Hugs

This is when you find out who your friends REALLY are...Its really sad isn't it? I don't think you are contemplating suicide are you? You sound like you are MAD, HURT and just venting.

All of this has happened to me recently only I quit my job over a year ago and have been fortunate to have income..but the friend and family part...I identify with....when I feel that way about people....I think of a friend I have...

He is not gay nor does he have a girlfriend....he takes care of his Ma...shes 90...Otherwise...he does everything alone....he rides his bike, travels, goes to all types of museums...He is 100% ok spending time with himself...I NEVER can GET THAT. He's a happy guy....occasionally he is with friends...we are friendly by text and see each other about 1x a year.

But, we as humans are really supposed to be ok with ourselves..its an odd concept to me...but when friends do this shit to me or family...I think of "Bob" and ask myself....Why can't I just be ok with me? And he doesn't go around thinking no one cares about him. I think people like you and I that are depressed are ultra sensitive.

I hope you find a way to find some happiness in the holiday. I hope someone shares it with you but if you do spend it alone....again, it points out who your friends are...and remember "Bob"...its possible to be alone and be ok.

I know I don't WANT to be alone sometimes....but just cause I am does not mean I'm not worthy or loveable...I just don't have any true friends. AND it could be TRULY THEIR LOSS.

Oh...and don't project.....that you will lose everything in 3 weeks cause of the job...start looking now..you may find something BETTER.

Think positive (I'm trying as well)...if we do that positive things are supposed to happen...lets test that theory...:)

I know it's hard to believe right now, but your daughter will definitely miss you. She may be rebelling now, but she's a teenager & a female, so she's full of mixed emotions probably. You're full of emotions as well & you're hurting. I know it's hard to see it, but you will be MISSED!! You remembered when you were teenager? We all do. LOL! I know when so many things hit home all at once, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. And I think you will have an awesome Independence Day, simply because you're still here with us (among the land of the living). Just go see the fireworks & have some dessert. If you can't be surrounded by REAL friends, then do something positive for & with yourself. Cheers! Happy 4th of July!!!

I'm sorry your going through a tough time. I so feel ya on how your feeling now. I feel like my life jus totally sucks for the past years but I try my best and hope things will change for the better. Definately your family would miss you especially your daughter. Life is tough and so much harder to do when you feel depressed so I get you on that. I try to take one day at a time and pray each day and try to give it to the Lord above. ((Hugs))

Okay, update. Officially lost my job on 7/31/2015. Been applying everywhere for anything even at $10,000 a year cut. Nothing .. Zip .. Nodda ...

Car still not running right. Don't have money to fix.

Fell and tore my meniscus (knee injury). I need surgery, but once again, can't afford it.

Daughter, she's too busy with her life between school, after school activities, work and dealing with her dad. I'm just the lady who runs her here and there, puts food on the table, roof over her head with what's left of my savings.

Now add to the mix, my brother is super suicidal. Taking turns with my mom talking to him until he falls asleep each night. Unfortunately, he lives too far away for either of us to just stop by.

I'm tucked away even further from people. I sit home all day, everyday while I wait for what ever my daughter needs. I'm lonely, bored and going stir crazy. But don't want to go outside to face anyone.

Ugh .... I keep saying God has a plan for me. I sure hope he shows me what that plan is soon. This is driving me crazy.

Surrender is when the miracles happen!

You've got to hit the bottom to get up the other side. I hit it at 40, so you're probably right on track.

The girly: in 2 yrs she will be the joy of your life.

the car: there will be other cars.

There will be other 4ths. And other jobs, and other flats. And everything is an adventure.

I remember as a little girl when the power went out (mum hadn't paid the bill) so we ate toast we made on the fire, and sat around singing songs by candlelight and having a fantastic time.

it's all a matter of attitude. Is it an adventure, or an imposition? Your whole life will be filled with good times and bad; grit your teeth and drag your way through the bad, and you will get to the good and be able to appreciate how truly wonderful it is. having food in the cupboard, having lights and heat, these things are wonderful.

When you get your next job you might find you make a friend. I'm making friends at a rate of about 1 every 2 yrs. it's slow, but it's nice. And less stress. Too much socialising means money, and time, and risk. Being alone is free, and safe.

It sounds like at the very least you are no longett thinking of ending it, IS that right? And yes i'ts har when our kids become teenagers and don't want to spend itme with is any more, My son is 17 and I still think back to when he was in the second grade and would ask me every day after school what we had planned special for that day. But I usualy had to go back t bed and couldn't do much with him back then so I feel guilty now for missing out and now I am able to do things with him but he doesn't really care, He has Aspergers so he has a hard time making and keeping friends so he spends a lot of time alone. Anyway, sorry to maske this about me.

