Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't know what has hit me, but for the past few weeks I've been crying non-stop. Everything is sad to me. I've been thinking a lot lately about how time keeps pushing forward. I turned 40 this year, my husband turned 44, and I'm not dealing with it well. Our kids are older teens and not needing Mom as much anymore. I feel useless and unneeded.
I homeschool my son, but I feel like I'm failing that too. He has some challenges and I worry about him finding work he enjoys and him not having any true friends. It's not from a lack of trying. He really is a sweet caring boy. My daughter is starting to drive and has a job on top of school and is stressed all the time. She suffers from depression, anxiety and social anxiety. I feel badly for my kids. I'm already dreading going through empty nest syndrome. I've seen it time and time again where kids leave the nest and barely see or talk with their parents anymore. That's very sad to me. Unless of course their parents are terrible people, then I understand.
I feel aimless and goalless. I have no friends. I'm blessed to have my family but I still feel alone a lot. My husband works long hours and travels for work quite a bit. Otherwise we have a strong marriage and have been married 18 years, together for 20 years.
I also have a genetic disorder that causes chronic pain, dislocating joints, and muscle rips and tears from doing everyday activities. I tried to go for a walk to get fresh air the other day and my back seized up so badly, I was afraid I wouldn't make it back. My brain has no issues, it's just my body failing, and I feel trapped in this failing body sometimes and wish things were different.
Life isn't how I expected it would be when I was a 20 year old. Possibilities seemed endless, the future unknown but exciting.
Those are lies. It took me awhile to understand that. My European friends told me that aging is something to appreciate. It's a right, a privilege, and it says the woman is mature in thought, more sophisticated, and experienced. (Hey...I did spend time trying to not believe that either lol...as I thought they are just trying to make me feel better.)
But...why the hell not? Why can't I embrace myself just as I am? Why do I feel bad for surviving 40 years with myself still intact? You created a family. You bore children and raised them. You are growing old with a good man. (Trust me it's 1000x worst if you're single and over 40....I'm waving my hand at you lol). These are not easy things. You did that.
What did you think your life would look like when you were 20? Can you share that?
Sending you light and love.
And there is.
You sound like you really need a friend, someone who you can talk to. It's hard because some people just have acquaintances, and some people have best friends.
It's hard to speak your deep thoughts and problems with acquaintances.
I live near a hospital, and they have a mental health clinic where I've been going for a very long time. They have assigned me a counselor, whom I'm able to talk to every week. We have nice conversations, and conversations where she'll be patient and listen to me. Maybe you should check out the hospitals in your area.
These services won't come to you, you have to seek them out. And you're still pretty young (you may not feel that way), so it's best to start the ball rolling and get some help or someone to talk to before it gets any worse.
I feel for you. I had no friends for most of my life also. I wish you luck.
I say own it. Own your feelings. Your feelings are real and you're doing great. I sounds like you put your heart and soul into your family. That's very admirable. Having chronic pain and lack of a support group I have come to believe our soul is there even when the body fails. You're still you just a bit different. Things are difficult for you and you are incredible for perservering. Could this be a time for you to rediscover yourself? You may not be able to get back into things you did or enjoyed years ago, but what is it you need for yourself? (Only you can answer that unfortunately.) Can you start with something small for yourself? A guided meditation while sitting outside on a nice sunny day maybe? An online class? A book? Just a thought. I am also trying to answer that for myself. I'm not super great at advice(!), but I'm happy to connect when you need an ear. Please feel free to PM me (if that's possible?).