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people not taking no for an answer (trigger)

Mars1212
Mars1212

What do you do when people won't take no for an answer.  I am trying to get rid of abusive people in my life and they keep trying and trying and trying.


I was in no contact with my family for eight years.  Against everyone's advice I went and visited them over christmas.  Now I can't get rid of them.  They are physically abusive.  Cops have been invovlved.  I put in an application for an apartment just the other day and my therapist told me just to say no to more hangouts.  Every time I see them it sets me back.


I said no to the next hangout but they keep asking. Keep proposing different dates. It is starting to scare me.  My dad has been randomly showing up here.  I want them out of my life.  

confessionsofaqueen
confessionsofaqueen
I don’t know. It’s a tough one Mars1212. I love my family so much toxic or not I love them and wish them in my life. I’m talking about my spouse and adult children, my parents, siblings and nephews and all. The only difference is the path I’m on. Sometimes I think it’s serving me well to be distanced from them all to find that small quiet place in this world. I wish you love and strength to stand your ground, ultimately we each are responsible for one’s own happiness.
left_rudder
left_rudder
I still struggle with depression and loneliness but nothing like the toxic relationships I dealt with in my past. I miss my family but not at the expense of my mental health. I hope things improve for you. Seriously, no one can control you or your thoughts.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You did nothing wrong. When you went to hang out with them after 8 years, I'm sure you were hoping things would have changed and been better now. And clearly, they are not better with them.

They probably got the wrong idea and think you are going to be around them now and back in their lives. This is not your fault. We can't control what other people think.

Stand your ground. Say No. Don't give any kind of false hope, such as saying We'll see... or.. Maybe another time.... etc. Flat out say No. Don't have to give any reasons. And stick to it.

Consistency and sticking to your boundaries will be key here.

If your Dad shows up unannounced, don't open the door.

I'm sorry for this situation you're going through. It's a tough one and I wish you luck in this.
confessionsofaqueen
confessionsofaqueen
I agree with Left_ruder nothing is worthy if it’s at the expense of mental health.
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
Don't let them get to you. No means no! I used to be manipulated by people, especially my Aunt. In fact, I had some kind of breakdown over it a few years ago. She tried it again the other day. Now I just don't let it get to me. Just keep saying no. Eventually, it will stick.
MelT2020
MelT2020
GirlinCal is right. I only respond to the texts I want to. I've even blocked a few of my family members so they can't call.
jannytheresa
jannytheresa
Hi
Was there a reason that you spent time with them at Christmas?
This is hurting you and it seems that it is all or nothing right?
I think that we all want to have a family, but we can't all have
contact with our families without getting hurt
In your case, it seems like it's a "no contact" situation.
I am only sporadically on DS, so I don't know you. Do you need
to grieve the loss of having a loving family?
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