Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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To sleep, perchance to dream

countingmyblessings
countingmyblessings

This coming Thursday is my daughter's viewing; the next day her burial. I hate my life without her. It's been a month and a day. Sometimes I still believe I can bargain somehow, like maybe somehowdear god it cant b real. When the sobs turn back to the burning trails down my reddening cheecks I breathe a minute and kinda straighten up and say "come on now Mama, " like she'd say to me and lose my breath a million times between me and remembering I still have to put her in the ground. Before I do that I must see her face. She will be sleeping. Being honest with myself and all listening I never loved another soul like I loved her, and although I was a better mother than my own I was a terrible parent. We give what we have been given UNLESS we LEARN TO DO BETTER. I saw a sign "I don't want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband". I agree. I can hear him snoring from here and we're at opposite ends of the house. I am glad to check in here even though  no one has trouble sleeping tonight but me.

adriasm
adriasm
I don’t have children so I can’t fully understand the depth of your loss but I’m very sorry for your loss. I can understand wanting to sleep and wake up and have a different reality like maybe it was just all a bad dream. When I’m suffering and I can’t sleep I tend to punish myself and think about all mistakes I made. The fact that you are worried about what kind of parent tells me you probably weren’t a bad parent. Usually bad parents never think they do anything wrong and even when confronted minimize things. I hope you can find solace in the love you have for your daughter. Being truly loved means so much to a child.
oceanloverct
oceanloverct
Sorry for your loss. I don't have the words to bring comfort to your loss. I wish I did. But the loss of a child is I"m sure extremely difficult. Don't know if you area woman of faith or not but I have said a prayer for your daughter and for you. If you have little to no family/friends in your life perhaps speaking with a therapist who deals with grief could provide some measure of help. I"m sorry I can't give you better advice. I hope you soon find a healthy way to get thru this. God bless!
billwfriend
billwfriend
I am sorry that your daughter passed away and I do know it hurts like nothing else from others telling me....I do not have kids.....I am sure that heaven has a new angle watching over you now.....hugs bill
bluemoon29
bluemoon29
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending gentle healing hugs and prayers for you to make it through.
Anna1212
Anna1212
Very sorry for your loss. I have no words. My heart goes out to you.
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
Your daughter is alive on the Other Side. You can talk to her. She will hear you. When my Mom passed away in 2000, I found comfort in Sylvia Browne's book "The Other Side and Back". It became my Bible. I was already a fan of hers when my friend bought her book and would call me and read to me from it while I was bedridden from a herniated disc. I was fascinated. The friend who turned me on to this book had a daughter who abandoned her baby. So my friend took care of the baby. Before the baby was born, the father of the baby died as a result of injuries that he sustained in an accident. My friend said this father would visit his daughter at night and rearrange all of her baby items on the dresser and would leave change all the time. I am not trying to force my beliefs on you and I am so sorry about your daughter. In the alternative, I am trying to comfort you as I was comforted. I hope you make it through the next two days okay.
countingmyblessings
countingmyblessings
Thank you first of all to all who have responded. I.(she sighes), am getting better. There are times in each day now when I can function, (long pause, and off I go again- into the Valley of Tears. Then deep breaths, wipe my nose and stinging cheeks made raw from my salty tears. I have begun saying outloud a kind of mantra : Lord, grant me the serenity, (halted breath) to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change (deep breath, tryna sit up straight for a minute)the things I can _ AND the wisdom to know the difference. Don't want this suddenly accelerated life to end up ina downward run.
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