Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My whole life I've dealt with insecurity. I felt a need to aquire the acceptance of my peers. However, as I grew older I began to realize that life is not meant to be lived for anyone else. I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't just to "fit in" and I discovered myself. And what I discovered is I'm actually a very selfish person. I'm angry and manipulative. I hated that about myself and decided that's not the person I wanted to be. So I began to change. I worked so hard, I meditated everyday to find a calm and a sense of self acceptance. I worked on my temper. I began to give and think of others before myself. And three years later I am starting to realize that I'm basically doing the same thing. Trying to be someone else. And I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm still a shitty person and I'm just tired of being me. I'm tired of the person I am. I'm tired of trying to be better to no avail and I'm just tired of... being tired. I realize I still despise myself and always will. I spent three years convincing myself I loved who I am, and convincing myself that I really am a better person... but perhaps I will always be a shitty person. Three years of my life of nothing but working on bettering myself and I'm still not. I hate me so why should I expect anyone else to like me when I dont even like myself. I'll continue to try and be better. But I've just become so discouraged about life.
Growth isn't about shifting location. Growth is about increasing in size. You're in the same location, but you encompass more area. Someone watching from a mile away might think you've shifted but you haven't. You've GROWN.
Selfishness is perfectly functional when taken to its logical conclusion and used as fodder for growth. You didn't need to reject your inner self. You didn't need to throw away yourself. You needed to let it be itself and grow.
The world contains you and other people. Both. Not just you, or just other people. So if the world can contain you both, so can you. You can grow yourself to include both yourself and your needs, and the needs of others. They are ENTIRELY compatible.
If you need people in your life then you need them to get their needs met in your life, or they have to leave. So giving a little here and there is still entirely selfish when seen in light of keeping that person in your life.
What am I saying? I'm saying selfish is fine. You just have to be selfish and sensible. I personally just spent $500 on a dog that isn't mine, and I'll never get that back. I did it entirely selfishly. 100% selfish. I was unable to cope with it being unhappy, the anxiety was killing me. $500 to deal with my anxiety and panic at living next door to a neglected animal was absolutely fine. Totally acceptable price-tag.
So go ahead with the selfish thing. Just don't be stupid about it. Be long-term selfish. Be big picture selfish. And don't worry so much.