation, less and less do I see the point of ruminating about things. I think one of the things that bothers me so much about listening to her is that the situations are always the same...the same story for ten years...just on repeat.  I guess my fear is at some point it will cause me to revert to my negative habits too, of complaining and blaming other people.  My fear is that if I spend all my time with her(them) I will wind up on the same negative path, as actions follow thoughts.  I don't know.  Any insights would be helpful.  I haven't heard from my friend since I left the hiking group, so possibly, I don't know, it could be that this toxic person was part of the package when I started hanging out with them. I really can't be sure.