Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Tired of Losing!!

nccodamom
nccodamom

In 2014, I lost my car. A month later, I lost my house. My brother nor my sister speak to me. A owned a business. I began losing customers. I had at least 6 of my ex students and business partners cut my throat and stab me in the back by setting up businesses using my ideas and continuing to use me concepts in their every day functions. My mother died in 2004 and me and my 2 children from my former marriage have no immediate family here. 


I have no support and had begun working at the studio 6 days a week. I was up to 12 classes a week and doing classes on location. But I loved what I was doing!!


This year, I lost the business. I have been losing ever since. I'd picked up a second job but couldn't stay I know it because of my depression ( call center job).My bank account is on the negative so much, the bank has threatened to close my account.  The jeep I'm driving windows don't work and air conditioning  went out. So for my sons graduation, I had no mo eyes for him, to do anything or go anywhere for him and he had to ride there sweating in this piece of junk. My children have been stuck in this house for over a month. I have no money to take them anywhere. I even lost our gym membership. So they are just wasting away for the summer. Some days I don't know what we will eat. They have suffered the worst!! I hate myself for not being able to save them from this hell..a loser like me.


I have applied for so many jobs I have lost count. I have some fitness classes I teach like I did when I ran my studio, but barely anyone shows. Sometimes only 2 people. From over 50 a class to 2. 


I'm watching those that cut my throat, put me down and steal from me prosper. AND IT HURTS!! I can't even be happy for them because of the pain, envy and jealousy due to my situation and YEARS of Losing and suffering! Why??!! Why do me and my children have to suffer like this??! I feel like I'm cursed!! One door opens then 3 shut! I've never been this broke AND broken in my life!! 


I can't deal! People keep saying pray. But I have! I have! Why won't it stop?! 

Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
I DO sympathize with you. Really. Thing is ... without narrowing down the cause of the problem, a solution is hard to find. Definitely something wrong. Being we have no control over others, you must look to YOURSELF to discover what it is that is 'wrong'. I wish I could be more specific, but I don't know you well enough. This is what counselors are good at, ... educated, trained, and experienced. I recommend you head for one.
stimpy
stimpy
You seriously need to find yourself a counselor, you need someone professional to talk to, that can stabilize you and get you grounded. I feel so bad for you. I cannot even tell you how bad I feel for you. If you don't have any money for a psychologist call one of the hotlines and tell them you really need help. You are overwhelmed, circling the drain, trying to pull yourself up the bootstraps, but you have no bootstraps to pull yourself up with. My prayers go out to you.
nccodamom
nccodamom
@stimpy Thank you for your prayers. That's exactly what it feels like. Like I'm circling the drain! God knows I have been to demos, applied for countless jobs, been to social services for help with bills. But to live in the same town where your business flourish and have those same people laugh and make fun of you and call you broke and loser,...it's torture! And not being able to start over because I don't have a job is the worst. When I go to social services, the people that work there used to take my classes. The gossip that follows, smh! I want to move but how. I want to start over but I barely have $10 to my name on any given day. But because of my depression, I've become really good at faking it and pretending it's OK. My pastor says I shouldn't talk about it. It's over and better is coming. When?! I'm fighting myself just to roll out of the bed in the mornings. My children are the only reasons that I do. And unfortunately they are going to be terribly affected by my life, my losing and my depression.
nccodamom
nccodamom
I've applied for medical assistance. Hopefully I will get it and be able to get a counselor.
gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
The road to fixing the problem starts by handling one issue at a time I wish you the best
lighttheway
lighttheway
I can sympathize,having raised my 4 children alone with very little money.I have learned that its not the lack of money that affects kids.Its the doom and gloom moods.I grew up poor as well but have great memories of playing outside.kids love to be outside playing,it doesnt cost anything.I know its hard.Counseling an help alot.one day at a time and a positive attitude can go along way.I know it can be easier said than done.I hope things get better for you..
muskrattiger
muskrattiger
I am keeping you and your children in my prayers ......and I will pray that you get that medical assistance ......take very good care of your self ....God bless ..
nccodamom
nccodamom
Update:
Nothing so far. Still no job. I haven't heard back about medical assistance either. I'm still hiding behind a happy face.
I did decide to go and register for school at the community college. Since I'm broke, it was free. I'm not sure what it will do but...
I still feel like I'm watching the world live while my life is going downhill. Still embarrassed that I have been unemployed for so long and can't find a job. I feel especially embarrassed in front of my children. I feel like I'm cursed. No one calls or checks on me.. I'm just exidting.
nccodamom
nccodamom
*existing
hopesmiles
hopesmiles
ok you need to get a game plan: 1st. STOP worrying about what other people think. do what you gotta do to do better for your kids. screw everybody else. college that's great!! maybe work in the day and go to school at night or do online classes. ill be praying for you.
nccodamom
nccodamom
Thanks hopesmiles. The plan for six months now has been to get a job. It's hard to put things in motion with no money. Yesterday I went to the supermarket with $20 to feed 2 teenagers. I had $10 for gas to get to an interview. This morning, no gas and no food. Do you know how it feels to constantly not know where your next meal is coming from? To have my children look at my and ask for more assuming that I just have it or can make it happen? Having them stay asleep so they can skip a meal so they won't be as hungry eat as much. While their friends hang out, go out to eat, movies, vacation,..
Last year this time, I was being paid $250 for a class on location. I had a business. A failing business in hindsight, but opportunities. I could at least do something. Today, I go to the supermarket with coins. It is so disheartening. This morning I can't breathe the tears are coming so hard and fast. My son wants to go to the movies with his girlfriend. He's embarrassed that she has to pay. So all I have to do is get him to her house. But I have no gas. So again, he has to miss out because of me. He hasn't been anywhere and I mean nowhere, all summer long. And he has to be here with me like this. Pray for them.
MBD84
MBD84
Thanks for sharing. I've been struggling with unemployment and the profound depression and fear that that has brought. It's a level of depression I've never experienced. I have enough money for now, but it's going to run out if I don't find a job. I've never had money problems before and am terrified of what it's going to look like if the money runs out. I don't know what your health insurance situation is, but if you can, I suggest you see a therapist and/or get on some medication just to stabilize yourself. If therapy/medical doctor isn't an option I think you can always admit yourself into a hospital if you feel like you're in full crisis mode. I know it's easier said than done, but if you can, try to stop worrying about what others think. I know you really worry about what your kids think of you, so i'l share something about my own father: he had a job crisis when I was about 9 or so. He refused to do something the employer wanted him to do because what they were asking him to do was either a crime (or just against his core values -- can't remember). He ended up getting fired for refusing to do something that was wrong. We could have had a lot more money if he had done the wrong thing and stayed with the job, but that's not what I think about. instead, I've always admired his courage to stand up and do the right thing. By doing what he did -- and losing his job as a result -- he taught me a huge lesson on integrity. I believe I am a better person for it. I know your situation isn't exactly analogous, but my point it, your kids can still respect you and love you even if you don't have money. If you find a way to deal with these difficult times with some kind of grace (I know easier said than done) then your kids should admire you for your fortitude. And you'll be teaching them, by example, on how to be strong even during a crisis.
min63
min63
hey i have been threw hell it really not worth taking yourself out. i just was on other side fighting for life three days or so i stood there telling them to breath every time they quit , every time he stop breathing my heart fill at my feet . he acts like i was not even there , it his problem my heart is clear . i have lost everything two times now my now ex husband took our life saving brought her a house . i left my boyfrind last time left it all behind , my immediate family they all died on me my sister both younger than me are gone, lost my parents they where 58 and 60, almost lost my boyfrind , my second husband tried to poison me. he also took my new car and got her one . my first husband and his friends took turns on me , there a ton more i have things like this happen all the time i also lost my best friend she died on me , so i have lost it all be trail by my own blood , now this im tried hang in there im here if you need to talk , hugs min
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