I can relate to a certain extent, the man who has my heart is unavailable. I can see the same thing happening to me eventually...considering how much I value the friendship I have with this man, even if we can never be together, I still want him in my life. If you can handle it, I'd say remain friends with her. I know this is a really hard situation, but friendship is better than nothing. If you can let go of the beyond friendship feelings, that would be great. I feel like I'm giving bad advice just because I'm in a similarish situation...but I do believe you can still be friends. Ugh...if you need to talk further, you can message me.

I think I shouldn't have confessed....

Well,
You got it off your chest. Sometimes things just work out differently than we expect.
I've had my heart broke too hard. And I guess I am to the point of no love left in me. I figure I'm done forever.
But, you are ok. You will go on. Love again.
She will know you are there.
Life makes some really weird twists and turns.

odepressed....this is going to be a LONG healing process for you. I feel so sad for you that my heart aches right now..It reminds me of a similar situation I was in. You - wanting what is best for her is true love. I believe you truly love her.

There was a lesbian friend I had for years...and years...I confided everything to her and to the best of my knowledge we were just friends.

After about the same amount of time 5-6 years...she wrote me a mail and told me how much she loved me....didn't want to see me hurt...wanted me away from the vicious man I was with. Really put her whole heart on the table telling me she wanted to take care of me and love me.

When I read the response you said your lady friend gave you. I got a strong feeling of dejavu...When she said first she didn't know what to say and then "don't feel sorry for letting your feelings out". UGH....That was exactly my response to my female friend and what it meant for me.....

Was...holy shit...I don't know how to handle this. This friend has been my "best" friend for a very long time and I had no clue. I wondered...Did I unwillingly lead her on? And the main thing was I didn't know what to say because I didn't know how to tell her that I couldn't have a relationship "like that" with her.

odeppressed...I couldn't have a relationship with her not only because she was lesbian but because I had never felt the level of attraction to her...she was just my "best friend" to me.

So I went to her office and she wouldn't turn around from embarrassment....I begged her not to ignore me and to let things stay the same between us. I hugged her from behind because she wouldn't turn around. She was devastated. And I was in total shock. She had wished she never told me too.

What this led to was...the whole dynamic of our relationship changed...we stopped doing as much together...we stopped corresponding as much and this hurt me very much too. It was like it put an awkwardness between us that neither of us wanted to be there...but it was just there.

I'm not thinking it was wrong for her to tell me how she felt...I just feel very sad when I think about it because I couldn't return the feelings to her..and I didn't wanted to keep causing her pain by being in her presence. I haven't talked to her in about 7 years..we both eventually changed jobs.

Then one day...at my job she was working there as a contractor...we saw each other at the smoke shack and it was like nothing ever happened (kind of)...but things were never the same again. I still don't talk to her anymore. :(

This goes 1 of 2 ways for you....
1 - The woman you are in love with - thinks this out...and says WOW...I've loved him too and now what do I do with my life plans and the guy that has been courting me....and then finds a way to end it and be with you if she feels the same way.

or sadly

2 - She continues in this courtship moves away and I'm sure leaves you with much pain..and sadness. And I know it lingers...because in the past I had an obsession with someone and it was never spoken of...and it never went away for YEARS.

So you put yourself out there...if she has had secret feelings for you...than she will come to you and tell you....if she hasn't I am thinking she will try and remain friends as less awkwardly as possible until she moves on. I'm very sad for you...but if you never told her....you would never know if the feelings were mutual.

Now you will know either way...I hope it goes your way..but since her responses were so similar to mine...I'm a little worried for you. But it ALSO could be she is confused..and needs to think about what to do...because the information you gave her could be a huge game changer/life changing event for her.

What's the best thing to do now to save the friendship?
I have a clearer mind now, and realized now that it's such a foolish act to get it off my chest.
How good if I could turn back time...

I think that you did the right thing. She had totally put you in the "friend" group, and never saw you as a love interest. You spent 6 years secretly longing for her. If you had not told her, odds are you would have spent more years secretly longing for her.

Now you should feel free to reach out and look for relationships elsewhere. And now that she knows how you feel you never know, if this current interest does not work out she may start to see you in a different life.

Gentle hugs

HUGS..........................
GBU
D
;-O

so i deal with depression too but I am also a straight shooter because I feel like it works best to know the truth.

She was always "just a friend". That right there should be your very first clue that she wasnt that into you. Honestly men and women cannot be just friends because one always has feelings and ends up getting hurt so if there is something going on in your heart and the other person is not showing any interest other than friendship, trust me you would know if someone was interested - intimacy would be involved, time to back off and take care of number one - YOU.

If someone doesnt see you as their perfect match, let go and find the one that does. I live in the US and I have friends who are from the UK and i know their is a huge difference in culture, the men are much more in touch with love and relationships. My friend fell in love with me but I had no clue why cause I hadnt shown any signs of interest. I even told him directly but he didnt listen. Im sure he hurt over that but he still stuck around...he is a great man. He finally left the friendship and focused on himself which is great....and he met someone that he is now marrying...someone who is his match. Yes it hurt me cause he was my friend and what if ya know? But i was not attracted to him that way. My long story to tell you....you will find the one for you even through the pain, but you have to let go of what if with her....face the pain, let go and go out and have a good time...be busy...Put yourself first. xox

Unrequited love SUXXX.

#8 I disagree, I think that men and women can be just friends, but agree that it can be difficult. I found that once I started seeing the future Mrs. Pepper it was a LOT easier to have women as just friends. (With other women, not with her!) And as I have gotten older, I find it easy to have female friends who are young enough to be my daughter.

But I sure had a problem similar to the OP's when I was in college.

Thepepperman, I dont mean to be rude, but you just made this about you. My post was for odepressed and my post wasnt requesting your agreement or disagreement.

I think we should stick to replying directly to his posts.

Thanks for all advices....i am still recovering at this moment....

Hey, butterfly, sharing our own personal experiences in a way that might be helping the original poster, IS answering their question.

Pepperman's experience was relevant.

I am so sorry to hear this happened. Heartbreak is the worst pain someone can feel. It feel like someone punched you in the stomach and is simultaneously ripping your heart out. This is a really difficult and complicated situation...and I think you did the right thing telling her...because not knowing is probably a worse feeling that will never get better where this might...

Give it time. Time has a way of dulling the pain. You are already on the right track of wanting her to be happy. Whenever I have been heartbroken I have been the opposite and would be incredibly selfish so good for you, it seems like you are an extremely decent and mature gentleman :)

That being said...any loyal friend who is also an extremely decent and mature gentleman also deserves an epic love...so keep looking...Keep your head up. Don't isolate yourself and treat yourself to some frozen yogurt or a bit of shopping...Talk nicely to yourself and remind yourself that it will get better. If time doesn't get better then consider seeing your doctor, because Major Depressive Disorder can be very difficult to just "get over" without treatment...

I hope you feel better.