I'm feeling very suicidal again. I almost drove off the road and into a wall today on purpose. I stopped myself though. The only way to keep from killing myself is to cut. At least then I feel pain. I'm so sick of this. I know I need to fight once again to get better. I don't know how many more times I can drag myself out of the hole though. I just want to die. When I try to fall asleep all I can think of is ways to kill or hurt myself. It makes me never want to go to bed. I feel so sad it hurts. I hate myself. I'm disgusting. I just want to die.
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