I'm sorry your feeling this way. Be kind to yourself please.

You're doing good by writing here. Journaling is an outlet for many even if it's private and to burn it later

Sweetie are you being treated for depression?

Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

The reason I ask is they are experts in psychiatric meds and being on the right medication can help a lot along with other tools

Big hug...xo

No, I'm not being treated for depression, nor am I seeing a psychiatrist. I have a therapist, but I find recently that a lot of things I bring up with her, her reply is "I don't know what to say to help", so I don't know if it's time to end that relationship or not. With how I'm feeling now, it feels like some help is better than no help

It's good that you are writing if that helps you. Your therapist might be challenging you to 'think for yourself'...or like myself for "many years in therapy I was doing the broken record syndrome' just repeating myself and not making any effort to make changes that would benefit me.

If you are care taker alone for your Mom, you might want to look to the state for respite, or hire someone for like two hours a week, senior care provider to give you a break.

It's winter, cold and isolating...thinking a lot of people are feeling depressed. You do have choices to feel better one might be to see your own medical doctor for a check up.

You've been struggling for quite a while now and depression is a disorder that often needs treatment

You could see your family doctor and ask for a psychiatric referral?

I don't know if there's much of a wait
If there is your family doctor can help during the wait

I would definetly seek treatment

And there is good help for depression

Therapy is good but sometimes not affective without medication as it can involve brain chemestry

Big hug...xo

I was the caregiver to my mom. As an only child the burden of it all was quite stressful over the 20+ years. Sacrificing and no one truly appreciating your caregiver role unless they’ve had a similar lived experience. I agree with what the other DS friends have said keep journaling, taking breaks and being kind to yourself. (((Big HUG)))

On a personal note, I also try to get lots of water during the day to help flush out toxins and give the body more relief

I hope you're feeling at least a little bit better today.

I totally get what you're saying and agree 100% with suncloud.
Please talk to your primary care Dr and get help with the depression. It doesn't sound like you're current therapist has all the tools nessary to help enough.

I totally relate to your words.
No one would notice much less care if I disappeared. Maybe they'd miss their paycheck, meal ticket, or personal maid for a moment.....but not me (as a person)
But like you I fear pain.
It's been the only thing that's stoped me from doing something permanent so many times.
The few times I've gotten past that fear and acted on these thoughts it's only been the grace and intervention of God that has gotten me to the ER and kept me alive.

Ive been in therapy now for 3 years....and seeing a phyciatrist for 6mos or so.
I'm diagnosed borderline personality (BPD) Bipolar 1 and CPTSD.
My meds help a lot (after finding the right combo for me) . I'm more stable than before.
But I'm still very trigerable .
Like now .
Working mandatory OT, cutting into and disrupting my sleep, and routine.
Causing stress and fatigue.
The a huge fight with my husband (relationship stress)

Physical stress making me more vulnerable to bipolar episodes.
Relationship stress more vulnerable to BPD episode

But....I have an appointment with my phyciatrist tomorrow (Friday) I can tell her how I was good, baseline stable for a few months and how I've crashed just these last couple days.
My hope and expectation is that she can help me get back to baseline and find my hope again like she has before.

I hope and pray you can feel better soon too.
Please feel free to message me anytime if you need to talk k *hugs*

Good morning Valoo! If you have been feeling this way since at least 3rd grade, then you need a more intense approach. So I agree that you should see a psychiatrist for medication. In the meantime, you might want to look up videos with Gabor Mate. He talks a lot about childhood trauma. He made me realize that I've had a lot of trauma in my life. Do you get any exercise? I would also suggest going for walks. And yes, find out if you can get respite care for your Mom. You seriously need a break. Please continue to write here. We care!

I can hear the pain and frustration in your words. I have felt like that at times. It can feel all consuming. I hear desperation to not feel the way you are. I agree psychiatrist and maybe a psychologist for therapy. I would get another lined up and then tell your current therapist you are trying to find a better fit.
Is there anyway you can join a meetup or take a class in art or something?
You need distraction and social interaction.
I hope you can start to feel better soon.