I have been under way too much strain lately. I'm not feeling well.  I am worried it's the cancer.  I have an appontment in a month. I don't even know if i can get in sooner or if i ever want to. I'm so tired. I can't take anymore strain.

Still taking care of mom, just took in a feral cat cuz he was basically going to die if I didn't, non stop caretaking, my own stuff.

I reached to both of my siblings a few days ago about my mom and her health stuff, wrote a very nice informative email and got no reply from either.  I have been her primary caretaker for the last 9 months.  While I was sick and had two surgeries with neither of their help and no reply. Not even a thank you.  Wow.  It's not the first time they've done something like this but it is so demoralizing and hurtful.  I wanted their family input too about my mom because it's hard to be the only one dealing with her medical stuff and her doctors and everything.

Then I reached out to a cousin and a counsellor and a woman I know here somewhat about going for a walk.  No one has replied yet. Well the counsellor did but said she was full.  

I'm just very discouraged. I feel so unloveable, so unlikeable, so awful. 

I feel really sad.  I have an aunt too who knows my situation and she didn't reply to several email i sent her over the last month or so.  they were casual and friendly.  I feel completely used and scapegoated by my family.

It really hurts. Feels so empty. Thank you for listening. This is the only place I can go and people will show me kindness and validation.  

I feel like people in the real world don't even treat me like I am human. Especially my own family.