Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've recently (about 3 months ago), started a job working from home. It wasn't a good decision, it has only triggered my depression. I am a single mom, so its only myself and my 9 year old son living here. He's with his father half of the time (we share custody 50/50) and recently, I have struggled so much every time he leaves. He will be gone tomorrow (Friday) until Tuesday and I am having extreme anxiety over it. We've had this schedule since he was a year old and I have never struggled with it like I have recently. I always get a little sad when he leaves, but I knew he would be back soon and I would go visit friends or keep myself busy. But lately, the depression I feel has become almost debilitating. The house is just so much different when he's here. I feel like I have some purpose and there is life in the house. When he's gone, its just cold and quiet. Dead. I cry every time he leaves now. Not only just when he leaves, but I cry from the dread I feel knowing that he is leaving soon. I'm not dating or in a relationship and I've become very distant from my friends. I know a lot of this is due to leaving my job, and in the process losing health insurance - which means I can't afford anti-depressants at the moment. (All of this is a whole other story and I basically brought it all on myself to make a long story short. I made a bad decision to quit my job because of stress and wasn't able to find another one with benefits.) I took Cymbalta for several years and have had to slowly stop taking it. I know its not good at all to not take them, but I just really don't have any options right now. I make too much money to get any kind of assistance, but not enough that I have the money to spend after rent, bills, etc. Since we have split custody, I don't get child support. I guess I just came here to see if anybody else has these feelings when they're away from their children? Or if working from home has brought on extreme depression for anyone else? I feel so lost right now. This has been a long, hard year and I just feel so weighed down with sadness and regret. I hate missing my baby and missing so much of his life. I hate feeling like a part-time mom. And I hate being alone all the time. Its like the walls are closing in around me and I feel like I'm suffocating. I regret the decision that I made to leave my previous job and knowing that this was all within my control makes it that much worse. I deserve no sympathy.
-
I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
But the problem here is what to do? have you got any pets? A cat or a dog might help?
I know the depression problem of being alone versus being with the kids. Alone I used to deteriorate badly. Really badly. The only things I can think of to suggest are forcing yourself to go to the local swimming pool at 9am every day he's gone... forcing yourself to do an hour's gardening or housework - and then kidding yourself you've done well and watching movies the rest of the day. Or else go to work at the local library. Take your laptop. Work with humans around you. Just having them near helps even when you're not in a good space to interact with them much.
I would say that this deterioration: you think it's you going backwards. it's not. it's you going forwards. Every tear you shed is a tear you don't have to shed again. Every grief you let yourself express is one step closer to the retrieval of your soul. It's okay to have quiet times in your life. it's okay to have solitary times in your life. You're travelling in unknown country, with luck you will have got to the other side of it by the time your son is a grown man. If you manage that you will have done better than a lot of mothers. :)
TU 4 SHARING.
JUST HANG IN THERE.
HELP IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER..........................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O