Talk to your school counselor. It's a good place to start.

They end up calling crisis... 4th time I was admitted...I don't want to do that again...

Did being inpatient help at all? Maybe you need different treatment than you got at hospital.
Is there anyone else you can talk to?

Hi Alexis, just saw this today. How are you doing today? feeling any better? hope so. I wanted to write because I had/have some experience with what you are describing I think. I am 52 years old now but when I was a junior in high school I had anorexia (not sure if you have anorexia or you just aren't feeling like eating) and I would cut in times of extreme stress and pain. also, I've felt that way that you are describing of your perception caving in.. that's a good way to put it. very well said. first of all, I don't think you are going crazy... things are just rough right now and they will improve! I agree with comments above about finding someone like a counsellor to talk to. if the ones at school aren't great, maybe there is someone on the outside you could see? for me, going to counselling when I was your age did help me pull out of the quagmire of the eating disorder and the intense depression and feelings of wanting to destroy myself. also, if you have an eating disorder I know this is very hard but eating healthy can help with some of the extreme mood stuff. sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is get a good night's sleep and eat a good, healthy meal and maybe get out of the house for awhile. it's amazing how much our body affects our minds. I've only become more aware of this recently. when I was growing up a big part of the problem was a really dysfunctional family, too, including an abusive father. is your family situation ok or are there problems?
also, that sucks that you have been sent to crisis when you went in to talk to someone. I actually was an in patient for awhile in a mental hospital and for me it was awful. something you might try while you are sorting things out is to call the national suicide hotline. I was always uneasy about calling them because I thought they were going to send the police or something to my house but if you tell them you just want to talk because you are emotionally upset they are totally fine with that. I finally got the nerve up to call them within the last year or so and I have done so a handful of times and it was very helpful for me. they were very understanding, smart, and kind and let me talk as long as I wanted and encouraged me to call back as many times as I needed to.
i'm sorry you are struggling right now. hope your day is going better today.
sorry for all the advice. just wanted to offer support and say you aren't alone.

Hi, I know how you feel. I'm in Junior high also. I also deal with self harm. Do you have friends you could talk to about it? Or maybe a school counselor? I find it helps me to talk to someone, to know there's someone out there that people that knows and cares. Your life is so beautiful. YOU are beautiful.

@Wendy... I have not an eating disorder..but I do struggle with eating due to my psychosis. Voices are very violent when I eat...

@jay, school nurse helps alot...but I also become very reluctant about seeing them. Friends are a no go... they don't understand. I'm just waiting to graduate next year if I make it that far...

I think you urgently need to be in the care of a medical doctor. If you are, does he/she know ALL about your problem(s)? Are you hiding any of it? In any case, you reveal to me that you are likely undernourished, possibly hypothyroid, self destructive, severely depressed, and experience 'violent voices'. You, by your own words are suffering .. severely. I am not a doc, but all this is VERY treatable and you do NOT have to live this way. You can have a NORMAL life with happiness and contentment. I hope you will convey ALL this information to the medical profession and get into treatment .... FOR ALL OF IT.

Alexis09,

I am just reading this on a Monday afternoon. My heart hurts for you. At around your age, one of my children broke completely away from me for the most part. Everyone told me it was normal teenage stuff but I just knew it wasn't. Since that time he has told me I was a terrible parent and does not want me in his life for now. He shared some memories with me; some I remember vividly, some I don't. In any event, had I known at any time during his high school years how badly he was hurting emotionally I would have tried to move heaven and earth to help. I pray there is one person brought to your mind that you feel trust in and that you will reach out to him/her.

In regards to commitment, in my personal experience with friends with children who have gone through the process, the stays are just too short to do much work. Would you consider a long-term treatment center in another city? If so, please speak to your MD to see what is needed to get you there.

I wish you peace more often then not, joy more then sorrow and strength over all.

Blessings and Peace to you.