Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
The last few weeks I've been dealing with a rough breakup on top of being unemployed since late June. On top of that, issues with the unemployment payments in my state mean I still haven't received a single payment. I'm fortunate enough to be able to hold out a little longer, but needless to say it's all taking a toll on me.
Now throughout all of this my dad and sister have been periodically checking in (my mom passed 7 years ago), and while my sister has been helpful, my dad just tries to give me solutions that don't really take into account the reality of the situation. Last night, one of his check-ins with me blew up into a fight because of this.
He basically said I wasn't trying hard enough to get a job, that I should just look for jobs in every state and move if necessary. He repeatedly says "what do you even have there, anyway?" which is real awesome to hear considering I do have friends nearby and like where I live (vs. moving where I know no one).
He also says that I'm "avoiding responsibility" when I tell him my state's unemployment system is broken and backed up. And this is after I explained how I've contacted them at least 5 times and no one can help other than saying my turn will come. I also apply for at least one job every single day (and 2 or more on good days). So it's not like I'm just twiddling my thumbs.
Well, as soon as I pushed back on not taking responsibility, he just hung up on me. It felt awful, and it only got worse when i had the realization that this is the kind of thing I'd immediately talk to my ex about. She knew me and my relationship with him, and I know she would have been on my side. Not having that really just made things worse in the moment.
I ended up thinking about it a lot today. It was really really difficult not to feel defeated and like I'm doing things wrong. But that wasn't the end of it.
On top of all of that, I managed to walk to the drugstore on my street at the exact time my ex was riding her bike home from what I assume was her allergy shots at the hospital just a bit north of me. We don't live near each other in the city, and the appointment could literally be any day of the week at whatever hour, and I managed to go out right when she was riding my direction.
Neither of us reacted but I know she saw me. It was the first time I've seen her since the breakup, and emotionally it was weird. A very tiny piece of me felt happy to see her while the other 98% was even more upset.
It was one of the weirdest and most difficult days I've had in a while.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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As for the breakup stuff, you're right. It really does feel like a piece of me is gone and like I've lost my best friend. Odds are good we won't run into each other again any time soon, so hopefully that's what happens. When we split she said she still loved me, that we'd been through a lot together (she literally almost died), and that she hoped we could be friends down the road. I didn't say as much, but with the way it ended, I just don't think that's possible.
I loved her more than any other partner, and I really did think we'd grow old together. It was barely 3 years, but she understood me more than anyone and I could truly be myself around her. The breakup blindsided me, and we had no chance to actually work and figure things out. It wasn't toxic, there weren't trust issues. We did fight occasionally, but things always went back to normal after (or so I thought). It turns out she just kept things bottled in until it was too much on top of all the other stress she's been dealing with.
The breakup was the first time I found out she felt the way she did, and it's a scar I don't think will ever heal enough for us to be friends.
We all wish there was some magic time machine or something, to go through break ups quicker. It sucks to have to deal with it day after day, for what seems like forever. It makes no sense, really, why it has to hurt so darn much!
But each day you are getting a little bit stronger. And although you say she understood you more than anyone, then she should have understood that you wouldn't want her to just end the relationship without giving it everything she had. I have heard that people that just *end it* have been thinking about it for awhile, and had mentally checked out for awhile. I don't say this to be hurtful, I say it so that you can start to realize the reality of the relationship, and look at it from not just your end of it.
Anyway, enough about her. Think about yourself, your life, what you want to do in life. Make some mental plans about things you want to do, maybe travel, maybe moving away, starting a new business, meeting new people, taking up that hobby you always wanted to do, etc. Look forward to all the happy and exciting things that you have in store for you.
And what you say about her checking out kind of makes sense. She seemed a little distant. Not completely uncaring or gone. But distant. I chalked it up to stress about work and health stuff. And all the things we did discuss I actively worked on and addressed. So to hear that she was unhappy overall was a shock. Some days are easier than others, but I obviously still think about her. Granted, it has only been a few weeks. Blah.
Anyway, I appreciate the support and insight. What you say makes a lot of sense, and I'm trying to get myself on track to keep moving forward.