Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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weeping

mysensitiveheart
mysensitiveheart

Can't stop crying and have intense pressure on my chest . My fiancee said one little comment before leaving early this a.m..It really wasnt cruel and had no real consequence but since 5:00 this a.m. i have  been feeling profound grief . I live in intense Chronic Pain and suffer many diseases that severely limit me from living a life of substance . The pain came fom a near death crash where i suffered more broken bones then I have ever dared count , ruptured lung and severe concussion as I waited to die in ICU totally helpless on a respirator although everone around me insisted I was out of it , I heard every beep and scream . The crash left me totally disabled since my early 30's . I barely have the energy to type this and wonder why I am . It took me eons to leave my ex who as a liar and thief stole my last ballooned annuity check which was to help me in these later years . He had me where he wanted me , a helpless , mindless pet with no power . I know I have had outstanding careers in my life , but never could have that one little girl I so craved after my accident . I actually moved from a life in FL. to one in depressing , dark , freezing Michigan to live with my younger sister and her husband . I am unable to live alone and would never want to ...I realize I am rambling . The crux of the matter is that living with them was a nightmare and my fiancee who I met in this state and I thought we were in love . I had no place to go , so I moved into his horrible , broken down farmhouse . A year ago I fractured my spine on one of the uneven floors when I lost my balance which is terrible anyway . I had my spine operated at L1 but the worst pain was to come . The fall left me with a disorder at L/4 & 5 , stenosis and aggravated my pre-existing scoliosis , RSD  and fibro . I hate my existence . My fiancee , although he is a good man is FREEZING COLD and doesnt know how to or want to show compassion when I cry or feel sorry for myself . I am just the opposite ..overly sensitive to mine and others' feelings to a fault and he despises this , saying I am mothering him ! I dont want to be with him ! He makes me so very sad so I live in a constant state of denial , pretending we are fine and that the house is at least presentable . The one thing I cant deny is the pain ! I am not a candidate right now for surgery because of the curve of my spine and advanced osteoporosis but the neurosurgeon I am seeing is being quite creative in treatment which should be making me happy . I have spent the better of the last year in bed as even a simple cough would cause more pain . It became Drs.' orders to do nothing causing more pain and to not even try exercize since it was pure torture .  I am scared of myself at times like this and know if my fiancee comes home in a bad mood we will live the day in complete silence ! Sorry to anyone who has read this novel . Just trying anything to move from this mood and thought addressing the members might help but I now feel worse ..I just want to sleep forever !!  

TooMuch
TooMuch
That sounds like such a nightmare and I am so sorry. :(
mysensitiveheart
mysensitiveheart
dear TooMuch , thank you so much for being patient enough to read my ramblings . It feels good just to be acknowledged . My fiancée came home in a blank mood , wanted to know what he did wrong , sensing my mood and the sniffles I couldn't stop and when I told him sometimes all the sad things in my life come to the forefront and overwhelm me , he said absolutely NOTHING ! Exactly the opposite of what my heart needs . If I could run , I would run until I collapsed . I would pay for a true and meaningful hug . My sadness has escalated . I am over-medicating myself to sleep . Can't take one more negative thought . Thanks again ..
billwfriend
billwfriend
wow that is not good....you need to end that relationship with the fiance....this is not the man you should even consider marrying.....sorry to tell you that....but being there because he is providing a home is not right either....you need to see if sister will take you back.....?
I am sorry to bring this news to you....you surely suffer a lot of bad things in life but this relationship is a bad thing...get out NOW!
Heidiclark
Heidiclark
Are you able to do anything while you're laying in bed like read a book? Also if you don't have some sort of surgery or treatment how are you supposed to function? I'm so sorry about your situation.
unostock
unostock
My advice is to move to southern California go to the town of Vista there is a group of people there who run a cafe called the Yellow Deli, a commune group of people who will take you in, you can live there forever if you like, they grow organic food and sell it in their cafes, they are religious christians if you are fine with that. Southern California it warm and sunny most of the year.
mysensitiveheart
mysensitiveheart
Thank you all for caring enough to respond !
billwfriend , you are a sweetheart for all of your concern . There is absolutely no way I can go back to live w/my sister & broinlaw . They scream , fight and come close to blows too often and blair 2 tvs and fans non-stop . I have a huge bout of bein raised by a mother w/bi-polar and a father who lived 2 enable & indulge her , never having the time for his 3 daughters . The memories in the middle of the night of cops w/straightjacket for her is as vivid as if it were yesterday especially since I was forced to go to school w/all the neighborhood children who of course witnessed the ravings . At my sister's little home , I was forced to live in a tiny bedroom with my tiny dog constantly and even my fan and tv did not drown them out . The PTSD over my entire childhood will never leave me . Loud noises and raised voices incapacitate me totally ! I have tried discussing it with them but they have a very rough life are both ill and broke , have terrible tempers and were honest enough 2 tell me they were not capable of stopping the arguments .I have chosen my HELL and this one , believe it or not is a much better choice for many reasons I wont go into now . Again , I really appreciate your response , my friend . Heidiclark & unostock , I have to get ready for my 1st round of steroid injections now but I will address you both as soon as I am able to move , when the pain wanes a bit . Any other responses are so appreciated !!
whatswrong19
whatswrong19
wow, is there any adult protective services in Michigan? contact social services and speak to adult services and see if there is anything they can do to help you with this situation
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You need treatment for that ptsd and if you contact social services for your state, you will be able to get free housing, food and money to help with the basic necessities in life. Good luck with that and with your help also.

