Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Today I told my husband how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve got no motivation to do anything. I don’t want to cook, clean, work on renovations, or go to work. I told him I feel like a failure as a wife and as a person in general. I told him I felt like I was going to be a failure as a mom also. He ignored my feelings. He told me to stop. All I wanted was a little support and reassurance that I’m doing a good job. But he couldn’t give me that.
I start my first round of fertility meds tomorrow. I am excited and I am scared. I want nothing more than to be a mom. It’s killing me inside that I’m having such a hard time getting pregnant. I am scared that the fertility meds won’t work. I’m also scared that I will get pregnant and have a miscarriage. I don’t think my husband is supporting enough to help me get through a situation like that. I’m afraid I’ll have to go through it alone. I don’t think he takes my feeling seriously. I believe he thinks I’m just “being stupid”.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel helpless and alone. I feel like no one cares.
As for your husband, try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Many men in his situation want desperately to support their partners, but just don't know how to. It would really help him to help you if you just said what you needed at the time, i.e., "I need you to tell me that everything is going to be ok. I need a hug. I need...." Please don't rely on him to 'read your mind' or 'figure it out' - really, we're not that clever!
Above all, know that you are NOT a failure. You've made it this far because you're strong, so you'll make it through your fertility treatment; you'll make it through your wonderful pregnancy, and you'll be an absolutely amazing mom!!
As for your husband, just try to remember that this is probably stressful on him, too. You're in this together, and I agree with TotalRegret - sometimes you need to ask directly for what you want. Tell him it would help you so much to have his support and that you want to make this baby with love and passion. And many of us here are willing to fill in the holes where he can't give you everything you need right now. I haven't been here for too long but it seems like people here genuinely find strength in sharing their hardships and want to support people where they can. Reaching out is a good thing. Keep it up. ^_^
I am only asking because sometimes, the depression can become something unto itself. Wishing you luck with the infertility problems. I went through it many years ago and it's a lonely road. My husband always says "Calm down, now". I did get pregnant and I felt much better even in terms of the depression. And, not to sound sexist, but I do think that some men (and some women) do not know what to say or do when responding to emotions.
I agree with many above; tell him what he can do to help (hold you? plan a date night, help more around the house?) Blessings.