First of all, you have a few good reasons to feel the way you do. It would be pretty natural, I would think. I am sorry you have had these things happen. It will take time before you find life 'just thrilling' .. but you will 'rebuild' .. you simply can't disregard the 'time' factor.

"I am doing a little better now than the first few months"

See what I mean about 'time'?

I take 30mg of Remeron .. and it does me very well. I suggest you discuss upping the dose with your doctor. Without medication, I can easily feel just the way you describe ... considering my past hard luck .. but with it (medication), it's really no big deal anymore.

Between time and effective medication, I think you will find ample relief from the feelings you think will never end.

By the way, .. the reason I think a doseage increase will help is the mention of feeling the 'worst' when you first 'wake up'. I know the feeling ... instant dread that life presents itself for another day.

I am not a doctor, but I do think 30mg will help you. Talk to yours about it.

Thanks for the reply WanderingVet. I will definitely ask my doctor about a dosage increase on the Remeron. That may be very helpful for me.

Infidelity in a marriage is one of the hardest betrayals to face. Won't lie and say that you will "get over it" - you will be forever changed. Sounds like you are trying to surround yourself with positive energy which is so important. As for the Remeron, it does help with anxiety as well as sleep, but have you talked to your dr. about an extended release medication? You take it at bedtime (usually it makes you drowsy) and by the time you wake up, the medicine is at its peak.
As for having to return to your parents, you are not a failure. And right now you probably need the stability that only family (especially parents) can provide. Like I say about my kids: they sometimes go off their paths in life, and then they have to come home for a little while to find another one. Another thing to remember, it is NOT what happens to you that defines you - it's what you choose to do about it that does. You will get through this - blessings**

Thanks shelbygirl, I didn't ask my doctor about an extended release version of the Remeron, but he did suggest that I try taking 30 mg instead. So I am trying this, starting tonight. I'm crossing my fingers that it helps. Wish me luck! I'll keep you updated. Thanks again guys, I really appreciate your help and advice.

I don't think that Remeron is a drug that is available in an extended release form. Upping the dose may help, and I hope it does. If this medication does not seem to work for you and you struggle with the mornings, ask your doctor about some of the extended release medications that are available. I'm glad to hear that you are willing to work with your Dr. and are holding on the hope that things will get better. Blessings**

im sorry your hurting so much were here for you, your not alone

Thanks so much for your caring guys. So far the increased dosage of Remeron has made me sleep deeply into the day. I haven't seen much of an improvement with my depression yet, but it may just take more time.

Checking with my doctor about an extended release medication is a good idea. I will ask him next time I talk to him, especially if the new dosage of Remeron isn't helping like it should be.

I feel like I should feel better than I do, but at the same time, I know I could be worse. I'm just in the middle, struggling through each day. I hope it gets better. :)

It is unlikely you will find a medication that does not have SOME side effect. I will tell you right now that Remeron and most other SSRIs effect sleep .. mainly more of it. There is a huge physiological connection between seratonin and sleep.

I will tell anyone, I would rather sleep a lot than to be in the deep depression that I would have without Remeron. I see people complain about medication side effects quite often and they need to understand .. this is MOOD medication .. and mood and sleep are pretty connected. Try being around someone who is sleep deprived .. and you will see what I mean.

In any case, there are now hundreds of antidepressants .. so discuss it with your doctor .. just don't look for the miracle med .. the one that makes everything just peachy with no side effects. It does not exist.

True, those medicines are all going to have some kind of side effect. If I can find one that isn't too bad, I will be happy.

The increased dosage of Remeron does make me sleepy... very sleepy. So far, I've been sleeping like 14 hrs. a day. This could become a problem if and when I start working again. I do feel a little less depressed when I wake up though, so that is a positive.

I would kind of like to get off of the Remeron all together, but I may need it too much right now. I think just the Klonapin would do the trick. Maybe just a little higher dosage or spread throughout the day and night. I don't know if it would help me to sleep though?