God Bless
mysensitiveheart
mysensitiveheart
I can finally move a bit after getting an excruciating round of steroid shots yesterday and really needed to address those of you that showed me your compassion . billwfriend , thank you again so much for your kindness and concern ! I hope my explanation of why I am able to live with my sister again made sense . In many respects , I am trapped . Heidiclark , slight brain damage from too many head injuries , depression and pain make it impossible for me to concentrate which saddens me as I was once an avid reader . As far as the neurosurgeon's plans for me to go forward with my life he is doing a series of steroid shots himself hoping they will loosen my joints up so I am able to move more . Additionally , I will have 2o rounds of P.T. ahead of me with hopes for the same and hopefully building back some strength . I will tell you this though . My Dr. did 5 rounds of approx. . 4 shots each a yesterday and I am barely able to move today , my entire body being both numb and on fire ! Pain meds don't touch this type of agony and I am barely able to sleep even with using sleep aids since it' s impossible to get comfortable . Hopefully these are all temporary symptoms as the poison is working its way into all of my pain spots ! I couldn't live like this , for sure ! unostock , I adore your suggestion but I am painfully shy and don't have the funds or physical capacity to make such a radical change . If it wasn't the nirvana for me as you described I would genuinely lost with no hopes for any type of future . It really is much too much to make that type of move for me , all alone but thank you for thinking of me ! whatswrong19 , you have a very possible idea for me but again by myself , my horrible shyness and not being able to drive makes even baby steps huge for me . I will keep the idea in the bac of my mind though . bobinmaine , the same goes for your thought . If I was only able to express how terrified of any change , especially on my own , coupled with the agony which is now literally smothering me I cold explain my fears more effectively . Thank you all again and God bless you all for your encouragement and interest . The stabbing is so severe right now , I must medicate myself and try bed again . You have all helped more then I can ever express . Much warmth and affection , always !
reerose
reerose
my heart breaks for you my darling friend. i dont know how youve gotten thru so much. i dont even know where to start. i wish i could take your pain & problems away. know i love you, pray for you & care about you always, sweetie. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
I don't want to sound like I am judging you because I don 't know you other then what I am reading here but if I could identify, in a small way, there have been many times in my life where I built a box around myself made up of my fears. Fears of judgments, fears of other people, places and things. Everything that severely limited me in the things I wanted to do or needed to do. I became to complacent and was drowning in my own self pity at times. I became addicted to my own self pity and I would not let nobody within my little world unless they would feel sorry for me and enable me to continue to live the life that I despised because of those fears.

Again, I am speaking about myself. It wasn't until I leaned on a Higher Power and began to slowly face those fears that miracles began to happen in my life, and there were many! Long story short, I am happier now then I have ever been and I wish the same for you.

I don't know if you believe in a Higher Power and I don't mean in the religious sense but in the individual Spiritual sense. When I put my Faith and trust in the unknown, many little miracles began to occur in my life, that made facing my fears, a whole lot easier!

Hope this helps!

God Bless
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