Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was just wondering what everyone else's feeling on the topic of dating is. I don't know why I am having such intense anxiety about it. I went to a party tonight, I have not been to one in a while, and at the end of the party the host invited me to a singles event for people to meet-the event is specifically to connect people for dating. I had known for a while that this event existed, but was always on the fence about going. Any events specifically dedicated to dating really scare me, I don't know why. Maybe it's the pressure and expectation involved. I really, truly do want a new relationship, but I don't know if I'm just in a lot of pain and fear about it. I jokingly said out loud in front of the group when he invited me, "I don't ever want another relationship again!" I wasn't serious, of course, but that statement communicated a lot and it seemed to have left a bad impression. People didn't seem to take it as a joke and the entire table of cardplayers just stopped and looked at me in a weird way. I felt embarrassed all of the sudden.
There was a woman there who I had made friends with as she hugged me she said, "We will go to the singles event but we are lesbians." I replied, "No!" She seemed hurt and disappointed and said we didn't have the same humor. I hardly know her. I have a lot of gay and lesbian friends, but I am just not attracted to women. I had just met her so I was slightly uncomfortable. The last time I tried to make a new friend, at the end of our hangout she let me know she was interested in sleeping with me...yeah no thank you. Anyway, I am just not sure how to get back into dating.
I did have a few dates with people I was attracted to since pandemic, but they just didn't pan out. It seems lately like the people I am attracted to are not necessarily interested in me, or vice versa, and that hurts SO much. I ran into someone a few weeks ago that I had dated and really, really liked and I felt like the room was spinning, I was so attracted to him, but he had dumped me. It was such horrible pain to have to see him again, knowing he didn't want to be with me. He was very polite, came and held my hand, and it felt beautiful, and all my feelings came back, but I know he doesn't want to be with me. I can't stand my uncontrollable feelings, and it's always like this. Those that I am in love with just don't love me back. They may sleep with me, may date me for a time, but they will not commit to me. I just can't stand the pain anymore it seems and it kills me inside. I am doing DBT therapy currently, I don't know if I should practice radical acceptance around this, or maybe even try to meet someone through my 12 step or church (but I guess that is called 13th stepping) IDK, I think I want to meet someone into recovery and spirituality, someone like me. My last b/f was into spirituality, but he broke up with me too. Good grief, I must be difficult.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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It sounds like you've been really courageous in this area - honestly expressing yourself to those you have had feelings for even when it didn't work out the way you wanted it to, so it makes sense that you're hesitant and panicked.
I think a plus side is you seem to have lots of in-person ways of meeting people vs online dating, and you seem very willing to at least think about the possibility of a new relationship even if it's a little scary at first.
It seems what you're feeling is pretty normal, meeting new people trying to evaluate them not knowing how they feel about you. I think if you keep working at it, things will work out and you'll find someone.
As far as the invite to the singles event, you can just decide later about it. Don't feel forced to going. See how you feel about it in a few days. I am sure there will be plenty more singles get-togethers, even if you don't go to this one.
I do like the idea of meeting someone who is also sober, and into spirituality. So that you would have those 2 things in common. Do the 12 step programs ever have social gatherings? Or like you said, see if your church has any get togethers.
Keep socializing, keep talking. You're doing great! They say you'll meet someone when you are not even looking.... I have found that to be true in my own past, but I was also in a social gathering when I met these guys (not a singles event specifically, but just a social gathering).
You will meet that special someone soon, don't worry about it too much. :-)