Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have had these problems all my life and I just cant seem to shake the feel of being worthless. There have been a few short instances where things got better, but never long enough to make a real impact on my life.
Its not just my weight that has made me feel worthless but it is a big factor.
I have basically let these feelings destroy my life! I dont even want to go over the damage it has cause. Just image living in a box underground and interacting with very few people other than close family and that is pretty close to my life. I have not been a complete shut in. I just have not experienced a lot of the things life has to offer.
I was able to lose all my extra weight at one time, but inside I still felt like a big fat failure. I did have a brief period were I actually thought I would have a life, but something happened and I put all the weight back on plus 50! After that I came really close to being a complete shut-in.
Things are a little better again at the moment, but really afraid it wont last because deep down I still feel like a nothing.
Well I dont want to go on and on. I just want to know if there is some secret to loving yourself? I just cant seem to do it.
I have been through years of therapy and pills galore so that's not my answer. Honestly the therapy did help some, but there is still that little devil inside me telling me I am a big fat nothing! That I deserve nothing and no one! I just cant get that guy to shut up!
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Its not just my weight though, its my whole life. I dont feel worthy as a man. I dont feel like I have anything to offer women.
I certainly have positive things about me. I know I am a decent person. I am a kind, understanding, caring person. I have many skills and a decent mind but here's the thing, because of my mental health problems I have not been able to hold a job for long. I do not have a place of my own and I have very little in the way of financial means (just disability). That along with my weight just makes me feel like hiding out until death comes for me and that is pretty much what I have done!
The point is you can have a poor self-image while thinner or the other way.
Your weight should not define you and we've done a lousy job as a society in feeling that way. People can be happy. Golda Meir was the beloved Prime Minister of Israel and said, "Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome.."
She is remember and revered.
If so no big deal my name does tend to throw people off:)
I know from personal experience you can still feel bad about yourself no matter what shape your body is in. My main issue is having very little self worth.
Men and women's value in society is for the most part judged on different characteristics. Men are often judged by financial success and self-confidence among other things. I know there are always going to be exceptions. but I dont care what anyone says, in general men and women both size one another up based on a list of desirable traits. Sure different folks have different things on their list but there are some more common attributes. I dont feel like I have any of the more popular attributes.
I know that by telling myself these things it only serves to undermine my confidence. I have tried to fight these thoughts and replace them by thinking about what I do have to offer but the real world gets in the way of that everytime.
Anyway, thanks for your reply.
I know how you feel about cat. I have had dogs most of my life. Lost my last pup last year, that was very hard on me. I still cry over him. I had to make the decision to have him put down and that tore my heart out! I still question if it was really time. Hell I am starting to cry now!
I dont think I will ever get another pup. I had two and both had health issues. I worried so much over them, not to mention the cost of vet bills and medicine. I never really had the money for that most of the time, so I had to count on other family members to help pay for it.
I have a lot of body image issues myself. One thing I realized is it shouldn't define my value. I have a lot of traits and characteristics to define that. But it's still not easy. Our shitty society pushes body image constantly with impossible expectations. Hollywood and the model world has a lot of starving people. It really is screwed up.