it takes two to tango so he needs to step up to the plate and be a dad and supportive to you not run away and go to florida i understand he wants an education but now he has to think of someone else besides himself although an education will help in the long run he can do it closer to you so he can be there i hope you get to feeling better and i hope he opens his eyes to what is going on i am here if you need to talk

The best advice I can offer is just give it some time... you're only 5-6 weeks along, just found out and dropped a bombshell in his lap and now you are asking him to give up some dream he's had for who knows long, perhaps he's wanted to blow the dust off some midwest town for years.

If he stays, abandons all his dreams, will he grow to resent you for it? Will he get to thinking that you accidentally got pregnant on purpose to trap him and keep him there, where he doesn't want to be, for how long? Just until he graduates from a local college and gets a good job offer someplace else? Or forever? Yes, you buried a child there, and that is heartbreaking... and it is understandable that you want to be near to visit the grave. But you are asking an awful lot if you are not willing to compromise, not willing to ever relocate anywhere else, be it while he attends college or afterwards, when the job offers are being considered. Yes, you may have to step outside your geographic comfort zone if you intend to marry this man and/or be a family with him.

So give him time to absorb the news... to decide what he wants to do without feeling pressured or trapped. Be willing to compromise. And even if he goes and you stay... be sure to lay this child in his arms so the child will steal his heart when those little fingers wrap around his.

One thing to note: I used to live in Gainesville, where Jen's boyfriend wants to go to school. And, I attended that school. Gainesville, like many college towns, is NOT a place to find a decent-paying job. We used to joke that you could be a brain surgeon in Gainesville and make minimum wage. I attribute that to the town looking to bring "new money" into the local economy. If you pay enough for students to survive, the money stays in the town. If you pay less, Daddy has to subsidize the student and that brings NEW MONEY into the town. Make sense?

What this means is that it will be very difficult for him to find a job in Gainesville that supports both himself and his unborn/newborn baby. And, he's up against about 30,000 undergrads (literally). As for insurance, many/most undergrads are still under their parents' insurance while they are in college (I was, for instance). Because of this, very very few jobs available to students there provide insurance.

Also, like I said before, having a full-time job, which he will need to have, (especially if he wants even a CHANCE at getting/paying for insurance) AND going to school full-time are damn-near impossible. U of F used to have policies whereby you MUST complete your degree within an alotted time-period (ie, 4 years + a semester or two for a 4-year degree) or they would kick you out, as there was such a high demand for the school. They didn't want "career students" in their undergrad programs. Not sure if that is still true, and I believe it was on a major-by-major basis, but that makes it less-conducive of going part-time and working full-time.

And, in Florida, it is damn-near impossible to get insurance on your own (not through a job) if you are dealing with a pregnancy, even if it is just for yourself. This is because of laws that state that if any member of the household or parent has insurance, the insurance automatically covers the baby's delivery and up to some timeframe afterwards. This was an attempt by Florida to prevent uninsured babies. The insurance industry's answer to this "problem" was to refuse to sign new individual (non-group, non-employer-sponsored) insurance policies if someone is pregnant. I know this because I lost my insurance (job went out of business, smaller than 15 employees, no COBRA required to be offered) shortly after finding out my stbx was pregnant. I tried EVERYTHING to get a policy, and was told it was impossible. The pregnancy was a "pre-existing condition" that they were by law not allowed to exclude, so they said no way. Insurance companies do not want to sign someone where they are guaranteed to have to pay out expensive claims--they are only in it for the profits, not helping their members!

Just some more things to think about...

In your situation I would do whats best for you . Imagine in a year what your life would be like with him and without him. Definately you would be able to take him to court to force him to take responsibility for the baby both finacially and physically. What about you are you prepared to do it alone (possibly)? Do you have family support?

I am so frustrated with him right now it's ridiculous. Tomorrow I am going to talk to him about all this. The more I think about it, the more angry/hurt I get. I remember when he told me that he wanted to go to college and I asked him if he would be there when the baby is born and his reply was "I'll try my best".
WHAT??? How can you say that! It's your child!!

I think the whole him wanting to go to florida to get a good education to support us is bs. He needs to start NOW, not 4 years from now. He can very well get a good education in IL.

*Venting off some steam*

"I'll do my best?????" WTF No he definitely should be saying "I'll be there unless a disaster occurs and I'm comatose in the hospital" Bleh.

I agree with most everyone. He should try and get that education but he definitely doesn't need to go to Florida to do it. Out-of-state will be way more expensive. It would be impractical for you to move away from family into a college town where students will work for practically nothing .. . I won't go on. But its not a viable option as far as I can see.

He may want to enjoy his youth . . but wtf, doesn't he think you do too??? In order to be a real father he needs to be close to you and support you every step of the way. If he isn't planning on having a part time job he'll have even more time on his hands. No matter what he claims.

He needs to go to school very close to home. End of story. Going to Florida would be totally selfish and irresponsible of him.

Okay now I'm mad . . . lol.

LOL I KNOW!!

I'm sitting here just fuming!!!!!
I know he's not going to see my point of view in this because going to college in florida was like a dream of his to do.
But he's not the only one!! My life is changed forever now too!!

and I thought I was being selfish about this whole situation with me not wanting him to leave...im so glad i got other opinions

we have all lost a dream or two...it is part of growing up. he helped get you pregnant so why should you do this alone regardless of where....he needs to be with you or to fuck off now so you know where you stand in my opinion

I agree with Lynn, can you go to Florida with him? Being pregnant doesn't mean your life ends, it is just a new part. My daughter is in the same place in life as you, and, she is going to college herself, finishing her masters. Education doesn't stop birth. Perhaps if you can't go with him, you could take some classes locally while he is gone. Distance does not stop the heart, and will he be coming home during breaks?

If he was any kind of man he would change his plans to be with you and the baby. Plenty of places to get an education.

He is being a selfish prick imo.

He helped to create a child, another human being. "His" dreams no longer exist now. Now his dreams take a back seat to his responsibilities and DUTY as a father. I think you both need to sit and talk about what compromises you both need to make in each of your lives for the sake and well-being of the helpless child you will be bringing into this world and will be responsible for.
The is nothing special in Florida as far as education goes. A college degree is what you do with it, not where you get it.

Jenn, That's the spirit! It seems the concensus here is pretty-much unanimous. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel!

I am pregnant right now too. So maybe I am a litle bias. But, he is being selfish . He needs to step up to the plate. Why can't he maybe go for a semester or two and then go back later when you and the baby are established. People go to school in their 40's and 50's nowdays. Babies need parents. He can ( and also yourself) go to school locally where you both live.