Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was in an abusive relationship 5 years ago. It was followed by stalking and only last year did he finally leave me alone. I dont know if I ever truly healed from that. He traumatized me and I feel like it's hard to explain to others. After our break up, I began dating someone but we never made it an official relationship. Now fast forward some years, I am still stuck in something that doesn't feel complete. My ex hurt me so bad that it made me scared and depressed. However, now I have someone that won't actually commit to me. So I dont feel enough. I have had relationships with people on two different sides. One who was controlling/abusive and one who doesn't love me enough. A couple months ago, I got in an argument with the guy I'm dating and I had a full panic attack, rushed to the hospital. Sometimes if we get in a little argument, I flinch. He has never hurt me but I feel like my past was so bad it is ruining what I have now and that's why he won't commit. He always hugs me and says please stop flinching but I can't help it. I have days where I don't know what's wrong with me and I just cry until I can sleep. I get overwhelmed with work and school and just want to sleep. I want to be able to have a successful relationship but sometimes I can't get out of my funk. Sometimes it causes me to be mean and sometimes it causes me to sleep my day away. I feel alone and feel like no one wants to hear my issues or cares because they didnt go through it. Honestly, I can easily put on a poker face when I am out and about and just smile as if nothing is wrong. Truth is, I have been hurting for a long time. Thankfully, my faith has helped pull me through but I have days that are so rough. Like tonight, I keep crying and don't want to be sad but don't know how to cheer up. I just want to feel enough.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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there has been considerable popular press on the social impact of misogyny (hatred of women). misandry (hatred of men) seems socially blessed. poor girl. how right you are to hate the evils of men. never mind that harboring hatred burns holes in your soul. those evil creatures are worthy of all the hate we can muster.i have 5 brothers, 5 sisters and 3 sons and 2 daughters. i hold that misandry is...
First of all, I am very sorry that you were in such an abusive situation. Please know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with how you are feeling - it fucked you up! So if you need to cry, just cry. If you need to sleep, then sleep if you are able. It is all a part of a process and the road to healing.
My experience with women in my life who have been in abusive situations is that they align their identity with the abuse, as if it's their entire story. But there is so much more to you than what that asshole did. You deserve to feel complete, and only you can get you to that point.
I believe in the power of forgiveness of others. But I believe the most powerful forgiveness is when we forgive ourselves for beating ourselves up over things that weren't in our control. You are a survivor! A victor! Get behind yourself and start cheering!
My only advice for your current relationship is just be completely honest. Your partner is supposed to be your rock, allow him if he's willing. Find a way to "practice" getting closer to him. I do hope though that you don't confuse your trauma with potential dangers. It can be very easy to be gaslighted into believing that, and I hope that's not a situation with your arguments.
This post really stood out to me as I've been in just about the same situation, the ptsd, etc. I also have the same problem: with one person who is super controlling and then with another who refuses to commit. Neither works, but one is certainly worse.
As far as the hyperarousal, (flinching, etc) I don't find talk therapy does much. I did somatic experiencing, which I really love. It's not a talk therapy. Now that everything is closed, I"m not doing it. I could choose to do a Skype session but I just don't feel it's as effective. Maybe check out Somatic experiencing online and read up on it. I feel it helped. In the meantime, I continue to be reactive and have outbursts at times, but overall I would say I'm better. It's hard when our abuse issues affect our partner, too. I relate to this post.