Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi everyone,
I am new here. I am 48 and have alway functioned fairly well in life, traveled the world on my own, have a husband and 2 beautiful children, recently completed my master's degree. But I have had a few setbacks due to genetic depression and recently have had a big one.
In June I graduated with my master's degree, which took me 12 years to complete part time while raising my children. In August I started a new job as a school speech therapist, I thought this would be my dream job and that I would work there for the next 20 years.
They gave me the highest caseload in the district, 60 kids who had to be seen twice a week for therapy. Along with a new computer system, and evaluations with complicated reports to be written, I quickly became overwhelmed and anxious, followed by difficulty sleeping, then depression. My brain was just not able to manage everything and deal with all of these students who had to be seen in groups, many of whom had disabilities, etc. My supervisor kept telling me the job would get harder as the year progressed. I ended up quitting abruptly after 8 weeks and having a meltdown. It has been 3 weeks now and I am still battling the depression, only able to function minimally.
I can hardly think clearly at all, I have negative self talk running through my mind all day long. I hate myself for blowing this job. I can't sleep well at night and my brain feels as if someone has drained all of the life out of me. I am absolutely miserable.
I guess what I really need is support and some help finding a direction for myself. We are losing our health insurance in February as my husband is also out of work, so I am hesitant to start on a prescription even though I think that hormone therapy might work.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks in advance from California
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
later on I took on a different type of teaching job and worked five years there...teaching reading in a winnebago motorhome....that ended because of my depression and my abusing the system with mental health days where I would call in sick because I did not want to face it....
I moved to Guam and taught special ed again but not the worst off kids in the place....but I found I just was burned out with teaching in classroom there....I hated it even though I got sober after first school year....been sober since....came home after five years there teaching as that job was toast too....taught two years here in special ed and they did not renew my contract at that point and I was done....but tried one more time for ten days I calculate....then abruptly quit walking out in middle of school day....
I found my calling....I teach one on one driving instruction as self employment and am on disability again...my shrink asked me to go back on it and since I had bounced around in 9$hr jobs for ten years I looked and could do better than unemployment on disability.....I had been disabled when I was in school and before that for few years after schizophrenia diagnosis but medications helped....but depression kicked in too....anyway I love my self employment and make $95-$105 for two hours w kids adults foreign students and anybody who is needing help with driving....I make my hours and days...but it is just part time and under the SSD income levels because self employment they just count the NET not the Gross....I do ok with both disability and self employment
Now Im dealing with the fallout. I had way too much time on my hands and the negative thoughts came rushing back. I've disappointed myself and feel like a failure. I doubt I'll ever be employed full time in my life again. The sadness at my reality was/is crushing.
What I had to do for myself to cope was buy some time to recover. Right now I volunteer up to 15 hours a week. (I know, why not get a part time job you ask. But I'm broken.) I can't put myself under any job pressure until I get my depression under control. So Im changing my meds, have gotten a new therapist, reading about gratitude and affirmations, and coming on DS everyday. The volunteering helps to distract me and keeps my social skills up. This world I live in now isn't perfect but its a little more stable. I've applied for disability and am waiting to hear. I was on it before for bipolar and schizoaffective disorder so hopefully it'll go through. I still am fighting depression, suicidal ideation and negative thinking but I know I'm fighting hard and hopefully the tide will turn. I don't know what my professional future looks like. Im not really dealing with that right now, but I will have to eventually.
If there is anything I would recommend it would be to find whatever it is to do that keeps you distracted from the negative thoughts. They have been the most debilitating to me, as they've led to suicidal ideation and that scares me. Do whatever it takes to keep you out of your own head. Trust you will process things in time. I hope this helps a little - please know you are not alone in your suffering and you've come to the right place! Keep posting!