Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Mjay13 08/02/2020

Morning all,

So sorry to bother you all, exhaustion has a new meaning. I've forgotten what sleep is. The latest agenda is work, On call and more work.

I absolutely love my job and Have worked really hard to get to where I am.

I've been having some pretty complicated issues at work and dealing with my mental health relapse and everything else, well I ended up breaking down completely to my boss. She was so nice, I'm so ashamed. She's been really supportive but her concern over my mental state recently and because a couple of staff members are doing all they can to make me look bad (including hunting for minor mistakes and exacerbating them or running to her with outright lies), are understandably making her question my capabilities in terms of the pressures.

I'm their deputy manager and the individuals in question cannot stand the fact I'm younger but know what I'm doing and that I've achieved what I have in spite of struggles.

Bitching is bitching, if your going to do it, make sure I've moved out of the office before you start discussing who thinks what. I'm not the kind of person to pull rank and state my 'importance' I have lots more responsibilities but every single person in the workforce is just as important as each other, I give every single one of them my respect and quite frankly - expect it returned.
the whole situation is making my doubts, shame and guilt build. Am I capable? Should I just resign so my boss doesn't have to deal with their problems? I know It is adding further weight to my fall back down to rock bottom and triggering my self injury coping mechanisms, which in turn will make the situation worse still as I will seem even more unable to cope.

im sorry for the long post, I just needed to share how confused I am.

Secouya 08/02/2020

Mjay, I am sorry you are feeling down. You must be capable or you would not have been chosen for the position. People tend to want what others have above them, however they seldom are aware of what such a job requires. Be gentle with yourself. If you can, take a few days off for mental health recovery, maybe see your therapist if you have one, journal and relaxation techniques...deep breathing, meditation, calming music or anything you. find calming.

Sometimes it’s hard, I’ve been in your shoes. You just have to ignore what others are saying. If they have issues they should be able to bring you resolutions. You might also ask your boss to refer work issues back to you directly so that you have the opportunity to follow up with staff. This will also eliminate some of the gossip and bickering.

I hope you find serenity and peace,

Thor2008 08/02/2020

I would not quit. You like your job even if it is a lot to handle. You do it well and you have others answering to you. The petty infighting is really what you need to conquer not give up your job. Your boss sounds reasonable and supportive. You could approach her about the infighting to make sure everything is understood. Does your boss know that you have diagnosised mental illness? That may help you with your boss. You will need to continue to strive to work your best.

Bobby5000 08/02/2020

You sound like an excellent manager so you should not resign. Suggestions,

1. Your boss is not your friend She has a job to do, so do you. If you need to unload, do it with friend, family member or here. Some years ago, a partner asked me is everything all right, we noticed your work seemed to be slipping and wanted to see if anything was bothering you.

Then I took things literally thinking how nice they were concerned. Today I realize the message was really, we don't really give a f... about what's going on in your life but straighten it out so it doesn't affect your work.

2. As to the employees, look for the approach to help them perform to their abilities and where needed document what they are doing wrong.
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Mjay13 08/02/2020

Thank you all. My boss is aware of my mh issues and unfortunately has been able to get much more insight than I ever intended to share with her. We’re friendly and get on well but I know we both have our jobs respectively. I don’t want to give it up. There’s no struggle other than these few individuals and the fact that I’m in a pretty deep dark dip right now. I’m lonely and due to spending almost 70 hrs a week at work (by choice - I want to keep my mind occupied too ) I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to get back up this time xxx

Anna1212 08/02/2020

I think I understand what you are saying. I have people lying about my work performance at work also. It really sucks. If you like your job a lot maybe it's worth trying to hold onto it despite the infighting which seems to go along with most jobs anyway. Maybe it is a good idea to get more mental health support outside of work. I wonder also if there is an option to at least cut back your hours while you are resting and getting some outside support. That might also give you a clearer perspective on the situation instead of being completely immersed in it right now. I'm sorry that you have those few individuals giving you a hard time. I'm dealing with that too. I try to document what is going on when I get home so at least i have a good record of it and other than that, I try to ignore the mean people. But it's really hard. Your health is more important than your job but I hope you can find a way to hold onto both.

Mjay13 08/03/2020

Thank you all, I don’t feel I’m holding onto anything right now I’m just feeling lost and that I’m never going to be good enough

Prycejosh1987 10/13/2020

The best thing to do is keep yourself to yourself and talk to others when you need to and that is what i do.

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