I'm not leaving them with anything to deal with.

Glad you are still here with us, please call a hotline, they will help you.

Bamamom if you kill yourself you will be giving your girls something to deal with. Death can be really hard to deal with. My family lost my brother-in-law a few years ago & it was very hard on all of us esp my sister.

If I call the hotline they will want me to go to the hospital

Tell me Bamamom what is the worst about the hospital? I know for me I would not want to go either, but if I were in your shoes I would go.
Number 1- Suicide offers no concrete solution to my suffering.
Number 2- I have 2 kids I am responsible for and it will haunt them until the day they die. In my opinion, that is terribly irresponsible for me to do.
Number 3- I saw the movie "What Dreams May Come" and I am convinced if I am born into this world and have misery then I must cope through it and give back to others what I have learned from it for it is my debt to the world and to the creator of this world.
Number 4- What I imagine the hospital to be is not going to be what it the reality of it is. I am not capable of seeing what the hospital is like without being there, so rather than expecting them to be awful, I would think the opposite because logically they know how vulnerable I am. For example; If I had to go for chemo treatment for skin cancer- it is unlikely there will be a tanning bed in the waiting room.
They will not hurt you - they will LOVE you and help you to repair what is broken. I regret if I have overdramatized the example I gave, but I just think it is important for us to keep it real.
What kind of lesson would go to your daughters you think if you hospitalized yourself so that you did not kill yourself? Perhaps the most important lesson they have ever learned I might suggest.
You have incredible courage. Thank you for being here today.
Thank you.

They won't know where you are, and you just tell them you need to talk. But, the hospital might help you during this time. there is nothing wrong with that.

Thanks but I have been in the hospital before and it only helps for a little while

The important thing is you are still with us and you are fighting this, you can do it, don't let depression win

idk its getting hard to not just end it but im trying i guess

Bamamom have you ever seen a crystal quartz?

This makes me cry! Your poor children and how they would suffer and miss you so badly!!! They would CRY for you all the time...."where is my mommy"????????

I am suffering badly, just like you are, trust me, but different circumstances. I wish I wasn't born, but I was! Now, I have to deal with the pain and suffering. I just can't imagine putting my family in grief and sorrow if I was to end my life......including my best friends (my pets).

I know how you feel, I really do!! I cry everyday!! I CARE about you and everyone here on this site.

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!

HUGS!!!!!! ~Nay

How are you doing Bamamom?

Love you, Bamamom. I hope your medication is helping you. I hope you are feeling better

(((((((((((((((((((((love & hugs))))))))))))))))

Most of us have been where you are. We do understand & you aren't alone. There is help out there for you too. Don't do it for your kids or anyone else. Do it for you because you deserve it! You deserve to get help. You deserve to be happy! You deserve good things to happen to you. I really hope you change your mind.

Bummer! I never even got the chance to meet you.