Im sorry to hear you've been cheated on, that sucks. You are not worthless and you're not a failure! Hope you feel better soon! Hugs! :)

Hi there,

First the broken marriage. I too went through that. Bad, bad time and very hard on you when your trust is broken and you didn't see it coming. Me neither. I lost my kids and home as well as wife etc. I wanted out but clearly I didn't go there as it's now 25 years later and I have a long term partner with a 16 year old of ours.

I hate my ex, I call her the dragon. I truly do hate her more than most people could imagine and I do not visit the city where we lived, she's still there, for fear I'll get violent. Still, after 25 years.

But I don't think about all that much any more, only briefly when something comes up. I won't go to that city so the temptaion is removed and that's how I managed it through the period you are in now.

I cut all contact, including to my kids for months so I could stabilise. I moved cities knowing legally I couldn't have custody of the kids. I just cut her out of my life and made no attempt to contact her or anyone we knew so things could heal.

At that time I also started going out with people from work a lot. Lot of drinking and tons of fun, all helped to get me back to sort of stable. Took about 2 years for me to be able to say "It's over". But it was about 3 months before I started living again.

This is what I think you need to do, be around others as much as you can. Do things with others. Don't be alone and do sleep a lot as that is a way to stop the thoughts, the reminders.

I didn't use meds for that period, had some initially then dropped them in favour of drinking. My choice and not for most but it was what it was, allowed me to have a life instead of sitting lonely in some flat by myself brooding. The more time you think about it the worse it will feel and the longer it will take.

Do some talk therapy, get the feelings out on the table and pick them over. Get angry at what she did, no violence though. Just accept the outrage she heaped on you by cheating. She had no right.

I don't know your history but to me what you are experiencing is grief and is confused by docs with depression. Grief, loss of a loved one in particular, is natural and damned hard. It hurts. But it may not be depression and thus meds won't be of much help as they won't change the thing that happened will it?

You have to come to terms with it. Accept it happened and things have changed and the pain will go, slowly. You won't forget but it will go to the back of your mind rather than stay in RAM where it is now.

Of interest is that the psychiatry authority that controls what is written in the diagnosis book has just made a change to their criteria to reflect what I am saying above. That is, although depression is met by a criteria of sadness for two solid weeks, they now say that grief may last much longer than the two weeks but depression may not be present.

Moot point in many ways to you as you feel so bad who cares what it's called? Right?

But what I am saying to you is that it is you thinking about it constantly that keeps the pain at the level it is. Change what you do and think about any way you can. There's even the old rubber band around your wrist you can snap on yourself every time you think if her if you want to try it. Aversion therapy!!!! I did it for a few weeks and did it hard some days to distract my mind from her.

You're not a failure. Nobody can say that until the end of your life comes really can they? And you are only 32, a lifetime ahead yet. I was 36 when mine happened and I didn't want to go on, to be mild.

You can get past this and wonder in time why you ever liked this woman at all. Truly, you will. Work on it and try to leave it behind.

In my old boat? We can row together OK? And the shore gets closer that much quicker.

Thanks Andrewbjd and midnightcowboy. Yes, you're right, it is very good to get out and do things with others. I try to go do things with my friends and family as much as possible. They have really been life savers for me. I get very lonely and I don't like to be alone much anymore, although I'm getting a little better at it slowly.

Thanks again for writing me. I really appreciate the support and help.

Greetings :)

You mentioned klonopin. What dosage are you on?

I actually take both Remeron & Klonopin with good results. I was prescribed the Remeron for the sleep component & take it at night only.

Good luck

Hi Heartbroken,
I used to get very depressed when I woke up too. It took me 2 years to understand that I was depressed. I really didn't get that part.

I'm sorry your wife left you, and to have lost your job on top of it is more then most could handle. Thankfully you have great supportive friends.

I take an antidep. to help with my depression, and also I talk to my psychiatrist once a week, as well as finding support on these boards.

I'm glad you are here. There are others going through job loss, and some are suffering from broken hearts as well, on the main boards.

I hope to see you there, as you will make many friends and who knows, you may take part in poetry, music and some crazy antics.

Welcome and Hugs,
Bridget