Sounds like it would be for the best. You may have the guilt but you have to be able to remember that is what is best for you

Why not just keep out of the way of your father for a while to see whether that helps you?

I'm sorry you are so depressed and confused about your father. I know both of these things very well. My father was a very angry scary man growing up and super critical. He is almost 80 years old and has chilled out a lot over the years. He's not so outwardly angry anymore but I still feel anxious and have an unsettled stomach every time I see him even after all these years. It's hard to know what to do because we want to love our fathers no matter what. If your like me, your father might have a lot to do with why you feel guilty. He has made you to feel guilty. Maybe you will have to accept feeling guilty for a little while and use the time to explore where that guilt is truly coming from. Is that guilt really yours? Sometimes I think I carry my father's guilt and shame feelings about the way he treated me. Maybe by separating from your father for awhile and feeling the guilt you can use the time to heal from the guilt??? I don't know. I hope that you can trust your gut on this and find some relief from the depression. You're not alone. Sending you a big hug.

I am in the same boat of sorts... Maybe if I can get a perspective from the other end of this spectrum.
My soon to be ex-wife has filled my kids heads with the idea that I am this father that does not really love them. It has destroyed me inside.
I'm not sure how to fix this... What could I possibly say or do to make them realize that what their mom tells them is not true?
I am new here also, so if you don't want to give me your insight than I completely understand.
Thank you.

Spamchez, If your kids are feeling this way i would suggest listening to your kids concerns and how they feel and validating them. Don't say that they are wrong or that they are completely out of sorts even if you don't agree with what they are saying or if what they say is hurtful. Chances are the reason they are telling you they feel that way is because they are hurting a great amount from how they feel.

My thoughts are to do all you can to not sever your relationship with your dad, even if it means keeping it a bit distant. Life brings on so many challenges and changes that even a fractured relationship holds some significance in your life. Nothing is of zero value if even as a lesson and path. What you describe and how you are reacting shows that you are understanding how to adjust, perhaps even forgive as you get clarity. In reading your post (Teacher), I can only applaud you for the person you are. Sending you good thoughts and much support.

Comments on Spamchez

I'm sorry you're going through a tough divorce. Ristay's comments are good, do listen. Also you have to keep fighting for your children and it can be a difficult task, I know one divorce, marriage lasted say 4 years, divorce proceeding 15 spanning 9 courts in different states with 2 moderate income people channeling any funds towards legal fees. Now they get along well.

Try to be calm and address any legitimate financial needs. Another story. Grandparent bright and savvy, his son's getting divorced. Wife, somewhat difficult, manipulative and self-centered. They have a nice house.

Grandpa hires tough lawyer and is seemingly successful. House is sold, and ex-wife moves to smaller apt, where she tells kids every day, you're at this lousy house because your grandpa decided to pay thousands to a nasty lawyer instead of having you stay in the house you loved. Sure enough, kids cut contact with grandparents and they would have been better offer putting money towards the family than lawyers.