I believe in total honesty so I'm going to have to say it is your lack of self esteem that is getting the best of you. You sound like a very sensitive person, such am I, and we can take things wrong, fairly easily. We should never have to fight for our friendships. A friend should accept us with our faults and all, if they truly care. And if they don't, why would we want to waste the little energy we already have. to fight for it?
If your friend said, 'No really, they like you lots" then it's best to believe what she is saying, until they prove differently. Friendships are very difficult in their own right, let alone having depression and trying to keep a friendship going. I just found a quote and I think it fits you well. I would like to share it with you, OK?

Soft hearted people are not fools,
they know what people did to them,
but they forgive again and again because they have beautiful hearts.
Bless you and lots of hugs. GB

I can really relate to this post; thanks for sharing, luna113.

It really is an awful feeling, but I'm strongly inclined to agree with gramybear. Whereas I can't figure the utility of the person you asked saying you were very much liked, I *can* see the many ways in which depression warps perception. Throughout high school, I was convinced my best friends disliked me and looked down on me (they are all very, very intelligent, and I was struggling something fierce with certain classes as a result of my depression). Nowadays, I can't quite put my finger on where I might have gotten that impression, and yet the lot of us are still quite close several years later. But depression can do that to us. I say hang in there and try to be kind to yourself :)

Best of luck, and wishing you wellness,

Elle

Oh goodness, so sorry - I made a major typo. I meant to say that I couldn't figure the utility of the person lying when they said you were very much liked. Of course I can see how you could be liked :)

It's good that your friends don't mind if you choose not to be included in everything - for whatever reason. That works the opposite way, too.
If you come up with something and it doesn't appeal to others, you wouldn't expect them to go along. If you come up with several things over a bit of time, and no on wants to go, you might want to ask the one(s) that you're closest with, if there's a reason.

It's possible that you aren't ignored when you're with the group. Others do what you're doing - try to interpret someone else's behavior, and may mistake what you call your "awkwardness" for boredom or disinterest. It's easy to feel left out in a group, but you have at least one good friend in the group who wants you to feel
comfortable.

The quote is meant to be encouraging - not to trivialize anything.

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"Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing." RJ Palacio

Oh I've been introverted since I was little. I was naturally shy, prone to daydreaming, and not really fitting in. It's gotten worse since I developed anxiety/depression. I need a lot of alone time to maintain emotional balance and I do enjoy it. I only feel upset when I try to reach out and nobody takes me up on it. I don't mean I blame them negatively, it just makes me sad. Especially when they're someone I care about. It's really difficult for me to be social so any little rejection stings.

I am also an introvert. My Mom died when I was 7 and I was raised by a narcissist father. My childhood provided zero foundation. I only learned what no to do in order to survive.

What I can say with confidence though is that I really enjoy myself. I love and crave me-time. I am my own best friend and am never lonely. In fact, I can only handle people in small amounts and when I am around them, I give everything I have. I turn down a lot of invites....because I know most of them don't feel right to me. I can only be in situations where I can be my best and feel good about myself.

I do have lots of friends....but still haven't found the one friend to grow old with....other than myself.

"It's really difficult for me to be social so any little rejection stings."

Again, I can very much relate to this. I do wonder, however, if you've ever made mention of those feelings to any of your friends?

Luna: "I only feel upset when I try to reach out and nobody takes me up on it. I don't mean I blame them negatively, it just makes me sad. Especially when they're someone I care about. It's really difficult for me to be social so any little rejection stings."
I understand this feeling, I do. But, on the other hand it's not fair to them because it's like they are a toy you put on a shelf and you only bring it out when you want to play.
This is something I have to fight myself. "Alone time" is very very addictive. We can get to enjoy that so much that we crave more and more of it. That's not a good thing. I've had to force myself to do things with others even when I didn't want to, because I know that being alone is addictive.
As for not succeeding when you try to instigate an activity...well, that happens. Happens to me too. But we cant let that cut our lines to our friends. We often misinterpret words and actions around ourselves. I know my friends like me, but sometimes I still feel like they don't. We have to fight those "feelings"