all you can do is be mindful that he is sick and needs to pull it together with the doctors help....

Hello there and thank you for telling us what ur going thru... I am in the exact same boat so am always here to vent to... it's hard... it's really hard...

I know they are the ones going thru it but it's silly to not think it effects us just as much, especially when we can't help lift them up....

My hubby is just coming out of a cycle that's lasted almost 2 weeks so far. It's really hard to be the carer in these situations but I'm learning as I go.

1. Don't take it personally.
2. Set boundaries.
3. Know when to step back.
4. Insist the partner receive professional help.
5. Reach out for support whenever and wherever you can, whether it be a message board, Facebook group, chat room or a mental health professional/support group in your community.
6. I can't say this enough...RESEARCH!!! Having a better understanding of the illness will help.

Wow, I second what WearingDown said!

Hi
I was in your husband's position a few years ago. Fortunately I'm out of that...but I lost an important person to cancer. It was very traumatic, especially if he was very close to the parent. Just for some perspective, I was very close to her all of my life, 30 plus years, she was unfortunately my only positive relationship...then she died and the family collapsed. I don't know about your husband and the whole picture with him, but I will say it took me a solid year to recover and it was intense. The problem was really intense grief rather than mental illness, though I had that prior, which complicates things greatly. With death, it will take time. What was he like prior to the parents' passing?
orion

Grief does strange things to even the most normal people. `it's good that your hubby is getting medication but he really needs someone impartial and not emotionally connected to, to talk to about his feelings and to process the loss. The loss of a parent is the one of the most difficult things any of us will go through, as human beings. I wish you blessings and good energy to look after yourself, your hubby and kids at this hard hard time.

best

Manda xx

Thanks to everyone for their kind comments. I am like the most positive person in the world and all the negative stuff is hard to handle. My husband and I have been together since my 14th bday and married for 35 years. We will get through but I just hate seeing him so unhappy. It seems his medication is helping a little.

This is easy to explain to a woman....they understand the issue....But, you need to be supportive...do little things to show him you still care....write a note to go into his wallet....write "I still love you" on the bathroom mirror. Little things like that can be so uplifting to someone who is going through depression. Be there even in the "bad" times!

I know the few times my husband has sent me text messages lifts my spirits. Little things...they add up to one huge thing!!

and what wearingdown suggested....very good stuff!!!