ABSOLUTELY. Please be around. We have friends dealing with the consequences of a suicide and here is their story.

Good-looking handsome successful man marries in Cal, nice house, car. 1st wife not perfect, a little unstabile , he meets cute, sexy, lady, gets divorced. 1st one gets alimony, support. 2nd one on Cal success cycle, new house, new boobs, clothes, more, more, more. They fight. Get divorced, second round of alimony, support.

He becomes ill, put on disability for job, real estate investments loses value, facing foreclosure, borrows money from family. Can't pay second wife, she is a pit bull going to court every other week. Nasty, self-centered manipulative woman looking out for herself 24/7, friends tell her he is hiding money. He shoots himself in the head on his mother's birthday.

Consequences. His family member could not afford the loss. 4 years later, real estate market got better and if he could have persevered he would have paid back the money borrowed. Daughter is devastated for he was always a good and loving father. Now her only family is a dysfunctional mother who did not even recognize her birthday this year and periodically looks for money.

His problems were substantial but they could have been dealt with. Having brought a daughter into the world, I wish he could have realized how much she loved and needed him. Me, I am friend's with the decedent's brother and daughter. I wish he could have been strong.

To you, you can only do what you can do. Work as best you can, and leave the rest in G'd's hands. Look for help, be patient.

Rebelling 16 year old. I had one, came home from a concert at 14 with an earring, dropped out of the first college. Mom wondered why one friend would not associate with him- telling friend's dad to fu didn't help. Now, makes about 200,000 per year, with a prominent management position with one of the leading companies in the world. Strict parent, tough, demanding boss, works 60-70 hours a week and is well-organized and bright. Give your son a chance.

Job tell prospective boss the truth. I face substantial responsibilties. Hire me, you will be damn sure I do an outstanding job and make sure I stay. Research the company and job, make sure your cover letter and resume are perfect. Job applicants talk of how tough it is too get noticed, employers talk of the poor quality of applicants and their lack of preparedness. Good luck.

Thank you for the feed back. I will definitely use all this information to push forward.

As I read you story, I identified with it a lot. I'm not going to go through all the losses both in death & friendship over the past 6 months, but I do know what it feels like to be alone and it's much harder to face any little challenge when you are alone. Who do you turn to? It also makes it seem that noone will even know you're gone; your daughter definitely will suffer and even if there is noone, it's your life ... think of it as a gift. Life is both joy and suffering. Sometimes the latter seems to outweigh the former. You wish it would just be over, right? I know you 'feel' like you want to commit suicide, but feelings can change in a moments time ... with an unexpected hug from your daughter, or someone who may reach out to you.

Try looking in the future when things WILL be better and I believe they will for you. I often envy people who have a partner who supports them and is just with them for the smallest troubles that happen in life, but I don't have that anymore. I used to, but not anymore. Life is toughter when you're alone but inner strength is a great virtue.

We all hope things will get better. First, get the car checked. It may be something major you can't fix, or something minor. Sorry about the knee. Can you do exercises in the meantime. As to daughter, it sounds like she is doing reasonably well and you should be proud of that. As to your friends, you mentioned drama queens, etc. Perhaps give them a chance. If you want to have a group of friends, you have to deal with people of different styles, types, etc. Remember the best way to get a job is through an existing contact

Good luck we'll all hoping for you. Feeling really up today, can I maintain this, we'll see.

'" Okay, update. Officially lost my job on 7/31/2015. Been applying everywhere for anything even at $10,000 a year cut. Nothing .. Zip .. Nodda ...

Car still not running right. Don't have money to fix.

Fell and tore my meniscus (knee injury). I need surgery, but once again, can't afford it.

Daughter, she's too busy with her life between school, after school activities, work and dealing with her dad. I'm just the lady who runs her here and there, puts food on the table, roof over her head with what's left of my savings.

Now add to the mix, my brother is super suicidal. Taking turns with my mom talking to him until he falls asleep each night. Unfortunately, he lives too far away for either of us to just stop by.

I'm tucked away even further from people. I sit home all day, everyday while I wait for what ever my daughter needs. I'm lonely, bored and going stir crazy. But don't want to go outside to face anyone.

Ugh .... I keep saying God has a plan for me. I sure hope he shows me what that plan is soon. This is driving me crazy. "

I agree that it sounds like y9ur daughter is doing well. IF my son had a job and was going to school I would be thrilled. She might be stressed out since you are stressed out. Kids pick up on thier parents emotions.
And I understand wanting to end it. It's something I have battled off and on over the years. But tiday was a good day for me so I am glad Iam still here, adn so is my son as he knows what i deal with with the depression. In fact, he has kept me alive. And yes God has a plan for you.

DONT GIVE UP HUN...........................
GBU
D
;-O